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Will_Never_Forgive_Myself

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Posts: 63
Reply with quote  #61 
My heart is still broken over my sweet little Parker. He's on my mind all the time.  I don't why he had to go so young. What a happy little dog he was. I still cry everyday. I can't help it. I miss him so much. Trying to get through this. It's been a long road and longer taking baby steps. I wish he was still here with me. I've never felt this much pain in my life. 

My Sweet Little Parker,

Mom is still trying to understand why you were taken from us so young. I miss you. I will always remember you. I think about you all the time. 

Please be happy wherever you are. Please watch over me. Mom is missing you so much and sometimes it hurts. Please send your love to me.

I am sending my love to you.

I LOVE YOU ALWAYS,
Mom
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starbucks107

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Reply with quote  #62 

EVERYONE is in Morning today!!! It really sucks to feel the Life go Out of a FAMILY MEMBER
Whom not even Modern Veterinary Medicine can cure or care like humans! This REALLY sucks!
I do not know why or what it means Now!

I was given this Doggy for a Purpose. But yet she was taken away from Me TOO SOON! DAM IT!
Part of Me regrets My decision & Part of Me REGRETS a Lot of the STUPID decisions I've done!
All I can do is deal with the cards I was dealt and ask for Gods Forgiveness and Prayers for My BabyGirls's Soul.
I'm not seeking sympathy and I don't get that here! I think of this place as a catharsis for feelings.
I KNOW dogs have a soul...They Dream! And My Dream Is to be surrounded by all My Dogs that
Have passed on before Me one day! Thanks to an almighty God for the Time I had with Daisy, Ben, Cracker, 
Opal, Cindy and Now Baby Girl...I Loved them All forever! May they find Eternal Rest and the Peace
of Gods Love that is given to all that ask for it! No More Pain Girl....

Goodbye Daddy & Mommy Loves You!

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starbucks107

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Reply with quote  #63 

DSC-0065.jpg 

                                               (BabyGirl)

BabyGirl was a Female Maltese that I found while working in Lynwood, Cal. I was immediately wanting this Beautiful Doggy! 

Something that she evoked was true Love and the need to be loved! I wanted so much to give this doggy that security and love
that she had missed before. BabyGirl was originally named "Honey" by her former owners. She lived in a squalid setting with a Pit Bull
Terrier and a ferocious German Shepard. The owners really didn't care for her and this tugged at my heart. BabyGirl had this funny way of barking at people
or other doggies! She would rear up on her hind legs and then bark! I found this so amusing! She LOVED to Play with a squeaky 
Sounding Chew Toy! When playing with her she would bend and lay down on her front paws and wiggle her rear end upwards while barking happily!
I am thankful for having a doggy that loved these times. We were a fun family all of us! We took BabyGirl to Yosemite, Sequoia, and all points between
Los Angeles and Fresno. BabyGirl was a good traveler and never wandered off without a leash! She Love to be under the covers of our bed. 
She would maneuver herself throughout to get the best spot. And Photos! She was a Ham all the time.  
My Wife Gabriela showered BabyGirl with LOVE, Toys, and Shirts...She would talk Spanish to all the Dogs (We had 4)
BabyGirl would wait for My Wife to come home every night after work! She was also a good watch dog for our home!
This is just some things about her, BabyGirl's Friends Sammy, Jay-Lo, and Beanie (Below in Order) are also Heartbroken and are MourningDSC_0058.jpg  DSC_0071.jpgDSC_0069.jpg

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Will_Never_Forgive_Myself

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Posts: 63
Reply with quote  #64 

starbucks107,
A person who called himself a professional vet took my dog's life away at 6 years old. You speak of modern veterinary medicine. They all don't practice modern medicine and they should!  I found out too late this vet is still working in the dark ages with old meds and old techniques. I regret every single day taking my dog there and not staying with our first vet who is up to date with everything. I am filled with regret and guilt. I feel empty, like someone sucked out my personality. I am not the same. Nothing is the same at home. My dog healthy. This was just a routine dental cleaning that was supposed to be a short procedure and it was voluntary. He came home in a plastic bag. A nightmare I have been living ever since. My regret is not skipping it because it wasn't a lifesaving procedure. I was in no hurry. I know I would have gone back to his first vet and had him do it. He never had a problem with that vet. I am sorry, so sorry my dog lost his life. I feel responsible not making the right decision. I feel I failed my dog. He deserved to live his life.

