It's been a week since I put my Sheba down. It hasn't gotten any easier, I've just gotten better at hiding it. I feel so guilty about trying to hide my sadness. Like, I feel like she's looking down on me and being upset that I'm not grieving as much. I don't know how to handle this. I want her to know I love her more than ANYTHING! I just want a sign from her....

Brooke (shebas mommy)
~Sheba's Mommy~
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She was beatiful Brooke.

Don't feel guilty - this numb part, it's part of the grief. On January 10th, we had to put my wonderful precious darling little girl down - her kidneys had failed completely, she was slowing being poisoned and couldn't stop seizing. My family cried, and expressed their grief but me - I was numb. She was my dog, and I loved her, so so much, and I felt like maybe I didn't really love her, maybe not crying meant she didn't matter, but that is simply not true. I couldn't feel guilty over putting her down, I knew without a shadow of a doubt it was her time, and that's where the guilt went. I loved her, she was my sweet little one. I knew logically that not expressing my grief that way didn't mean I didn't love her (just as you always know putting them down is right, but you get a "should I have'), but I felt terrible. 

I was just starting to come back to reality when, exactly three months later, we had to put my little boy down two weeks ago today. He had an incredibly fast growing and highly aggressive cancer that started in his liver and spread right throughout his body. The decision had to be made very quickly, and his system simply couldn't support chemotherapy (he was very old, with a badly compromised immune system from diabetes), it was the only option. This time, I grieved differently. I still hardly ever cry, but I nightmare every night, and I just can't sleep. Every time I go to bed, I'm suddenly holding his body in my arms, and it's magnifying all the horror for my little girl as well.

Sorry, that's the first time I've put any of this down into real, concrete words. What I'm trying to say is, don't feel guilty about "not grieving as much" - you loved her, absolutely, and you are grieving, just in a different way, the same way I reacted. She's looking down on you, knowing how much you loved her, and that is what is important, not how you do or don't express your grief.

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I am so sorry for your loss.  I am so sorry about Sheeba Brooke, what a beauty she was.  She must have been really poorly.  Our furbabies do tell us when it is there time to go to the Bridge.  My Gemma had Cushings Disease for three years.  . . I am so lucky that I had her for three more years with, but still you never want to let them go do you no matter what.  Then again I would have hated her to have suffered
Tyrium I am so very sorry for the loss of your darling girl and your little boy. All in the space of three month's I cannot even imagine what you have been through. Losing one baby is devastating let alone two.  My thoughts are with you x
Love Julie x
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