FClaire Show full post »
Westland
I’m so sorry for your loss, craftyvirgo. You were both clearly devoted to your little one, Milo, and did the best for him. These early days are filled with devastation. We also feel robbed of a beautiful boy and feel very empty without him. My husband was up all night very upset.
Cherishing the wonderful memories helps - they are such wonderful joyful characters! -, but these are days of great sadness and my heart goes for you. 
FClaire’s kind words were a great comfort for me. I hope you find companionship and support in this site, because it helps. All my best wishes.
Quote 0 0
craftyvirgo
Hi
I come from the UK but found this site by chance.  We are also heartbroken as we lost our beautiful westie Milo on Monday.  He was diagnosed with stomach cancer at the beginning of the year.  For the best part of the year he was just as wonderful and happy as he always was but in the last week his appetite began to suddenly reduce and then he refused to eat. He was being sick most days and the vet assured us he would feel no pain at all with this type of cancer.  Being so sick on the Sunday before told us that enough was enough.  Because we loved him so very much we had to make that awful decision no one wants to make.  I am sobbing whilst typing this because the pain is intolerable and agony. My husband is crying on and off but trying to do his best.  I have booked leave from work for the week but absolutely dread going in.  I don’t know how to put one foot in front of the other and everything is such an overwhelming effort - I know time is a great healer but he was only 9yrs old and I feel totally robbed of a beautiful kind friendly loving dog who from the day we came home with him as a gorgeous puppy we have loved and cherished every millisecond of his life - how on earth can we be without him xxx
Quote 0 0
craftyvirgo
Thank you so much Westland - you have no idea how your words have helped - just being listened to and understood in itself is comforting - we are trying to keep ourselves busy but it’s so difficult - Milo was everything to us and we had to do right by him - we vowed we would never let him suffer but to make that decision to end your baby’s life is incredibly hard for anyone - again I can’t thank you enough for your kind words.

Kind regards - Pauline x
Quote 0 0
FClaire
craftyvirgo wrote:
Hi
I come from the UK but found this site by chance.  We are also heartbroken as we lost our beautiful westie Milo on Monday.  He was diagnosed with stomach cancer at the beginning of the year.  For the best part of the year he was just as wonderful and happy as he always was but in the last week his appetite began to suddenly reduce and then he refused to eat. He was being sick most days and the vet assured us he would feel no pain at all with this type of cancer.  Being so sick on the Sunday before told us that enough was enough.  Because we loved him so very much we had to make that awful decision no one wants to make.  I am sobbing whilst typing this because the pain is intolerable and agony. My husband is crying on and off but trying to do his best.  I have booked leave from work for the week but absolutely dread going in.  I don’t know how to put one foot in front of the other and everything is such an overwhelming effort - I know time is a great healer but he was only 9yrs old and I feel totally robbed of a beautiful kind friendly loving dog who from the day we came home with him as a gorgeous puppy we have loved and cherished every millisecond of his life - how on earth can we be without him xxx
Quote 0 0
FClaire
Craftyvirgo I'm so very sorry on your loss of Milo. It truly is so painful and heartbreaking. It's very early days, you are bound to be in some kind of shock still. Just take it literally hour by hour day by day. Because I have to say it is a very painful time and it is like being on a rollercoaster. Different thoughts and emotions every day. I definitely know and understand the guilt you will be feeling with having made that decision. We had to make it too. But it's only the last couple of weeks that I am now able to rationalize my thoughts and know now (well I think) that it was the right decision. It's the kindest last thing we can do for them. We wouldn't want them to suffer. We know that, and I know it doesn't make it any easier when someone says it. No words I don't think in the early days and weeks make it any easier. You gave him the best life and he knew you loved him very much. It hurts so much because of the deep love we had for them. It's 13 weeks now for us and I still cry every day and still can't believe Ollie isn't here. The house is so quiet and empty, I'm so lost and empty without him. Nothing feels the same anymore without him. I desperately miss him so much. I'm now at the stage were I just feel deep sadness. In the early days and weeks nothing or anyone else mattered, not even family. I just wanted to be with Ollie. Some days I still feel like that, but not as much now. Totally out of character for me. But I understand now its all to do with grieving. At times we feel like we are going crazy. All I can say is go with it if you are feeling like this. Keep letting your emotions out. Dont bottle them up. Make sure you eat even if you dont feel like eating. Healthy foods if you can. And drink water also. Because grieving is exhausting physically and mentally. I found I was turning to comfort food and this brought my mood down more. I know you dont feel like going back to work, but in a way it's a good thing because keeping busy will certainly help. I am home all the time I always was with Ollie. So it's been very hard. I'm also from the Uk and have had a lot of support from the bluecross support line. Ring them even if just to talk to someone who understands. They are really good. I have found with this you can feel very lonely because a lot of people just dont understand. It takes time, and I'm so sorry again. Be kind to yourself and like I said just work through it. Sadly we have to as we can't change anything. I still can't look at Ollie's pictures it's all too painful. I hope for us that in time we can look at our beautiful memories we have of them and be able to smile .They would want that for us, they wouldn't want us to be sad. Just too hard though at the minute I understand that. I'm still terribly sad, but that intense pain you are feeling does ease. Maybe biased westies are the best!!! Hugs to you xxx
Quote 0 0
FClaire
Westland, I hope you are doing ok also xxx
Quote 0 0
craftyvirgo
Hi FClaire - I cannot believe how truly lovely you all are on this site.  It makes my heart break every time I look at where Milo sat in the front room and the lack of an indent on my side of the bed upstairs.  I slept last night with his collar in my hand so that I could smell it - I say I slept but that’s not really true.  I have two grown up girls who have obviously been in contact but although it sounds really selfish I have had to tell them that at the moment I cannot give them anything of me because i need all of me to think about Milo and Milo only (If this makes any sense).  Even with my husband we are finding difficult to help each other because neither of us wants to upset the other.  It’s strange because I can look at my baby’s pictures on my phone and even the videos from the summer because he looked so well in them whereas in the last week it was so so sad seeing him clearly unhappy and not eating- even cheese! - that wasn’t my Milo.  I also feel frightened because I will never see him again - even saying this brings me to my knees again in floods of tears.  Like you and all the people here who have lost- we loved our precious crazy fox chasing brilliant beautiful funny Westie with a passion and so incredibly grateful he chose us.  Thank you so much xxxx
Quote 0 0
FClaire
I know exactly what you mean. I still sit here and look at his chair, he thought everything was his! And hes not there. I'm crying to now! He slept on the end of our bed, I could never stretch out and now I can, I hate it. I slept at the beginning funnily enough, I think because I was so exhausted with it all. But now I'm suffering with Insomnia. It's not selfish you have to do what is best for you. It's a very painful time. My husband and I are grieving differently. He's trying to keep busy and get on with it. I think men do handle things differently anyway don't they. Sounds silly but it's only the two of us now, and we both feel so lost. Everything before revolved around Ollie. Now it's just the two of us. I feel probably you feel it, everything has just gone. Nothing feels the same. My Ollie was so well up until the night he suddenly collapsed after a normal day. It was all so quick. Those feelings of feeling frightened because you wont see him again are all part of grieving, horrible I know. I still have those feelings but now not as intense. Believe me I was just like you, but I can promise that intense grief you are feeling now does become easier. I didn't ever think it would, I mean I kept saying how can it when I just want Ollie back. But it does. Just keep coming on here for support, dont suffer in silence. Everyone on here understands, where a lot of people you may find, even family members dont. I also belong to a Facebook group, if you are on Facebook. Its called the Ralphsite. It's excellent and everyone's so lovely and so supportive as they are going through it or have done.
My Ollie was so demanding and thought he was the boss. I would moan at him. Now I miss all that so much, his little westitude! Xxx
Quote 0 0
BorderCollieLover
FClaire:

