indy10
I will be 42 on Dec 8.  I have 3 female dogs I call the "chickers", they are my angels.  My 10 yr old min pin Indy has 3 turmors that have grown over 5 cm in the past 3 wks, before then no turmors anywhere.  Surgury is not an option, too invasive for her frail little body.  5 days ago I started a holistic regimin and grain free diet along with hemp oil, and her energy, and demeanor has greatly improved.  Unfortunately tonight there is a group of many masses growing rapidly on her tummy area along with the original mammery mass, and she is once again licking the original mammery mass.  My main goal when I returned home last Thurs from working in another state was to make her remaining days on earth the best and most comfortable as I could for her.  I spend most of my life now worrying, and having sad thoughts about negelected animals that I see, especially dogs.  I have never understood how some human beings can treat some animals so poorly, and yet I can really do nothing of great significance to change or help those poor animals.  And now one of my angels is coming to the end of her life, a life that was filled with more love and compassion and more spoiling than most humans will ever receive, and yet as I lay with her in my bed, which is her most favorite thing to do, I feel such pitty and sorrow for her and the cancer that is overtaking her little body.  I know she has had a full life, and I know that she needs to be euthanized as soon as SHE is ready, but yet I struggle with the thought of not having my Indy bindy in my life.
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LuckyLouWho23
I am so sorry that your poor baby and you are going through this. My sweet boy Jack almost made it to his golden birthday, to live until he was 17. Sadly he got so bad towards the end of his life that I would just hope that he would pass away in his sleep. He couldn’t stand, or go to the bathroom without me helping him. He wouldn’t eat unless I hand fed him. What I am grateful for is that we got to spend time together before he passed away. Also that we got to say goodbye. My daughter and I did not get to do that with Popcorn. When you talk about cruelty to animals it is also something that I will never understand. This is only part of what happened to our sweet boy Popcorn. Article https://petlife.media/pets-we-loved-and-lost?_ga=2.27217469.1244493518.1511151869-1464103482.1509596256
Once again I am so sorry about everything that you’re having to go through. Whatever your decision is it will be the right one, because you love Indy and she knows that you do.
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indy10
Thank you for reading and responding to my post.  I feel the need to talk about Indy and share her story with others as part of my anticipatory grieving process.
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jeffreyburcham
I had to say goodbye to my beloved puppy girl Satin Marie on June 1, 2017 due to Mast Cell tumors coming back in 2016. They first appeared in the summer of 2015 and surgery was an option then. It wasn't the second time so after a referral to the University of Missouri Veterinary Specialty Clinic in Wentzville, MO, we opted for chemo and radiation treatment. We first had to get rid of the infection on the big tumor on the inside of her left thigh so the treatments didn't start until February 2017. I question whether I should have had her veterinarian do the surgery to at least debulk the tumor but she was 10 1/2 and too much flesh had to be removed. I don't know if waiting several more months made it worse (most likely) but she started to show signs of improving. By Memorial Day 2017, things went down hill, fast. I knew she was in pain, she was bloated, had stopped eating and pooping and was just not herself, although the night we took our last ride together to go to the local animal ER, she tried her best to be herself. That day, we did a few things, puppy day spa, cheeseburgers and spending time together. By the night of May 31, 2017 I knew it was time. She quietly and peacefully left me shortly after midnight June 1, 2017. I laid there on the floor with her while the medicine was given to her. Not a day goes by that I am not crying (like now). 

I have been attending group and one-on-one grief counseling sessions and they help, having people there with me, sharing their stories and experiences. I was fortunate to have found this place the day after she left me and being here, as sad as it is reading all the stories of babies now gone, it helps tremendously to know I am not alone. I miss her so damn much! It's not fair, why my baby girl, why cancer? Is it not enough for "whoever" that children get these horrendous diseases and illnesses that our four legged children have to experience the same pain and suffering? we as a species kill everything around us: for sport, for hate, for whatever multitude of reasons we come up with. I firmly believe in karma and it visits us all in its own way. Losing my beloved Angel puppy girl Satin Marie, in my mind, is my payback for being mean, not so good, whatever, not just to her but in general. I know I am not a bad person but I could have been better and still can be.

I am fortunate to still have my three boys, actually Satin Maries boys, otherwise I would be even lonelier than I was before. I am married, to a good woman for thirty years but she doesn't understand how this is hitting me. We've had to say good bye to others in the past, two kitties and our puppy girl of 18 years Gizmo, who took Satin Marie as her own when she bounced into our lives in May 2006 as a 3 month old kid. They had three wonderful years together before we had to end Gizmos suffering in 2009. That is when our very first boy came to us, a month after Gizmo left. Satin and Elvis were a great team! He's a Boxer mix, very overweight now (thyroid issues). 2010 saw the addition of our German Shepherd kid Apollo, 3 months old and a bundle of puppy energy. Again, she took to him like she did Elvis. 2011, I rescued yet another boy, a Mountain Cur from Florida I saw on facebook. Spent the money to get him out of the shelter there, the vet bills, the airplane ticket to fly him from Tampa to Chicago to St Louis. Didn't matter about the money, had to save him. Apart from issues with my Shepherd, he was a great addition to the family and again, Satin Marie loved him. 

