graceofgod5
Today I just feel mad...and so sad. Mad that I had to make this decision, mad that he's not here with me, mad that the compassionate thing was the most painful for me. Just mad. Mad that this inevitable day came. Mad that time doesn't stop for anybody. Everybody else goes on living life and mine came to a screeching halt. Mad that people ask me if I'm getting another dog. And underneath it all, I'm just so very sad. This is awful. This is Day 6.
Michelle
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miztina249
Hi Michelle,

I can undertand feeling mad about all of it. I feel mad too, sometimes mad feels better than sad, it at least gives my eyes a break from the constant crying.

Get it all out, you have to go through the complete cycle of grief all of the stages...We are here grieving along with you.
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graceofgod5
Oh thank you so much. ❤️ I'm so grateful for this group and that we can all grieve together. It helps. Thanks for reaching out and encouraging. It brings some degree of normalcy to what feels insane. Mad does feel better than sad. Oh my goodness the stages. 😞 Feels like a rollercoaster and we're sitting in the same car in various seats.
Michelle
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Ozziemom
So sorry for your loss graceofgod everything about this is maddening and painful and sad it's horrible it really is and whatever we feel is completely normal it's so much like being on a rollercoaster over and over i find myself getting easily annoyed with people especially at work probably not a good thing but it just comes over me its horrible it's been a little over 2 weeks for me and i am struggling day by day everyday is different but everyday I cry a river things are different and I am not liking it and we are grieving along with you....take care and again I am sorry for your loss....hugs
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DogMom_33
Hi Michelle,

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. I think feeling mad is a natural phase of grieving. It's day 24 for me and I feel mad some days too. My pup passed away from cancer at only 6, and it feels so incredibly unfair. We gave him the best food, constantly looked our for his safety, brought him the vet all the time...we tried our best to do everything right and still lost him young to a terrible disease. I know that life isn't fair, and that unfair things unfortunately happen to good people every day. But there's no way around it, this sucks.

I know what you mean about everybody else living life too. Some people don't understand how deep the sadness of losing a pet can truly be. Don't feel badly if you're not ready to "go on living life". I wouldn't even really call it that, because we're never quite the same after a loss, we just learn to live with it over time. Don't feel pressured to go out and be social if you're not ready. But also don't feel badly if you do feel like being around others. Lately I've enjoyed doing activities like grabbing dinner with a few supportive friends, but I can't yet handle a party or more intense social setting. I hope you have some friends that are compassionate and supportive. Many of my friends knew my pup, and it's nice to talk and tell stories about him sometimes. 

I'm thinking of you. We're all in this together. There are going to be good days and bad days. I hope the happy memories start to overtake that 'yuck' feeling. ??

(FYI, Cody didn't actually vote, his parents did. He just wanted to promote civic engagement. :-) ) 
cody15.jpg
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jmrlily
Three weeks ago today at about this same time I was on my way home from the vet with her body. Meltdown and vent coming. I get mad too. Or maybe frustrated is a better word. I'm frustrated that I have to spend another day in this sad world without my dog. It's a fallen world, death is a part of it, and I'm frustrated that humanity screwed everything up in the first place. I've been suffering from mild depression and insomnia for at least a couple of years now, maybe longer and have medication for it. My children have left home and moved far away, and now the only bright spot I had left is gone. If I thought for a minute the Lord was OK with my leaving it on my own, I would do it. But He's not, for reasons I don't know, so I have to stay here and ask Him for help every day. I wake up every morning with the hope that maybe this will be my last day here, face to face with Him and able to see my Lily's sweet face again.

Thank you all for being here, and I am here for you too. Still praying for all.


