Ncbrook28040
It has been 5 days since I watched my sweet Molly take her last breath. I'm writing this as I'm sitting in the floor in the basement where she slept ( this is the first time I've come down here since Thursday) crying my eyes out feeling so lost!! I haven't really had an appetite or felt myself since she got sick 2 weeks ago. I feel like all I do is cry and think about that day. I keep seeing her laying there in the floor at the vets office as I am laying over her. I keep seeing me closing her little brown eyes. I am just heart sick and all I keep saying is "im so sorry Molly".

Is it normal to feel suck guilt over having to put your pet down. It didn't even really blink and eye. I knew it was the best thing for her. I could have been selfish and kept her around a couple of days until the inevitable happened, but it wasnt fair to her. She loved me and trusted me and I feel like I let her down somehow.

I keep thinking about her body in her grave and how I want her out and I want to hold her and keep her warm! I get a crazy feeling of anxiety and dread when I come home, when I turn the corner at our yard where she's buried. I still listen for her and look for her and then I just cry! My daughters don't understand and try to keep me from crying.

I'm so confused! I didn't cry this much when I lost my paw paw whom I loved very much! I'm heart broken! I don't know what to do! I feel like my life is incomplete and I don't have a purpose anymore. I know this is absolutely ridiculous and I most certainly have a purpose I have two beautiful little girls and a husband, but being rational isn't exactly top priority these days. When does this heart sick feeling go away. When can I remember her and smile instead of bust into tears?? I never would have thought I would take losing Molly this hard, boy was I wrong! Any advise welcome I need all I can get!
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camunki
hi honey, take things one hour at a time, one minute at a time. yes, this is overwhelming for all of us. I too lost my baby Jemma 4 days ago...and shed so many tears, out of the blue i would just cry. I miss her so much. When i think back of her last "minute" its all blank to me...that was the worst part is having that 2nd needle go in.

I find comfort in talking to her daily, I find comfort in gathering precious pics of her. I have so many pics to choose from, one for her urn, many for the photo album, i even have a "memorial box" of my pets who transisitoned and on each side of the box is their picture...i even have a keychain pic with Jemma on it now..........i want her memory to live on, yes, she will have a legacy.

Please be sure to take care of your beautiful girls and hubby.....i myself have my other dog Rosalyn, that needs love and walks daily, and i do the best to give her all the love in the world.

This is a hard grieving road that we are all on....please keep posting, it take away that "alone" feeling.........huge hugs your way!

Cam


 
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Shadow947
I understand your pain. I just had to let go of my lab yesterday. He was a rescue. His name was Shadow. Oh the pain is immense. Ive been crying all day. Im thinking what could i have done to prevent his sickness...did I play with him enough..talk to him enough....I should have taken more days off just to have a Shadow day...sigh,..I know they say time cures things..I hope so..I hope so
Thomas conrad
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ddp
Sweetie,

There is absolutely nothing odd, or unusual with what you are feeling. I was a complete mess 24/7 for 3 weeks. I couldn't eat . I lost a lot of weight even though I was forcing myself to eat something. I would be tired, go to bed and lay awake all night, I was exhausted and dragging my body around like a 500 lb weight. No one could mention his name without me coming unglued. I was completely depressed. My appearance completely changed ( no make up, no care with my hair, no care with my clothes) I looked a hot mess. The sadness I felt was written all over my face. I was so bad that I had decided that if I didn't snap out of it within 4 weeks that I needed some help and was prepared to call my dr to get some antidepressants...just the fatigue alone was taking its toll. I live alone so other than the people at work no one had to tolerate or be patient. The people at work were patient, gentle and kind....they knew I was just muscling my way through every day, I didn't have to pretend. At week 4 I just snapped out of it. I am now at week 7.

My Max died suddenly from an undetected spleen tumor. We didn't even get to say goodbye. He was 12 years old. For the first 2-3 weeks the source of my overwhelming pain was the I knew he trusted me and I thought that I had failed him, Why had I not know than something was wrong? What did I miss? Why why why? Then I realized that Max had been to the vet 2 weeks before his death, and they vet dint even notice anything. I realized that there were periodic symptoms that appeared to be age related ( a miscoordinated step up the stairs here and there, periodically sleeping more) There was nothing that was consistently visible. Shucks the day that Max died he walked down the stairs under his own steam to get in the car for our "precautionary" vet visit.....5 hours later he was gone. Makes no sense, but it is my reality and I believe that I am finally making peace with it.

