RichardR
Good day to all.

I have been absent from the forum for some time...I still receive weekly email notices of recent posts. I have come to find a collective comfort from all that is placed on this giving site. I for one, am still at a loss for how I feel and why the emotion is so fresh. So...I will share a thought of this wild ride I have been given. Seven months ago I lost Zoe, a wonderful lab and...my church. I find myself thinking of her everyday at some point...usually on my commute to and from. I speak to her freely and with just as much joy as one can bring to this mindful conversation. What I have witnessed is a calming, a peaceful flow of thoughts and giving memories that I hold onto with a firm heart. There are still tears at times, though I did promise Zoe I would do my best to offer smile in place of tears.
In my dreams, I see her good and whole...full of energy and joyful...dreams given are a joy and welcomed to my Heart.
At times when I least expect, a wave of emotion, a tightness in my heart...a shallowness in breath, and then...CRASH!, I am overwhelmed in a whirlwind of feelings...Zoe has arrived. I cannot fully describe what or how it comes to be, with all its power and unsettled grace, but I will say this...it has happened to you. I do not question the feelings, I embrace them...I hold them so very close, they are given to me as comfort for my spirit.
I look forward to the next visit from Zoe girl as she gently crashes into my heart offering comfort and assurance that she is good and all will be ok.

Blessing,

RichardR
Richard R
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Beaglemomma
Oh my.  It has been that long for you and you still get hit by that "tsunami" as one person said.  I keep hoping that it will lessen soon.  I certainly do NOT want to forget my Molly and that could never happen, but this raw grief is overwhelming.  I am glad that you are having some times of peace and calm though, that is encouraging.

Thank you for your welcome words.
janice
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Larissa
RichardR, thank you for sharing that. It's what I needed to hear tonight. I keep wondering why my Easter hasn't visited me in a dream,or no odd things around the house have happened as a sign from him. But I do have those wave of emotions,that "crash". So I keep looking for all these little signs when the whole time that wave of emotion,even when there is a ping of pain sometimes,that is him. My loss is still so fresh,but I do smile,I do love to think of how happy we were. I cry a lot,but I cry not just because I am sad. I cry out of gratefulness,love,hope,joyful memories. So maybe I need to stop looking for signs and just know he is with me, Don't complicate it. It's hard enough a life without him,I just need to stop trying to figure it out and let it be. Just ride the wave . Thank you for sharing that, you've given my heart a bit of peace and right now that's huge.
Larissa
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LUCYLULU
Oh RichardR~ it is very sad and good-- if that makes any sense at all-- to read about your Zoe. I think it's the depth of your love and connection. To know that 'the crash' is able to be a time, as you say, that you look forward to' because it brings Zoe closer to you.  It sounds like what may have been an unsettling feeling to times & visits with comfort. To know that she is OK has to bring calm. Thank you for writing about it-- especially after 7 months. It's good to know visits and signs still can happen.

It's still hard for me to not look for signs. I still appreciate any signs that come. Been hoping to see a red cardinal @ the bird feeders since I lost Lucy. Saw a female beige one for a few days after. Every morning I would look, ask, watch. After a while, I just hoped there'd be one. This morning, I realized the feeders were getting low. Made coffee & headed out to fill them. Just as I was moving to another feeder, a darkish red cardinal came. There were no other birds around even though I could hear lots of birds. Even though I walked toward it,  the cardinal just moved a little bit...but did not fly away. It was a moment that stopped my breath. I thanked Lucy and was better equipped to face the day. I realize how cracked this may sound. But I think for all of us, whether it's a cardinal, or a dream visit, or Richard's crash...we can all understand, the hope and the love. We just want to feel our best buds again-- or feel that they OK, and happy-- and still around us.  Hugs, KC
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