  Your words are truly inspiring. I know that you really miss your beautiful Ollie. It's OK to struggle with his loss. I've been talking to a lot of pet loving people lately and the general consensus is that almost everyone experiences the full range of emotions while grieving. As a matter of fact, I just spoke with one of my clients today (big animal lover) who told me that she "still calls out to her Basset Hounds (Haley and Casey) while walking down the street,"  Haley and Casey have been gone for well over a year but she has that need to talk to them. As far as I'm concerned, I think it's emotionally healthy to do so. She had emotional intimacy with her Basset Hounds and wants to stay connected to them, albeit in a spiritual sense. It's helping her heal. So, it's OK to cry and not bottle up your feelings. You are at the (13) week mark of missing Ollie and you will heal when the time is right. Thanks for sharing your sage advice. 

Jim
Jim Miller
Quote 0 0
Westland
Hi FClaire, thank you for your words. I’m bearing up. Some days are better than others. The house is very empty and I had a low point in the early part of this week. I got a lovely card from the vet with a little pack of forget me nots to plant in Westie’s memory. What a lovely gesture! I also have lovely support words from the canine diabetes group I belong to. I hope you are having better days.
CraftyVirgo - I hope your return to work was ok. I found it helps to keep,my mind busy.
Quote 0 0
craftyvirgo
Hi Westland and all
I am up and down with my emotions, as I am sure everyone here has been at some point.  I managed to get through the door at work and just stuck my earplugs in and typed - there is always plenty to do in the NHS and no one helps work-wise when you have been off.  Yes it has helped because you are right, being busy is the only way to go forward - but Christ when you are on your own and have time to think you crash and fall again.  I feel surges of guilt mixed with anger at losing my Milo so young.  That is where I am so stuck and cannot see past this.  Unfortunately we did not have such a good relationship with our vets (I truly wish we had) I am sure they had my pup’s best interest at heart, but you never saw the same vet twice so how could anyone know my beautiful boy.  On the day in question where we had to book a double appointment so she would have been aware of why we were there she asked ‘so what are we doing for Milo today’ - my husband and I couldn’t even speak it was awful - she also questioned the pre-med injection we asked for.  We were able to rise over her lack of compassion and completely focused solely on Milo and thankfully held it together for our little man - though god knows how! - I want so much to write to them to express my utter disgust and disappointment but right now they are totally unimportant.  So sorry if I have ranted but this is the first time I have been able to see in writing how I feel and perhaps it will help - love to all xxxxxx
Quote 0 0
BorderCollieLover
craftyvirgo:

  I know what you mean about your utter disgust with the Veterinary profession." Personally, I don't trust them. I question their usage of strong drugs and pharmaceuticals with our beloved pets. Also, they should be warning people about the possible consequences of getting vaccinations over the long haul. What they're not telling you is that once your pet had been vaccinated with the core vaccines (early in our pet's life) that they are most likely protected for the remainder of their lives. In other words, they already have immunity and don't need additional ones.  I have lots of other examples that I could cite on conventional medicine and how they hurt our pets but I think everyone in this Forum knows that. I think you are perfectly justified with your anger. It's OK to rant about your experience. I feel the same way. Thank You for posting.

Jim


Jim Miller
Quote 0 0