Hello all,

I am new here, but so happy to have found a place that I can grieve with other people who know what it is like to lose a pet. 

I am on Day 2 of losing my sweet cat, Manchitas ( aka ChiChi), est. 18 years of age. It has been two really bad days for me. i am lost without her. She was my family. It was her, my boyfriend and other cat, Luna. 

She died on Friday, Jan 3rd at home in my arms. Earlier that morning had gone to the vet with her because she was acting very strange and not eating. She was very sluggish, sleeping and barely moving. The weirdest thing was i had noticed, a month prior, that she looked like she gained some weight. Her belly was bigger. I weighed her and she was around the weight she was suppose to be, maybe a pound or two heavier. Other than that, she was still Chichi. She was moving around, bothering me for my food, wanting to snuggle next to me on the couch, eating, and drinking like normal.

It was around after News Years that I noticed the strange behavior. I also noticed she wasn’t eating. She was drinking a little bit. So, Jan 2, that evening I called and made an appointment with my vet. I brought her in Jan 3, that Friday morning.  I explained to my vet all the weird things i had noticed: sluggishness, barely eating, feeling her spine but noticing this extended belly on her. The vet listening to me was ”hmm” the whole time. He checked her out, looked at her eyes, her teeth, her mouth, and felt her belly.  As he was feeling her belly, he felt something. He told me he felt something and was going to take her back for xrays, blood work, and urine samples. 

As he took her back there, i was sitting there in the examination room begging the good Lord to please not make it anything really bad, like a tumor or mass of some sort. I was tears. He came back And told me the worst news: She had a mass the size of a baseball in her abdominal area. I closed my eyes and felt my heart sink. He told me, very honestly, that he wants to wait for the blood results to see where this mass is attached to and what exactly is it doing. However, he did inform me  again  that this could be malignant and he wanted me to be prepared. He told me he put a rush on the blood work and urine results and hoped to get back to me by the end of the day. In the mean time, i asked him if should stay home from work and be with ChiChi, and he  thought that was a good idea.

The rest of the day Friday, i let ChiChi rest on the couch. I fixed the blankets, gave her hugs and kisses. Deep down i was hoping the blood results would tell me this is actually benign  and something can be done. But looking at her, in her state, sluggish, not wanting to move; it broke my heart. I tried to get her to eat, and drink but she refused.  So my goal was make her as comfortable as possible until i get the blood results and then i will make a decision. Something i always dreaded was having to make THAT decision.

So, 9pm rolled around, no phone call for blood results. I decided to sleep on the couch near ChiChi. As I layed down prepared to go to sleep, ChiChi started to cry out  loudly and made her way down the floor. I jumped up and grabbed her gently, she was so light. I held her, and noticed her breathing was started to get labored. I called my boyfriend, and told him we need to take her to the emergency vet. He ran downstairs to get ready, brought up a box i can lay ChiChi in. I was holding her and she was crying, and heart rate slowing down.  I was holding her And i didn’t not know what to do. Her breathing was slowing, her eyes dilated. she tilted her head back and..She was gone.. two last breathes and she was gone...

She died.. in my arms..  My sweet girl was gone.  I can’t believe in one day, she was gone.

We drove her body to the emergency vet to get cremated. I was beside myself. 

Next morning, i called the my vet to let him know that Chichi had passed. He called me back an hour later to offer his condolences. He was about to call me about her blood results. I told him what happened, and he wasn’t surprised. He told me the blood results indicated that her blood cells were so low ( more than half) of what they should be. And based on this information he would suggested euthanizing her.  He basically confirmed there was nothing that could’ve been done for her. 


It was so quick and i didn’t have any chance to emotionally prepare myself. I was so beside myself and cried Saturday and today.. I am having trouble sleeping. I feel so sad that i couldn’t do more for her. I am so heart broken. I miss her snuggles. I miss her beautiful, soft fur. I miss her “brrrss” and giving her belly rubs. I miss her paws, and her sweet face. I miss her wanting to grab my food off my plate. I miss her sweetness, her head bumps, her warm comforting presence. I miss her always next to me. I miss her funny ways of slapping at the wall while chasing the laser pointer. I miss her angel face. She was a beautiful and amazing cat. She brought me so much joy And unconditional love.  I want to scream how unfair this is, but i know it’s fair because this is the curse of loving a pet.  it’s a blessing and a curse. 

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I'm so sorry for your loss, Angie1116. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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I'm so sorry for your loss..She was a lovely cat. I wish I had something positive to say but I understand the heartache and devastation...take one day at a time.
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