I know I have to go through this pain three more times. I wish she were still here. I have her in the backyard, buried with the others in a nice area of our yard, all fixed up. I know she is with me everyday, in spirit and in memory. There were so many things I wanted to do with her but having four pups makes it a bit of a challenge. I doted on her and would have spent thousands more to save her but I know it wasn't meant to be. I am grateful for the time we had, especially the last year. Everyday sucks because she isn't with me but being here and going to the counseling sessions are helping. 

I wrote a story of sorts about her and I wish to share it with everyone. Hopefully, nobody minds:


Did You Know?

Jeffrey Burcham

 

Did you know?

On that day in May 2006, when you were dropped off in front of me near our house, did you know it then?

Did you know?

In August 2006 when you had Parvo and we got through it together, did you know it then?

Did you know?

When you and your new mommy Gizmo chased squirrels while I watched, did you know it then?

Did you know?

All those times you agitated Sparkle and I would scold you, did you know it then?

Did you know?

When you chewed Uncle Ed’s Cubs hat and I laughed, did you know it then?

Did you know?

When Sparkle crossed the Bridge in 2008 and I brought her home and you looked at me with those eyes and watched me cry, did you know it then?

Did you know?

A year later, when Gizmo crossed the Bridge and I brought her home, and you sniffed her and looked at me with those eyes and watched me cry, did you know it then?

Did you know?

In July 2009 when I came home with a new pup, your first boy, Elvis and I watched you two play, did you know it then?

Did you know?

A year later when I came home with yet another pup, this one a kid and watched as you cleaned your second boy Apollo, did you know it then?

Did you know?

In June 2011 when I came home with another pup, your big boy Jesse and watched as you sniffed him up and down and accepted him as your boy, did you know it then?

Did you know?

Through all the yelling, scolding, bad times, did you know it then?

Did you know?

When you went to the vet in August 2015 and he said you had a Mast Cell Tumor and it was removed and I was with you, did you know it then?

Did you know?

Through all the treats, goodies, truck rides with me, did you know it then?

Did you know?

In June 2016, when a lump appeared on the inside of your left thigh and your vet said it was another tumor and I was there with you, did you know it then?

Did you know?

When we made the trip to the Mizzou specialty clinic in Wentzville, MO and took that nice long truck ride, did you know it then?

Did you know?

Through all the pills, the trips back and forth to Wentzville, the nice long truck rides with your daddy, did you know it then?

Did you know?

Through all the chemo and radiation treatments, the trips to see Dr. Ehling and the wonderful Staff in Wentzville, did you know it then?

Did you know?

All the times I had to make you take your pills, the IV’s, the crying, did you know it then?

Did you know?

That Memorial Day morning when I found you in the basement, laying there, looking up at me with those eyes, did you know it then?

Did you know?

On that fateful Wednesday, May 31, 2017, when we went to the puppy day spa and you were loved by everyone there, and I looked into those eyes and started to cry, did you know it then?

Did you know?

When we took our last car ride together to go to the emergency hospital, because I knew you were in pain and were suffering, that you had given all you could give, that it was time to send you across the Bridge, that I could no longer be selfish and that I knew, deep in my soul that I could not save you, did you know it then?

When the nice lady doctor came back into the room, and brought you back to me, when you were so sleepy and I laid down on the floor next to you, caressing you, talking to you, kissing you and you tried to look at me with those beautiful brown eyes, did you know it then?

When the nice lady doctor gave you the medicine that would finally put you at ease and at peace, that I laid there next to you the entire time, crying, kissing you, telling you how much I loved you, did you know it then, that you were so loved by me, mommy and everyone that knew you or met you? That you were the most important puppy girl in the whole wide world, to me?  

In those final moments Satin Marie, just after midnight June 1, 2017, did you know it then, that I had always loved you and I always will? Did you know it then sweet baby girl, that you were so loved by me? 

I know you knew it then. And I know that you know it now, there on the other side of the Bridge, patiently waiting for the day when we can be together again.

 

November 15, 2017

 

I would love to read Indys story and share her life with you and everyone else here. Please know, you are not alone and you never will be. I am so sorry for your loss and like everyone else here, I know your pain. I will not tell you the usual stand-by that time heals all wounds. I still miss my two kitties and my beloved Gizmo pup to this day. With Satin Marie, it's so much different but you all know what I mean.

Peace and happiness to you all.

Jeffrey



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