redgirlraven
Why can’t I get better since the loss of my Roary? I have done this before, and I have suffered before, but this feels more immense. Why can’t I move forward. I am on a stupid vacation that I paid for a year ago and everywhere I go and everything I do makes me feel sad and teary-eyed. I need my boy back in the worst way. I feel like nothing will be okay again until I have him back and that can’t happen so that means it will never be okay again.
AR
Quote 0 0
Memories_of_Marmalade


My Dearest AR,

Oh my goodness sweetheart, I am so, so sorry for how difficult the grief and the loss is for you. It is because your Roary was no doubt your "Spirit Animal". You had a very deep and special bond. The level of your grief equals the level of the love that you and Roary had for one another.

So many of us here are with you. We are trying to cope with our losses as you are. People speak to me (11 weeks after putting my Marmalade down, this Thursday) and the only thing I can think in my mind as they are talking is:


"Don't you know my boy is gone?"

"Don't you know I need my boy back?"

"Don't you know my heart is broken?"

"Please stop talking and just shut up and leave, so I can go back to thinking about my boy." 


I say to myself every morning, noon and night:


"I need my boy back."

"I want my boy back."

"My boy is never coming back."


: *** (


My sense of grief and loss is on a level I have never ever experienced before either. So please know that you are not alone in your feelings and emotions. Not that you will find that comforting. But our hearts are breaking for your broken heart as well.

The only advice I can give you at this moment is to try and take a vacation from your grief. You can fully grieve again when you get back home. Just try and give your permission to yourself to take a break. Just for a bit. And know that you can be sad again when you get home. Just try and put those thoughts, feelings and emotions on hold during your vacation. I hope you are able to do so, but if you can't that is okay too. Just be gentle with yourself sweetie.

Kind regards,
James
Quote 0 0
redgirlraven
Thank you so much James. You have been so very kind to me during this horrible nightmare.
Everyone has been kind. But you have been so consistent and patient.
Recently I opened my front door to my mother after I had been crying and she asked “What happened?” And I felt like screaming at her “what the hell do you mean, what happened?! -Roary died!” But you see she thinks I should be over it already. So to her seeing me crying again she thinks there is something new bothering me. Like this isn’t enough!
What you wrote about what you are thinking is exactly what I think when people talk to me, including my boss. It’s just like a bunch of white noise and I just want them to shut up so I can go back to the movie playing in my mind of my boy.
AR
Quote 0 0
Memories_of_Marmalade


Thank you AR for your response. I am sorry for all the typos (now revised), my eyes were blurry from all the tears that were in them at the time. I am glad that my words held some meaning. Yes, "white Noise." That is a perfect term for it! Thank you!

Yesterday I had to help a business partner for a few hours, and the entire time I had to act "normal." Be "Fake Happy."I could not wait to stop being in their presence. Only one word was constantly on my mind as they chattered away. Telling me it "was good to see me being enthusiastic again". The word on my mind was:

"Marmalade, Marmalade, Marmalade."

XO,
James
Quote 0 0