Bear_mommy123
We lost our baby Bear the end of April. He was a beautiful black cat with the cutest nose I have ever seen. It was all within 5 days from thinking something was wrong to the day he went to rainbows bridge. It isn't getting easier, it seems to be getting harder. You are so missed. There is just such a big hole in my heart. I just wish you would walk in the room and say hello, or eat your treats out of your hand like Jenna taught you.Does anyone feel this way?? Like it's getting harder.
Lori brant
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JRJalapeno
Hi. I know what you're going through. I just lost my little princess Isabel Saturday to cancer. She was only 5. I have the biggest hole in my heart too. She was my little angel and I miss her terribly :( we have 5 other cats and they're all walking around lost. The don't know where their sister is. It's heartbreaking. Just know you're not alone. I hope this gets easier...going on 7 days with little sleep. You and Bear are in my prayers with Isabel.
Joe
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Mistysmama
Missing them has no time limit, neither does grieving. I shall miss my girl Misty as long as I live on the Earth. There is no getting away from that. As you will miss your baby Bear.
 
But I have learned now to cope. (14 months later) Though I still hurt for missing her sometimes. Of course I do!  I love her, and the precious life we shared meant so much to me -and to her. I still get pain, but can get on with life better in a way. It will always be there as an incomprehensible thing that happened to two Souls who were meant to be together..... But I get through the days, with love. 
 
The end of April is not so very long ago. Only two and a half months. That is not so long after a loved one has passed away. 

Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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smkovalinsky
Yes, sadly,  grieving is a lengthy process.  We are indeed left with a gaping hole in our heart.  I am missing my dog terribly,  and sometimes (now that my crying jags are over)  I have to just let out a sigh or a moan because the pain I am carrying is just too much. I am sorry for your Bear,  and for your pain.  I have to believe we will be reunited with our babies again.  Until then,  we must keep their spirits burning like flames in us.
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heartsick

 

 

I am so very sorry for the loss of your  sweet precious baby Bear.

I lost my baby Bear also. Grief is a wicked roller coaster of emotions and it can get worse and then you may feel like it is a bit easier – not better –but easier. Grief doesn’t flow in any logical order.

Grief is awful and there is nothing else like this pain.

I am divorced - when I was married I buried my son- at that time I became a Certified Grief Counselor- I used the same graveside service for my Bear as I did for my son.

Please know that when we lose someone we love we don't stop loving them -

 LOVE NEVER DIES.

The soul bound connection that is between our babies and ourselves is forever.

Nothing - not death- tears -grief - or sadness will ever break the ties between us for those ties are made of LOVE so strong that NOTHING will ever sever those connections.

Your Bear most definitely knows that you love him and he loves you the same.

LOVE NEVER DIES.

When we grieve for those we love it is because we do not quite know how to live without them. We breathe because we have no choice but the living part takes a huge amount of learning and time. It takes quite a while to learn how to live a new life when our babies are not physically with us.

Grief is not something we get over but something that we learn -slowly- over time- to incorporate into our lives until it becomes a part of us like our bones and our breath.

Please know that we all understand here and we are all here for you.

We are all in this together and all walking the same roller coaster path of grief together -

some a bit ahead of you, some by your side, and some will come behind for you to help along.

Please come back and share more of your life with your Bear with us so we can get to know him

better through you.

You Are In My Thoughts.                                       

Susan(heartsick)

 

 

