I lost my beloved cat Camille yesterday after a 4-year struggle with kidney disease.  She was my best friend, and I feel an emptiness I've never felt before.  I knew her end would be sudden.  She never slowed down despite her illness, and I knew when her time came, there would be no warning signs, just a sudden collapse.  That was just her personality.  The collapse came on Monday, and I had to put her to sleep because there really were no alternatives.  She was a shell of herself, she couldn't walk, she was incontinent, she could only eat if I hand fed her, she was miserable.  I didn't watch the fateful process, because she barely knew who I was, and didn't feel the need to subject myself to it.  I regret that decision substantially.  

Furthermore, because I'm a guy, and Camille was a cat, people don't seem to understand my pain.  Guys aren't supposed to have cats.  Guys aren't supposed to be emotional.  I'm both.  

I'm constantly crying, and am borderline hysterical.  I miss Camille with all of my being.  She was such an integral part of my life, from being my secondary alarm, to greeting me when I got home, to going to sleep on my chest...  I had her for almost half my life, and now it feels as if half of me is missing.  

Where do I start?  

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When you have a fur baby they just become an important part of your family and you have every right to cry and be emotional. It doesn't matter whether you are male or fact it's good to cry as it is part of the grieving process. I have cried so much I should be dehydrated! lol But seriously, just go with your feelings and cry when you need to. I completely understand the lonely and empty feeling. These are our babies who we have spent many years with and it isn't something that we can get over just like that as some people that think it's "just a pet" seem to believe. Don't let it make you feel just means you loved her with your whole heart and soul and nothing to be ashamed about. Just take one day at a time. Some days you may cry and other days you may make it a whole day without, but then all of a sudden you have another bad day. But it's just means you're normal and it's best to work through these feelings so that you can heal in time. So just go with it! Camille will be with you in spirit and now you have your very own guardian angel. 
God Bless
Rhonda [image]
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What a beautiful picture of Camille!  I can see she was quite a character from that picture.  Don't worry about what others think.  Greif is a very individual thing and you have to do whatever you need for comfort.  Sing to Camille, talk to her, cry, scream, do anything you need that you feel at the moment. Don't worry about what anyone thinks as they aren't going through what you are.  Everyone on this site has experienced that unconditional love and loss.  There are a lot of people who just don't understand and don't let them tell you how to feel or act. Camille is a part of you and always will be.  Look for signs, as she will let you know she is okay and free of pain now at the bridge. My Dali LOVES cats and I am sure she welcomed Camille at the bridge and was happy to have another cat to play with.  Their spirits live on and we will join them one day.  It is hard, but that love was worth the pain we feel now.  Take care of yourself..  Hugs to you and your beautiful Camille

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

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Hi Sam,
I am so sorry to hear about your cat, Camille. I also had to put my beautiful cat, Kahlua, down to rest this afternoon. She had kidney failure, and the doctor said there wasn't anything else I could do. After having the IV fluid, I brought her home. I was glad I was able to have her here for a few days. Home is where she belonged. She was my beloved friend for 18 years. I go in and out of crying and just can't believe she isn't with me anymore.
I know what you mean about expecting her to come when you call, laying on your chest, hearing her purr, and being content just being with one another. I hope we all learn to cope with the loneliness and the absence of our wonderful pets. I will always remember her beautiful kitty soul and the tremendous love we shared.
Take care,
Shari Parsky
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        Camille was such a gorgeous kitty! How can you not love that face? I am so incredibly sorry for your terrible loss. I lost my cat about a month ago. It hurts everyday. :-( It is unfortunate that no one can understand how you feel and might judge you for crying or being sad because you are a guy. After my cat passed away, my dad was devastated. He felt the same way that you are feeling right now. He's a man.  He loved a cat. He became really emotional. No one seemed to understand that. My dad stopped going out and attending the phone for a week or two. He stayed in his room and cried all day. He knew that even his friends wouldn't understand or support him. He dealt with the loss in his own way.

It's a good thing that you found this forum though, because there are many wonderful and supportive people here to help you through this difficult time. Our pets are not just animals; they become members of our family. We have every right to be sad and mourn their loss. And you have every right to cry. My advice to you would be to isolate yourself from people who cannot understand your feelings. And surround yourself with the few people who do. Time will definitely help to ease the pain. I hope you find the strength and courage you need during this difficult time. Camille is in a better place now, with no pain or suffering. Try to find comfort in the happy memories you have of her. I know that during the first few weeks after a pet's death, all we can think about is the END. We focus on how our pet died. We only think about the suffering. But after that phase has passed, you'll begin to think of all the joy and happiness that she gave you. All the good times you spent together. There's no easy way out of this. I'm still coping too. Some days I wake up feeling a BIT better, and the next moment I find myself crying and feeling guilty all over again. I guess it's natural. It's incredibly hard though. I miss how my cat Meeko used to wake up with me in the morning, how I would hold her right after I got home. I know you feel the same. My prayers are always with you. I hope we both find a way to cope with our loss and find some peace. Whenever you need someone to talk to, I am here. :)

God Bless You (and your kitty). Hugs. 
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I lost my Matilda to renal disease Sept 1, such a terrible disease, my other kitty jinx passed just 3 weeks earlier from cancer, which was also devastating, but with his disease I could see it you know, the decline, we knew when it was time, but Matilda, we never saw it coming, she just became ill, we battled for 3 weeks with Iv fluids and various meds to no avail, I am still very angry about her loss so quickly after jinx, what if I had tried less fluids, different meds, etc, I did everything the vet said to do and we lost her anyway, they said fluid built up around her heart from the iv fluids, they tell me without them she wouldn't have survived either, I hate the questions unanswered, the what ifs, that makes it so much harder
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