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Will_Never_Forgive_Myself

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Posts: 63
Reply with quote  #65 
My Dear Little Parker, My Baby,

I want you to be happy wherever you are.  I'm thinking of you everyday. I miss seeing you at the top of the stairs staring down at me, waiting to be by my side. I miss seeing you running down the stairs on 3 legs with one of your back legs up in the air. I could never figure out how you and your brother did that. 

Every morning I think I'm going to see you jumping out from under your blanket. Then I remember you are not here.  I try to go through the day being strong. When it's time to eat I think I'm going to see you jumping up to bite your brother's ear and his leg doing your crazy thing as usual. Then I don't see you here. When I take your brothers out I think you will be running up to me, the first one to be ready to go. I don't see you there. At night when I tuck in your brothers and kiss them goodnight I go to look for you to give you a kiss, too.  You are not there.  The the sadness sets in each and every time I think I will see you and you are not there.

Your absence is very noticeable at home. You were always the leader. First to be ready for everything. I never had to call you and wait for you. You were always there like a soldier saluting his captain. You were always there when I needed comfort. You would give me your little loving kisses and if you could I know you would have wrapped your little arms around me. Instead I would wrap my arms around you and hug you, my little boy. 

I wish you could have talked. Then we could have had a discussion about your visit to that place and you probably would have said to me, "Please Mom, I don't want to go. I'm afraid. I'm scared. Please don't let me go there. Please Mom." I would have listened and you would have saved your own life. You would be your own hero. I wish I was your hero. I'm sorry I let you down. I didn't hear your voice. Maybe you were telling me and I didn't know. I should have been your voice. I was supposed to protect you. It hurts me that I feel I failed you. 

I want you here where you belong. You belong with your best friends, your brothers. I let them take you away from them. All I ever wanted was to take care of you the best I could so you could live a long life. You deserved to live your life. You loved living. Everything made you happy. You didn't ask for much. You gave more than you asked for. I wish I could see and hold you again. I miss you so much. I'm sorry. 

I love you forever,
Mom
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Will_Never_Forgive_Myself

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Posts: 63
Reply with quote  #66 
Last night I cried myself to sleep as I do every night. I think about my little Parker and wish I could tuck him in at night. Thoughts come in my head that he was frightened, held against his will, trying to get away, screaming, crying and thinking that we abandoned him. I dread if he died in fear. That would be too much for me to bear. I already feel bad I let him go to that place when all along I had a bad feeling about the procedure and that place. Today I thought I'd be okay. Most of the day was okay, but when I let his brothers sit on the deck, I remembered Parker loving to sunbathe on the deck and when his brother would bark, he would quickly get up and run over to join in. I am missing that. I was doing garden work and just began to cry about losing him.

I will never see him again. He will never see us again. He loved us so much. It made him so happy for all of us to be there for him. What a happy little dog he was. The only thing is he was frightened by being handled by strangers and it made him scared, fearful, and panicky. I should have known better. I knew he was like that. This place was strange to him. He only went there 2 times and each time was a terrible experience for him. He wasn't afraid of his "pediatric" vet.  That vet has a way with animals, like Dr. Dolittle, he talks to them. always upbeat. He calms them, always makes them feel comfortable and wanted. He never allowed him to stay in fear, he didn't want him to think it was natural to be like that. He wanted him to be relaxed and calm and that's what Parker became in his company.  I will never forgive myself for letting him go to a new place with complete strangers. 

I wish Parker was here right now. He would be right beside me. He loved following me around the house, just to be close. He was a wonderful dog and protector. It's not right. It's wrong that he's gone. He was healthy and only 6. That's not enough time for him to live his life. His life was taken. I always believed he would live the longest because he was always so healthy and had endless energy. First up in the morning, ready to play all the time, first to be ready to go out for his business and first to be done with it. He was an easy dog to take care of. Never fussy. Everything made him happy.

I am heartbroken even after all this time. It's still with me because he stood out so much. He was the pack leader. He was my leader. He made a difference here. It's so quiet without him. His brothers just mope around now. I'm sure they miss him and don't understand where he is and why he hasn't come back to groom them, to play with them, to cuddle next to them. I've told his brothers I am sorry just about every day, and always at night when I tuck them in. 