Be gentle with yourself. I read studies that indicate that this type of grief has the same physiological impact on the body as major surgery.....ripping your heart out qualifies!

Praying for you
DDP
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Shadow947
Thank you for the words of wisdom. Sorry for your loss ...It seems that Max was quite the doggie. Your love for Max shows in your words. I will be an uphill battle for me...Shadow battled and battled....and he has taught me some lessons about life...coming home today was tough ..his bowl blankie food collar all here...boy I missed that feeling of hearing him at the door even before I put the keys in the key hole...i fixed dinner and accidentally dropped some food on the floor..my natural reaction was to turn and say Shadow...come get this..I just cried immediately...it will take me awhile to get over..but when I do....I will try it again and get another lab....im a sucker for happiness
Thomas conrad
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TomAllinder
I certainly understand the pain of losing a dog. I am taking comfort in the fact that I am not abnormal for feeling this much grief. Each day is getting a little easier. I have thrown myself back into my work to distract myself. It works... most of the time but not sure I will ever completely get over it.
Tom Allinder
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Manjack
Like you I never dreamed losing my dog would be so hard.

Everything you are feeling is normal. I know that now but after losing our tiny toy poodle I became quite concerned that I was losing my mind. I had not felt that depth of grief after losing my parents and I became worried. I could not eat, I could not complete the simplest of tasks, I would awake from a fitful sleep thinking I could hear him barking. To say I was a mess doesn't even come close.

Then I found this forum and so many gentle, supportive people. The anguish I was feeling was being experienced by so many other people.i came to realize rhat those of us who have such a deep love and strong bond with our pets have to ride this roller coaster of journeying through the grief. It is a long journey, at least it was/is for me. My dog died in April, 2015. I want you to know you will not always feel the way you do today. The grief changes over time , we do come to an acceptance but there are ups and downs along the way. There are no timetables and there are no right or wrong ways to mourn.

Do what you must do...cry, get angry, talk to us, cry some more. Give the pain an outlet.

I am living proof that it does get easier.

She loved you and she trusted you. In the end you gave her the last gift that you could. You took away her pain ; it is up to us as the humans in the relationship to make those tough decisions.
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dkinney
I'm so sorry for the passing of your sweet Molly. I know she was your baby. I completely understand the feeling. I lost my sweet Corgi, Jenny, in January. I have cried enough tears to fill up this house. I believe it's ok and normal to cry until you decide you want to or not. That just shows you love her and that's a good thing. I try to remember that times Jenny made me laugh and made me happy. I actually believe she is with me in spirit. I've seen and heard things that can only be her. I let her pass naturally. I had a Schnauzer years ago thst we hat put to sleep when she was very sick. I've never really forgiven myself. I promised myself I won't do that again if I can help it. I also had a Sheltie that was 16. She was my baby. I let her pass naturally. As hard as that was, I feel like I would be harder for me to deal with putting her down. I still feel like I should be able to go dig Jenny up and she would come back to life and run around. Please know you are not alone in your feelings. I cry with you. God bless ((HUG))
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Kalford94
So sorry for your loss. I lost my little buddy Yoda, almost a month ago. I cried my eyes out the other day when my son said he couldn't wait to get home and play with our other cat. Yoda was our little grey Manx that we nervously made an outside pet. He hated being inside and showed it. He decided to explore underneath my nieces truck and got killed about a mile down the road. It does get better but I won't say it gets easier. I still find myself thinking about how he looked when I found him and it hurts. I'm praying for everyone who has come here for comfort or to comfort others.
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Rosanne777
We will have good and bad
days.

There will be days we will
feel okay. And,there will be
days we will not feel okay.

And,that is why we need
this forum so that we can
help one another through
the bad days.

Today,I had a bad day
so I am so glad that I
have this forum to share
my bad days with all of
you.

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