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Bethk_1958
Susan,
I hope you don't mind me asking you these questions. But since you are a certified grief counselor I thought maybe you could help me. I lost my sweet little Spongebob on June 15th. He was my little shih tzu of 11 yrs. I loved him so much and he was always with me. Especially the last 3 yrs, as he became blind due to cataracts. So he pretty much stuck to my side. He died very suddenly on a Saturday night. He had a little labored breathing earlier in the day, but I really didn't think much of it. I left for work, and when I got home 4 hours later, he was coughing like he was choking. I picked him up right away,and he was blue. I jumped in the car with him and raced to the emergency vet clinic. He died in my car in the seat beside me with me petting him. I am dealing with his death the best I can. My trouble is thinking how he felt. Thinking that he didn't want to die. It makes me so sad knowing he was scared, and I'm sure he wanted to live. How do I get over those feelings of not being able to help him, and not being able to save him ? I feel like I failed him.
Thanks for any help you may have for me. Or anyone else here.
Beth koyl
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PeteyLover
First Lori I must tell you sometimes I also feel like its getting harder. I lost my little boy of 16 years on May 13th. I don't cry every day anymore, but can still start to cry out of no where. I feel like I'm in a different phase of grief for him. I don't know if its better or worse because that hole in my heart and my life are still there.
To Beth, I know just how you feel. I lost one of my dogs a year or so ago very quickly. She was fine. I went to Home Depot for just short of an hour, when I came home the other 2 dogs came to greet me and she didn't. I went frantically looking for her and she was flat out on the family room floor. Would not get up, but she was conscience. I got down and checked her gums and her eyes and asked her what was wrong. Then I panicked. I got her crate into the car quickly and carried her out. The vet was only 10 minutes away and as I pulled the car almost thru there front door I think I heard a whimper and her last breathe. They did cpr on her for a while but she was gone. I was in shock. I felt like I was in a movie or a dream and couldn't wake myself up. She was only 9. I replayed the whole day for months. What did I miss? What if I hadn't gone to the store? Why didn't I move faster when I got home? I too felt like I failed her. I didn't save her. With my last little guy of 16 yrs, he was in renal failure for years and then heart failure. We may have taken heroic measures to keep him going for a few days or weeks, but we decided to let him go and not be miserable anymore. I feel like I failed him too. I think when we become powerless to save or help those we love and the outcome isn't the way we want, guilt takes over. I can certainly relate to what your feeling as I'm feeling the same thing. I don't know how to get rid of those feeling. I'm not getting past it at all. If you find the key, let me know.
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mlmw1960
I just buried my three week old kitten which had been abandoned by its feral mother because one of its legs was damaged due to the umbilical chord being wrapped around it during gestation. She left it in 54 degree heat at five days old, no food or water (Celcius which is over 120 Fahrenheit) here in Oman in the Persian Gulf where I live and work (I am from Canada and am a teacher) and it survived. I took it in, hand reared it, had a responsible vet care for it until the leg could be safely removed, and because of its obvious fight to live, I named him Simba, my little lion cub. He came home after two weeks and I continued to care for him and he thrived for over a week. He was getting used to his new imbalance but trying so hard to crawl and be active, his bright eyes shining every morning so happy to see me! Then yesterday, he started to get listless for no reason that I could figure, and his appetite had waned and I could feel his ribs and spine about his big belly. Was I not feeding him properly? What did I do wrong? Why didn't I leave him at the vet 250 miles away, for longer? The leg had healed so well, he was eating, but yet, I knew last night something was very wrong, and I was right. The tiny angel, this truly remarkable little lion baby, so brave with so much to deal with in his little life, I had hope would be part of my family of 6 rescue cats for years to come! but during the night, just before I woke up, he left this world to go to the Rainbow Bridge and I am inconsolable with grief and guilt. What could I have done more? Why didn't I try to get back to the vet? Why did I not leave him there longer? How can I ever forgive myself? Was I not attentive enough? What went wrong? I read all the blogs, I followed the vet's advice. But I think I knew before we laid down together (he died in my hand) that he was not going to survive the night. I am beyond inconsolable, I have no kids, only my 6 rescued cats, and to have seen two of them try to revive little Simba with their kisses this morning while his little body was still warm, was doubly heartbreaking as they are sad and confused and loved him so much too. They were the ones who ensure he would go to the bathroom by grooming his belly and stimulating his movements, they took such good care. What did I do wrong except be arrogant enough to think that I could handle this tiny little defenseless three legged baby. He had had an amputation at two weeks and he survived that like a trooper, was so well cared for by the vets, after having been abandoned by its mother at 4-5 days in that heat well over 100 degrees Fahrenheit, I thought the worst was behind him. But I buried him in some dry desert sand after I waiting two hours praying he would move or wake up, but he didn't I used the hot desert sand, so fine like brown flour to hopefully mummify him in this heat and keep him away from the scavenging birds and other animals who would dig him up as there are so many stones here and so little sand where I live in this God forsaken part of the Middle East the only place I could find a job. I am inconsolable. I was given him for such a short time, but my life has been changed forever by this little tiny angel I am so empty inside, and I feel so guilty that I did not have the means to get to the only vet 250 miles away round trip last night. I know you are all here to comfort me, and thank you because I am so upset and I need o be with people who understand the depth of this loss. My other rescues also special needs, are trying to comfort me by being very affectionate and near, but the guilt is hitting me now and I am so sorry little one I failed you. I did not see the warning signs because I did not know what to look for. Little angel you were so loved by everyone who met you and looked into your bright blue eyes! Please forgive me for not making the best choice for your care, I thought I had, but I was wrong and now you are gone. I will always love and will look for you at the rainbow bridge it cannot come soon enough. God bless you little Omani baby you will always have a forever mummy in me along with Bonkers and Moppet and all the others who have come and gone in my life. thank you for permitting me to post. I am grief-stricken and lost. Someone please help? I am here all alone in my grief. thank you and god bless you for this forum xxxxx
Heartbroken and praying it will soon be my time to go to the Rainbow Bridge to care for all those strays and other untreasured little ones just waiting for their eternity mummy to come and join them.
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PeteyLover
mlmw1960   I'm so sorry for loosing that little one and so sorry you have to handle it alone.   Read my post above on feeling guilt. The "what ifs" will destroy you if you let them. Believe me I fight them every day. Because of you that little one went to Rainbow Bridge after being loved and cared for. She was NOT alone for she had you. That means so much! I don't think you did anything wrong at all. Maybe that little ones life was just not meant to be. I don't understand why. How could anyone explain something like that when there is no way for it to make any sense? All I see is that she didn't die in alone, she knew what it was like to have love, and she knew that only because of you. I'm so sorry, your not alone though even though you are so far away.   
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heartsick
I am so very terribly sorry for the losses of all of your sweet babies.
First of all None Of You Did Anything Wrong.
It is a normal part of the shock and searing raw pain of new grief to
rake ourselves over the coals and "what if" ourselves to the "enth" degree.
I did it too. I wondered if I had brought him to the vet that week if they would have caught anything but there was no reason to bring him to the vet. Did I miss something in his behavior but that is not possible as we are connected at the soul and I knew every tiny thing about him as he did about me and he ate and went out and curled up with me for a nap as we had a zillion times over the 14 years we were together.
Our babies seem to pick the time they want to go and how.
They also seem to know in some way what is happening.
Your babies Love YOU as YOU LOVE THEM.
They wanted to Be with You.
Where else would they want to be other than with the one being in the world that means the most to them and whom they LOVE so very much FOREVER.

