Bobbycoleby
Willow was one of 2 grandogs I have. One from each of my daughters. She was in my life for just over 4 lovely years as she was my son in laws dog. She was a beautiful tan cocker spaniel. At first I found her a bit irritating as she was so needy, constantly seeking attention. My daughter and son in law moved in with me in order to save up a deposit for a house to which they moved in about 14 months ago. The moving in was the breakthrough for willow and i. We bonded and i mean bonded. I lost my mother just before christmas 2019. Willow helped me through the pain of that giving me all the love she could. That of course was reciprocated tenfold.
I found myself taking days off work specifically to have her over at my house. I Ioved her company. We'd sit on the settee and she would be all cuddled up to me. Giving me her love and devotion and vice versa. If I had to go anywhere without her she was there waiting for me with her tail wagging so pleased to see me at my return.
We lost her tuesday that's 5 days ago. I have never felt grief like this before. Screaming, shouting, sobbing. I cant be bothered to do anything with myself. It takes a huge effort just to take a shower.
Please help me get through this pain
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pannklaus
I am so very sorry about the loss of your precious granddog Willow.  Unfortunately, what you are experiencing is normal grief after the loss of a fur baby who meant a lot to you.  I experienced the same thing when  I lost my grandcat almost a year ago.  For me, the most intense grief symptoms gradually got better so that I could  function in my daily life.  But there is an emptiness which hasn't been filled.  I feel it when he isn't sleeping with me, when he isn't sitting by my side watching TV, etc.  I don't want another cat; I want my grandcat back.  

Being in this group has helped in knowing that what I have gone through is normal.  But no one can make the intense grief you are feeling go away.  It is a sign that you had a very deep love for Willow.  Just take care of yourself as well as you can and do what you can to make it through the next day or the next hour.  And know that many others here understand and care.
Patsy
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Bobbycoleby
Thanks for your reply and I'm sorry to hear of your loss.
I have been watching videos on youtube about grief and yes it is normal to feel like I am. Grief is a roller coaster with its ups and downs.
I will in overcome this grief but I will never ever forget her.
I miss everything about her from constant barking with excitement of going out to trying to pinching my food. When I used to talk to her I'm sure she could understand.
2 strange things happened around this tragic event. She went on tuesday but on monday night she appeared in my dream. I was in some big sort of building and she was sitting up in the roof trusses. I climbed a ladder to get to her. She was lovely. All freshly trimmed and bathed. I cuddled her and she snuggled in. I told her I wanted to take her back down with me but i couldnt. I think that was a sign she was on her way to heaven.
Then on thursday morning i took my other grandog for a walk on our usual route. It was still dark and quiet - no people about. About halfway round d he stopped and started staring across the road. There was nothing there to be seen but he kept staring. I honestly think willow was saying goodbye to him.
I know people may think I'm mad but I dont think I am. If it was her I hope one day she'll come and see me.
I still have my memories of her though. I'm 52 and had a few relationships. But I think willow taught me what love really is and I cant thank her enough for that.
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pannklaus
I think the two experiences you had are real.  Many people here have had similar kinds of experiences with their fur babies.  It is very common for them to come back in a dream, which has an intensity about it that is more than just a dream.  Willow was a major part of your life and there is so much to miss about her as you try to go through your daily routines.  I still miss having Lenny meow loudly in the morning to wake me up, even though it was annoying sometimes when I wanted to sleep.  The grief will go through cycles but there will always be a special place in your heart for Willow and you will never forget her.  It is good that you still have another granddog.   I started with two grandcats and lost both of them.  Don't let anyone discount your feelings; they are all valid and real.
Patsy
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Bobbycoleby
A close friend and my sister have told me I have to pull myself together. Truth is I just cant at the minute.
I work in a different city to where I live so monday to friday apart from colleagues in work I am on my own. Whether that makes it worse I dont know.
I have no idea why I threw myself into this love with willow. When I used to walk her I used to feel myself smiling. She was just so lovely so perfect.
Isnt it a shame we cant turn back time.
😪
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pannklaus
Love of our fur babies is something which just develops on its own.  We originally took our  grand cats and planned to just take care of them when our children couldn't. But over time we developed deep attachments and they became an important part of our lives.  There always seem to be some people who don't understand grief and deep feelings.  They think we should just get over it and move on with our lives.  But it doesn't work that way and it isn't something that we can will ourselves to do.  We just have to go through the whole process as well as we can, knowing that many others here are doing the same thing.  Everyone here would like to have their babies back again if only for a brief visit. It is indeed unfortunate that we cannot turn the clock back.
Patsy
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