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BorderCollieLover

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Reply with quote  #16 
Mistysmama:

  Thank You for sharing about you and Misty going for long walks. According to your post, you still go on the same walks - just by yourself now. That really moved me. I know that must be really tough. I think that takes an enormous amount of courage on your part. I really respect that. The idea that you cry when you do this is just proof positive that you and Misty had a special relationship. You sound like a wonderful person. That's very evident when you write anout your litte baby. Once again, Thanks for sharing.

Jim

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Marlene8817

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Reply with quote  #17 
Hi everyone, I wanted to join this forum with you all..It's been 4 weeks since I had to say goodbye to my sweet little girl Molly.  I am having a very hard time with this, I'm completely broken inside.  She was 13.5 and I had her for 13 years.  I work from home and see clients, so we have been attached the hip for over 10 years, we have been through so much together, my life is not the same, it's hard to function.  In Mar 2018 she was diagnosed with B-Cell Lymphoma, which is the least aggressive form of cancer and her Dr said with Chemo she could live out her life.  So I decided to do it..she had some ups and downs with it, but mostly she was fine, she was a trooper and managed to hang on for 17 months.  One month ago, she had an episode and I had to take her into the vet, she was hospitalized and told me her Kidneys were failing, and they would have to flush her system and hospitalize longer and there was no guarantee it would work.  I just couldn't put her through anymore, so I decided it was time as she just stopped eating.  I brought a vet into the house and she passed in my arms.  I was inconsolable, could barely breath, it has been absolutely awful, I miss her so much.  I struggle with depression, so this has really put me in a bad place, I don't care about anything.  I still work and see clients and do what I need to do, eating ok and trying to see friends and family.  When I'm alone is the hardest, I'm so sad and just cry for her.  I know she is not in any more pain and is ok and looking out for me, but my heart is just so broken.  I still feel and smell her, I sleep with her blanket on me.  My whole neighborhood reminds me of her, i can't stand it.  How long before I feel better?
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Marlene Weber
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BorderCollieLover

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Reply with quote  #18 
Marlene:

  I'm so glad that you joined this Forum. My condolences about your beloved Molly. I read your post and completely relate to what you're going through. I know that must've been a real shock when she started to fail last month. Are you sleeping okay? You stated that you're eating and still working with clients so at least you are functioning. The depression that you are experiencing right now is perfectly normal and is something everything on this Forum is going through to one degree or another. I also work at home and since my beloved dog passed away, I don't feel like doing much of anything. Yeah, I'm functioning but at a very low level. My dog was my best friend in the world and I miss her so much it physically hurts. Do yiou have a support system? Family? Friends? Other Pet-Loving people? If you do, you may want to reach out to them when you are ready to do so. I've found that people can be very understanding at a time like this. Also, I've found that posting in this Forum has been helpful. Once again, just do it when you feel up to it. No time-table or deadline to pass through the grieving process. It will happen when it happens. No quick fixes here. Personally, some days I start to feel better and then something will trigger a reaction in me and I break down and cry. As an example, the other day one of my long time friends found out that my little girl had passaed away and he did something unimaginable. He did a special tribute to my dog on Facebook. I was so happy when I saw that, I just lost it. The tears really started to flow. It was a beautiful tribute to my little girl. I can't Thank him enough. So, my healing journey is an ongoing thing. I have no idea when I'll start to really feel like my old self again. My sleep cycle is out of whack. My energy level is low. The anxiety comes in waves and the sadness is relentless. i am eating and working but it just seems so lonely without my Border Collie. I hope that you find some peace and comfort in this Forum. Everyone wants to hear from you. Keep posting. You are not alone.

Jim

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Jim Miller
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Michelemh

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Reply with quote  #19 
Marlene - I feel exactly the way you do. I can't sleep, don't want to go out and it is hard being home also. My dog was always with me and at night in the room after dinner until the next morning. It is so hard being in my room with her bed and all her toys. I wake up all night and think about her not being here. In the morning she is not here. I have all her things out still. I feel anxious, upset, depressed, I cry, I can't breath. I have a few times out of the day I feel fine but the next minute it is back again. I had her 18 years. She was a best friend. She knew what to do as if she were a person. She was gentle and loving. The house feels empty. There is no more happiness. It is hard to be home and it is hard to come home after going out since she is not here. She loved dinner and that is hard. No more cooking for her. I sit outside in the yard where we would sit her last six months since she didn't go on walks. It is so hard. I want her back. I will never find another dog like her. She was a once in a life time dog. She went away with us and loved it for all those years. I felt whole with her here. I would always look forward to going home to see her when I was out. Now nothing. I hope time heals this. Some people say they are grieving years later.
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Marlene8817