MLMW- Your tiny 3 week old kitten knows how much he is Loved and will always be loved.
Most of the time - over 90% - when a mother rejects a baby there is something drastically wrong -
more than just his little leg. It is quite possible that as he grew some of his internal organs did not grow with him and could not keep him alive. There is no way to know this as even the vet released him to your care. You gave this little one the only LOVE he ever knew and he LOVES you forever as you will LOVE him.
Both of your lives were changed forever by the bond you now have with him. You got him medical care and fed him and kept him warm and safe and dry and most importantly you showed him what LOVE is, and he showed You LOVE right back.

Beth, I am sure that your baby was not afraid but comforted because he was with you and that is where he wanted to be most in the world. He Loves YOU as YOU LOVE HIM AND LOVE NEVER DIES. It cannot.
My Bear was fine and we curled up for a nap together and only I woke up. I believe he knew he was going and wanted to stay with Me.
You most definitely did not fail your precious baby. You did what any of us would have done and raced him to the vet.
Our problems as humans is we want the LOVE OF OUR LIVES to be with us forever - and they are just in a different form- BUT that is not what we want. I cannot tell you why horses, parrots, and cats can live so very long from 20 to 40 years or beyond and our precious little puppy babies - depending on the breed live such short lives. Some breeds have an average lifespan of 5-6 years - the giant breeds. The breeds with flatter faces have shorter lifespans but on average a dog's life span is 8 to 12 years. We would all love to change this as it feels like someone reached down and pulled out our hearts through our eyes the pain is so awful. We turn our eyes from their aging and all we see is the sweet puppy we first brought home. We don't ever even want to entertain the thought that we will outlive them. It is awful. No Parent Should Outlive Their Child. Being a parent who buried my children - I can tell you that there is no difference. Love is Love and Grief is Grief. These precious lives that we cherished and cared for were just as much our children. It hurts like nothing else. I am so very sorry that I do not have any better answers for you. I wish I could tell you why or give you a shortcut through grief and grieving but there isn't one. The only way is straight through. We are all here for you always. I will always be here for you. We are all on the same awful and painful roller coaster path of grief with you. Some of us are a bit ahead and can tell you what is to come and some are right by your side sharing the same things with you together- and eventually some will come behind you for you to help along. There is no rhyme reason or sense to any of this. Why some people have to make that awful decision and why some people don't - we all share the "what if's" and we all want assurance that our baby was not scared or suffering in any way. We all share the anger that the one being in this world who was a piece of our soul is not here physically anymore. I will tell you this - if you think you see him out of the corner of your eye you probably do. If you think you hear them you probably do. They may not be visible but they are with us. Their LOVE for us is just as our LOVE for them. They never liked to see us upset or hurt or sick in any way either. Please keep writing so we can get to know your little one through you. You may not think 11 years is enough any more than I think 14 years is enough but also did not think 94 years was enough for my Grandmother. There is never a good time for those we love with all of our heart and who are a part of our souls to leave us. Feel free to write to me any time you wish in any way you wish.
I am sorry that I could not be of more use but truly there is no good answer as to why. We know going in that we will outlive them but until they leave we don't realize how much of us they take with them - However they also leave a huge piece of themselves within us to be cherished for all time.
You are in my heart and my thoughts.
Susan



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