So tried to be a little better to myself today regarding my guilt over Misty's last few days.

When I thought about how I left her behind 2 weeks earlier when I took her younger sister to the dog show (although didn't know she was sick or I wouldn't even have gone), I thought about the fact that I didn't do it because it would be inconvenient - it was because I didn't know the venue and wasn't sure I'd be able to keep her inside, and it was going to be way too hot to keep her outside in the van. And had a terrific neighbor come and feed her and take care of her.

I also then thought about how in April I did take her with me to a show, even though it would've been 'easier' to leave her at home. I took her along since I knew she would be upset if she didn't get to go. And how Friday we also were taking her along on our way to Asheville, even though again it would've been 'easier' to leave her behind since she'd been peeing in the house at night. Got diapers and just realized we'd need to get up several times during the night. And she was SO excited to come along.

Will never stop missing her, but am trying to work myself out of this guilt - I know she wouldn't want it and so trying to work towards forgiving myself. I've never been able to do that before but really going to do my best.

Oh Misty, I just love you so much and would do anything to change those last few days. But there were 10 years of love before that and will continue to try and focus on that.
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Have you submitted Misty for the Monday night candlelighting?  I highly recommend it, I think it will really help you alot with your guilt.  It did wonders for my mounds of guilt...I wish you peace.

Polar's Mom
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DebbieD.....try not to dwell on the "what if's" or "I wish i would have".  My Jake was with me for 15 of his 17 yrs.  The last couple of years he would get me up several times a night to go outside.  I would get frustrated and angry with him for interrupting my sleep.  Sometimes I would yell at him..even though he was deaf.  How mean is that?  Yelling at a dog who can't even hear you?  I am seperated from my husband so Jake and I moved to an apartment..he didn't have a yard anymore.  Sometimes I think he just wanted to go outside to let the wind blow through his hair....he would just stand on the sidewalk with his nose in the air....
I have to believe that Jake knew that I loved him and in my imperfect human way took care of him the best way I knew how......I share this poem with you....
A Parting Prayer

Dear Lord, please open your gates
and call St. Francis to come escort this 
beloved companion across the Rainbow Bridge

Assign them to a place of honor,
for they have been a faithful servant
and have always done their best to please me.

Bless the hands that send them to you,
for they are doing so in love and compassion,
freeing them from pain and suffering.

Grant me the strength not to dwell on my loss.
Help me remember the details of their life
with the love they have shown me.

And grant me the courage to honor them
by sharing those memories with others.

Let them remember me as well
and let them know that I will always love them.

~© Brandy Duckworth, 1998~ 


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Debbie--------"Grant me the strength to go forward and to forgive myself for my faults."-----Please allow me to lean on you though this terrible time.---Please,please forgive me.-------------May my tears wash away the guilt that I fill.-----------May the memories of you stay with me always, the good with the bad.------May you rest In peace knowing that I loved you with my whole being.--May I see you In my dreams and on a cloud that will take us both to a happier place.---------God bless--------------Marty and critters

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Thanks to everyone for your posts, e-mails, and even those reading and unable to write, as I know all of you are thinking of me and everyone else, as I am thinking of you and wishing everyone peace. To love and be loved so strongly is a gift, even though right now it also causes us tremendous pain. I wouldn't trade it though.

Today is one week that she got her symptoms and took her to the ER. But right at this moment, I was getting ready to leave and she was getting excited seeing the suitcases and bags. And the way she ran through the backyard to see if I was opening 'her' door in the van - as she always did when she thought she was coming along - I remember how joyous I felt and that she was coming too. Then 3 hours later came the symptoms. Hoping that meant she wasn't in much pain before that as she seemed so happy.

I have looked at the page on the Candlelighting and not 100% sure how that works. Will take another look.

Misty, you are my precious baby girl and Mommy loves you.
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Hi Debbie-------------Some times letting go Is the best,I didn't say it would be the easy way.----------------My God allows me to make mistakes---He just took me thu two tornados In less than six days and 18 animals to care fore.-----------But we made It, all 18 of us and we count our blessings.------There's another out there that will steal your heart and allow you to love again---------------------Marty and crittters

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