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Dealing_With_Loss
Dear jmrlily,
Do not feel regret that every day cannot be your last, so that you can see your Lily again, but be happy and good to yourself, and think about how SHE would want you to treat yourself. Think about it this way. If you had a husband, and you died before him, wouldn't you want him to remarry? Be happy again? I know someone who would be insulted that their husband didn't like what their marriage was like and didn't want to marry again if they never remarried! Here's a link sent to me by a friend, and I think it will really help. http://www.sarahpetrunoshamanism.com/blog/9-things-your-deceased-pet-wants-you-to-know
Remember that you are not alone in your suffering, and we will all get through this together!
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graceofgod5
jmrlily wrote:
Three weeks ago today at about this same time I was on my way home from the vet with her body. Meltdown and vent coming. I get mad too. Or maybe frustrated is a better word. I'm frustrated that I have to spend another day in this sad world without my dog. It's a fallen world, death is a part of it, and I'm frustrated that humanity screwed everything up in the first place. I've been suffering from mild depression and insomnia for at least a couple of years now, maybe longer and have medication for it. My children have left home and moved far away, and now the only bright spot I had left is gone. If I thought for a minute the Lord was OK with my leaving it on my own, I would do it. But He's not, for reasons I don't know, so I have to stay here and ask Him for help every day. I wake up every morning with the hope that maybe this will be my last day here, face to face with Him and able to see my Lily's sweet face again.

Thank you all for being here, and I am here for you too. Still praying for all.


Jane, I can so relate to how you are feeling. Mine was a different circumstance a few years ago. I was in church during worship and I told God..just take me now..right here. And...He said no, I still have plans for you. So I did the same thing...clung to Him for help for my next moment and the next and the next. It was hard. I'm on meds too for depression and am so thankful for them. I can't imagine not having help. Hang in there. From the brief time I've "known" you on here, I see such love, comfort, and compassion in you. I can't imagine the world without people like you. Praying for you and walking...or riding the roller coaster...with you. Hugs.
Michelle
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jmrlily
Oh Michelle, I'm so glad to have met you on here and for your comfort and compassion too. I really don't feel like I'm much of a help on here sometimes, I can hardly manage to make it through some days, how much can I be of a help to anyone? Yesterday was a really bad day. I have put away all of Lily's things, but cleaning behind something in the kitchen I found a plastic bag I used to keep her pill pockets in for her meds and it just set me off crying all day and I lost it. I wonder when does this get better? Yesterday was like three steps back, like I'm losing my mind with loneliness missing her. I am so grateful for you and others on here for love and support. Hugs to you too.



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Timmymissu
Hi this is exactly how i am i found a chewed up ball behind our fridge and balled my eyes out your right about 2 steps forward that is just me i miss my boy so much and just want to be with him i havnt got the guts to do that though and just need to wait thoughts with you it is so difficult x
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graceofgod5
I can relate. So far I've managed to bring his food bowl from his bedroom to the kitchen sink. I want my daughter to put his name on it in pretty writing and paint an image of his favorite toy on it. I need to wash it but haven't made it that far. I swept up his hair in the living room but am not emotionally prepared to do anything more. Yesterday I killed a wasp in the house and started crying. When he was a puppy I killed a wasp and before I could get it, he gobbled it up. Then he cried and cried and gulped water because it stung his tongue. I just held him then wishing I could make it not hurt. There are just so many things. Everything reminds me of him. This morning is hard...my mind replays his final moments. Feeling weepy today.
Michelle
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littleguy
michelle

so sorry for your loss as I know how you feel but the difference is I didn't have to make the choice as it was made for us so unexpectedly and sudden ,but believe me I was so angry for so long and after 9 months sometimes still am as it just seems so unfair that our babies are so loved and cared for and are taken away just doesn't seem fair and yes I have other boys I love dearly but there not my bubbies and like you I think people don't understand as in the 1st few weeks I cant believe the number of people that had asked me if or when I was getting another dog as its just that easy , well its not you don't replace an unconditional love that easy , but just know that any thing you feel is you just missing you baby , hugs to you .

littleguys mom  
pamela meadows
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Turtle
I am very angry, too, even find myself angry at the 2 remaining cats (who are not at all affectionate) because the others died and the 2 remaining are just the same kind of loving animals. And I am angry that something so beautiful was taken from me, angry that they can never come back.

We loved them so much. 
Swr
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