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Reply with quote  #20 
Hi Jim and Michele, thank you for your posts..I feel so alone, that no one understands what I'm going through, so writing and reading your posts makes me feel not so alone.  I completely understand your pain, it's unbearable.  I loved reading your posts Jim, so many wonderful stories, they bring some many wonderful things into our lives and only break our hearts once. Michele, I started to cry reading your post, I feel exactly the same way..no more cooking for her, getting her favorite treats, taking her on errands so she can stick her head out the window, sometimes I would just take her and drive around so she could do that, it was so cute!  I work from home, thankfully I see clients, I could not work alone all day, everyday, but I would have a break and we would go to the park.  She was such a huge part of my life and work life, she would greet all my clients and bring them into the house, we just went together.  Everyone asks where she is and I have to tell the story over and over, sometimes it helps, but other times I just want to cry.  I just think about her all day, I just want to hug her so much, just like you I will never find another dog like her, she was perfect.  When did your dogs pass?  It will be exactly a month tomorrow for me, I cry everyday.  I do have a good support system, friends and family, but you can't keep talking about it, so being on here helps with the grieving process.  I feel right now, this is what I want to do, just be sad.  I'm not ready to move forward and stop grieving.  I was watching my friend's dog for a few days, and I was just annoyed it wasn't Molly..I felt bad, but that's how I felt. I just want her back.  You both had your dogs for so long, you were truly blessed, you loved them so much they just thrived and wanted to live for as long as they could, that is so special.  I feel we got robbed by a few years with the Cancer, awful.  Will you get a new dog someday?
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Marlene Weber
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Michelemh

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Reply with quote  #21 
Marlene - She passed away a few weeks ago. It will take me at least a year to feel a little better. I do some work from home. She was a constant companion for 18 years. Gentle, loving, intelligent and calm. She earned obedience certificates since I took her to training when she was a puppy. We had a strong bond. I won't find another dog like her. She loved eating. She had dinner with us every night and I cooked her something for her meal with us. I didn't start that until she was about 14. She always ate some of my food. Now I throw some out since she isn't here.

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BorderCollieLover

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Reply with quote  #22 
I have been having some success with Passionflower as a natural sleep aid. I've been taking approx. (20) drops (tincture) mixed with a little water after dinner. It seems to quiet my mind and allows me to deal with things better. I've been reading up on correct dosages and it's amazing how one site says take this amount, another site says take a different amount and still others recommend a completely different number. I haven't seen anything about overdoses or bad reactions, however I'm not taking any chances and am using a smaller amount. The general consensus on most naturopathic sites is that Passionflower is safe for just about anyone. You may want want to check 1st with a health care provider or MD if you have any existing health conditions. Also, I won't drive after taking this botanical. I was home for the night and settled in, so it felt right. Some observations with Passionflower: I never feel buzzed or high after taking Passionflower. Haven't felt any excitability or anxiety either. It just kind of soothes me after about (30) minutes after taking the drops. It was a nice feeling. It felt very natural. Did I doze off after taking it? No, I didn't. I did feel a lot more relaxed and fell asleep at my normal bed time (11 PM). I did wake up several times throughout the night but was able to doze off again. I've also been using something called l-theanine as a sleep aid. This is a natural occuring Amino Acid that has has been extracted from tea leaves. You can get l-theanine from drinking green tea but you'd have to drink huge amounts to derive the same benefits. I open (2) capsules and deposit the powder under my tongue. How do I like it? Not as much as the Passionflower. I felt a kind of queasy feeling in my stomach about (15) minutes after taking it. Not distress or pain, just a queasy, almost nauseous feeling. I may discontinue it if I feel that way again. Anyway, the Passionflower seems to be okay. Will it work for you? You'll never know until you try. It may or may not be for you.
I haven't been exercising lately (haven't felt like it) but this can be helpful in burning off some excess anxiety. So, the combination of a natural sleep aid (like Passionflower) and some exercise can be beneficial to you. I hope everyone reading this can find some degree of peace. Stay strong

Jim

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Jim Miller
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Michelemh

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Posts: 50
Reply with quote  #23 
Jim - I use melatonin. What brand passion flower do you use?

Michele
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BorderCollieLover

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Posts: 242
Reply with quote  #24 
Hi Michele:

  I use a brand called "Nature's Answer." I buy it at my local health food store. Seems to be helping some.

