I lost my beautiful baby boy on Sunday and I just don't know how to move on with life. He was so young, only 5 years old, but he had a heart condition. We had been to the cardiologist every 6 months since he was diagnosed 3 years ago, and at our last visit the vet said there was some improvement to his condition. I guess I convinced myself he would somehow be cured of a disease that had no cure.

On Sunday I called out to him so we could cuddle in my office while I got some work done. He looked at me, collapsed on the floor and had a short seizure. We rushed him to the emergency vet, but there was nothing we could do. 

He's gone and I miss him so much. He was my shadow. He slept on my pillow every night. He would cry when he couldn't find me or just when he wanted extra attention. He was silly and goofy and always acted like a kitten in my eyes. I miss him so much it hurts. I can't stop replaying his final moments in my head. I know it's not how I should remember him, but it feels like if I'm not suffering, then I'm not grieving him properly. I know this isn't healthy, and I have an appointment with my therapist on Monday. I just needed to get this out there to someone...anyone...who understands this pain.
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Dear Kaybelle,
I am so very sorry for this huge loss of your kitty. It is so very hard to deal with. Im going through the terrible pain of losing my best friend, my dog Pie, to heart disease only a few weeks ago.
Its perfectly natural for you to replay his final moments. Let yourself be sad. Find people to talk to. This forum is a good place. Its good you're going to your therapist. Look after yourself. Take a break from your grief if you can , maybe go out with a friend, watch a movie. Your grief will be waiting for you, you dont need to do it all at once. Perhaps there is some comfort knowing it was quick and that you were there with him at the end. I hope in time, the sad memories fade to be replaced by happy ones. Try to remember, the greatest part of his life was a happy one, and that's because of you and your loving care.
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I am so sorry you loss your baby and at such a young age. That is not fair! My heart hurts for you. I loss my baby 9 weeks ago today and it still hurts. But I promise you, it will get easier. It is still so raw for you. I am glad you are going to get outside help as well. We do all understand the pain that you are feeling. There are alot of good supportive people here so please write as often as you need to. We truly care and tou are not alone. My deepest condolences. Hugs, Becky
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