The laughter in this house has stopped since he's gone. It's like time has stood still.

Parker, I want to tell you I am sorry and I wish you were here. I miss you and I love you always.

Love,
Mom
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Will_Never_Forgive_Myself

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Posts: 63
Reply with quote  #67 
To my little guy who always made me very happy,

Parker, you were the light and sunshine in this house. You were the comedian who made me laugh all the time.  You are irreplaceable.  I was one of the happiest foster failures when I fostered you and your brother after you were both neutered.  I couldn't let the two of you go.  I couldn't have someone else adopt you.  I loved both of you since the night you first came here and I still love you both.  I had 6 years with a loving, crazy character -- you.  It was not enough time.  You were taken from me too soon.  I always feel guilty because I didn't keep you home as I wanted from the start.  I didn't follow my intuition.  Your mom was so busy and selfishly I overlooked you and you went there.  I don't how I can make it up to you, except to take good care of your brothers.  I know how much you loved them and were their best friend.  I tell them everyday that I'm sorry about their brother.  I break down and cry.  It's when I take them out and I am missing you being there. 

I know you're a dog and don't read.  If there's any way you can understand my letters to you wherever you are, please give me a sign. I don't know what's on the other side or if there is another side when we pass.  I hope there is and that I will see you again and hold you while you give your little kisses to me as you always did.  I'm not that young. I could go at any time. I truly hope there is a place in the afterlife where we can be together again and then it will be forever.  I won't let you go.


I miss you my little buddy.  My little leader and my hero.  

I love you forever and ever,
Mom

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Will_Never_Forgive_Myself

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Posts: 63
Reply with quote  #68 
My Little Parker,

Today was another hard day without you.  Mom couldn't get it together.  I cried most of the day.  I keep thinking how unfair this was to you.  I know you would have never wanted to go there if you could speak. I should have been your voice.  I wish I could turn back time.  

Please give me a sign in a dream or something. I need a message from you that you are not disappointed in me.  I keep your brothers close to me. I watch over them, but not as good as you did.  I saved your favorite squeaky toys.  I will make sure they stay the way you left them.  I am so sorry.  Please come to me in a dream.  I need you to show me you are not mad at me. 

I love you so much it's hard to sleep sometimes because I think of you.  I wish you were here with us.  It's so unfair what happened to you.  I need to know you are okay wherever you are.

Please be happy as you always were. Such a happy little boy.  I keep hoping this is just a bad dream. I need a good dream, one with you in it. I want to see you happy.

Mom thinks of you everyday. It's not hard to think of you.  I miss your craziness and unique personality.  You cannot be replaced.  Please baby, let me know how you are. I'm missing you.

I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER,

MOM
XXXXOOOO


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Will_Never_Forgive_Myself

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Posts: 63
Reply with quote  #69 
MY DEAR LITTLE PARKER,

We are starting to have nicer weather.  Your mom is overcome with sadness.  I can see you sunbathing on the deck on a day like today, but you are not here.  

I am missing you tremendously.  I know your brother Leroy is looking for you. I see it in his eyes.  He is sad.  You, the pack leader, are not here and I'm sure he's confused.  I feel bad for him.  You were his best friend.  Parker, you brought out so much in him.  You made him less shy.  You were the sunshine and energy that kept this house going.  I don't know how the sun keeps shining without you around.

Mom is still crying about losing you.  I am still very sad you are gone.  You should be here. I know about fate, but this was not your fate. You were too young. Too healthy. I never got to say goodbye.   

How do I tell you, my little boy, that I am sorry?  

PARKER, I LOVE YOU FOREVER,

LOVE MOM

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Will_Never_Forgive_Myself

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Posts: 63
Reply with quote  #70 

Dear My Little Boy, Parker,

It's hard for me to accept you are not here. I miss you jumping up near the bed in the morning. You were always the first one up. Your unbelievable energy rubbed off on us. You kept our spirits alive, full of life, and filled us with love.

I'm still having a hard time accepting you are gone. It never seems real because you gave this home its shining light. Without you there's more darkness. 

Your brothers know something's different. They don't fully understand, but then neither do I. I will never understand why you were taken when you weren't even sick. 