Jim


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cindya

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Reply with quote  #25 
Hello Jim,

I am in a similar situation, I have tried many different methods and nothing worked that didn't leave me feeling weird the next day but one thing. I only mean this as an opinion for what helped me, I was not sleeping for days, I could hardly function after I lost one pup to cancer and had my young baby dog diagnosed with cancer shortly after.  I couldn't eat, sleep, or do much of anything. The only thing that worked was medical marijuana. I am not promoting for drug use, but this helped. I finally could sleep for more than an hour or two at a time, I could stop crying and actually make something to eat. I am very sorry for your loss, this is just a suggestion if you live somewhere it is legalized (I live in Colorado and didn't partake before my loss). I hope you find something that works. Counseling helps as well if you can seek it out. There are often reduced rates counseling in the area and pet loss support groups at local shelters. Sorry for your loss <3

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Every day will be his best day until it's time to say goodbye
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Gingers_Mommy

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Reply with quote  #26 
I used Benadryl...
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BorderCollieLover

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Reply with quote  #27 
cindya:

  Thanks for your suggestions. Want to say, first and foremost, that I am so sorry about the loss of your pup to cancer. I'm glad that you joined this Forum. It can be helpful.  I saw a documentary on-line recently called "The Sacred Plant." It was about  medical marijuana and the many benefits that it can provide including relief from anxiety, pain management and a whole host of other things. Many of the people interviewed were suffering from late stage cancers, excruciating joint pain (osteoarthritis), auto-immune disorders of all kinds, paralyzing anxiety, etc. Most were not able to buy medical marijuana simply because the state they lived in had not legalized it  and the political wrangling may be going on for many more years. I think that people who are in extreme pain should be allowed to buy it to provide some measure of relief. Some are now turning to CBD oil (devoid of THC) as it is legal and doesn't get you high.   Personally, I have had some success recently using herbs and botanicals like: Passionflower, Lemon Balm, Hops, Valerian, etc. When I lost my dog 3 1/2 weeks ago, I wasn't sleeping much at all (a few hours here and there) and could barely function. Since implementing these all natural herbs and botanicals I'm getting a little more sleep and I feel better. I'm only using small dosages and being careful not to mix too many together until I see how my body reacts. Despite being all natural,  Herbs can still have side effects if mixed with the wrong thing. So, it's all trial and error here. If you do decide to try the all natural approach, just take your time and see if it works for you. Go slow. You also mentioned grief counseling as a beneficial thing. I agree. It can be helpful. By all means, go for it if you derive peace from it.  I have decided to take a different route. When my dog passed, I decided to reach out to family, friends, pet-loving people, colleagues, etc. You always take the chance that you may be rejected, rebuffed or completely dismissed as "weak" and that your grief is not valid because it was only a dog (or other pet). That can be hurtful and only compounds your pain. Fortunately, I was pleasantly surprised that most were very supportive. I kept most of the phone conversations short and made a promise to myself that I wouldn't call more than once a week. No one wants to be consumed with mega-doses of our grief, they have their own challenges to deal with. This has also helped me sleep a litle better. So, it really is a process finding the right ingredients to help you along the way: Seeking support, trying all natural sleep aids, keeping a journal, eating good, healthy food and maintaining a presence in this Forum. I'm still struggling. I really miss my little girl.  I'm just taking it one day at a time.

Jim

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Jim Miller
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Stealthcat

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Reply with quote  #28 
BorderCollieLover,

I am so sorry to hear about your little girl. It sounds like a lot of us are having trouble with sleeping. (For some reason, nights seem especially difficult. Probably because it's when all of us usually share time with them.)  

I completely agree with you though. Reaching out to people to talk is immensely helpful, which is why this forum is amazing. Especially in this group, where everyone knows how you feel. 

To try to help, I have tried to find outlets for the grief that are mostly healthy. Drawing, writing down thoughts, creating memorials, and added exercise. I hoped that the exercise would help me in the sleep department or in the mood department. We will see how effective it is!  I will definitely try your advice and give Passionflower a go. 

I am happy you are on the forum, though I am sorry for the reason we are all here. 
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Michelemh

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Posts: 50
Reply with quote  #29 
Hope everyone is well. I am having a bad day missing my dog. Very sad. I can't believe she was here 18 years and no longer here.
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Marlene8817

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Posts: 31
Reply with quote  #30 
hi Michele, thank you for posting, I so know how you feel...I miss my Molly so much, it is 6 weeks today. I have stopped bawling everyday, but now I just feel depressed, and it scares me.  Have you been crying today? Last Sunday I was a total mess, I was hysterical all day long, then Monday came and I didn't cry anymore, but just felt riddled with anxiety and depression.  I have been taking some meds to help, I don't like to, but I can't function otherwise.  Haven't had to take any today, which is good.  But this just really sucks!  It's just so strange not having her here, I hate it.  I look online at other dogs, but I just can't even imagine having a different dog, I just want mine back...I'm sorry you are having a bad day, but go through it and feel how you feel.  Sending you a big hug..
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Marlene Weber
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