I gave up the garden this year so I could use my new camera and take portraits of my little boys, my 3 best friends. I wanted to get beautiful pics of all of you together and put them under acrylic for a lasting memory of the 3 of you. That won't happen now. My dream has been shattered. I haven't used my camera since you've been gone. I don't feel as excited about it now. How can I with you gone?

Oh, how I wish there was some way to change all of this. I guess there are no miracles. If there were, your life would have been spared. 

I don't know what's going to happen in the future. Someday your brothers will also be gone, that's when I hope my time will be up, so I can be with the 3 of you again. There will be no more reason for me to be here. I know my purpose was to rescue you 3 from the shelter, to give you the best home and all the love and protection possible. I would have never wanted it any other way. I knew you would be safe and happy in our home. 

When you all were puppies I thought I had many, many years with you to come. I never imagined I could lose any of you so young and so innocent.

Please forgive me that you weren't able to live out your life much longer. I am so very sorry. I hope you are not upset. 

I'm wishing and praying we will be back together again, and with your brothers who miss you so very much.

I love you Parker. I hope you always knew how much you meant to me, and how much you still mean to me.

I'm praying you are safe from harm and suffering. I want you to be happy. Please give me a sign. I need a sign of your love, the abundant love, you, as a little dog was blessed to have. I was blessed to have you as part of my family, my son. I am blessed to have your wonderful brothers. You were all such good dogs. I have no complaints, only sorrow that you are not here.

It never seems real. People who knew you know why it doesn't seem real, because you were filled with passion and we never thought that passion would be gone.

I love you forever, Parker. I will never stop thinking of you. You will be in my heart even after I die.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, 
Love Mom
XXXX OOOO

 
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Brownie74

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Posts: 248
Reply with quote  #71 
Sending you blessings and hugs.
I so understand where you are at with your feelings, and I know its physically gut and heart wrenching. I only want you to know you will feel better than these terrible feelings you bare having. It def. Takes time and a lot of mourning, but the pain will ease a bit You will always miss and love Him though.
Blessings Jess

__________________
My boy, Brownie
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Will_Never_Forgive_Myself

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Posts: 63
Reply with quote  #72 
Thank you Jess (Brownie74)

I think we had a similar dog breed.  My little Parker was a Chihuahua-Beagle.  It is so painful for me because of how he passed. So senseless. Every day I regret taking him to that vet. He wasn't our regular vet. This vet stole his life and had nothing to say about it.  I know Parker would be here if he didn't go there. He wasn't sick. He was healthy and only 6. I've been missing him so much.  I've never experienced anything like this.  It's agonizing because I know it was senseless. Thank you for your thoughts. I need strength for his 2 brothers who miss him very much. I see it in their faces. They are confused and sad. Parker was their best friend. He was everyone's best friend. He was my little hero. 
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opus

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Reply with quote  #73 
Sending you warm thoughts and huggs
__________________
Jace, I love you greatly and I always will.
Be free from pain and disability and take joy in your new life across the rainbow bridge. May we be united again someday.

In the meantime I hope I can find peace and the support I need to get through this pain.
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Will_Never_Forgive_Myself

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Posts: 63
Reply with quote  #74 
It's a nice day, the sun is shining, but why does it feel so dark to me?   I'm clouded with darkness.  I miss my little guy.  I don't think I will ever see him again.  Rainbow Bridge?  Who knows.  Another difficult day for me.  I expect to see him sunbathing, running through our yard, playing with his brothers. He was full of life.  So full of life, health, vigor, happiness, and love.  It was taken from him in a matter an hour or so.  I can't make sense of it.  Trying to keep busy. It's impossible to not think of him.  Every day I miss him.  He was my little peanut.  Was?  I don't now how I can even utter that word.  Speaking of him in the past tense doesn't seem right.  

Parker, you deserved your life. Your simple life was so important to you. You would never take anything for granted, unlike people.  You deserve to be here enjoying the little things that made you so happy.  A little dog who asked for nothing and gave so much. 
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Zana2011

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Posts: 8
Reply with quote  #75 
So so sorry for your loss .😭.I'm goin through the same thing and everyday I expect to feel a lil better and everyday I wake up w the same lump in my throat...I will pray for u. For God to help to give u the strength to get thru this..🙏
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