Chantelle Show full post »
sbsad
Chantelle, I have three young kids and I'm also still a wreck over my sweet dog Maggie. It's nice to know I'm not alone -- I feel like a lot of people who have kids lose some of their affection for their dogs, but I never did. I do feel awful that this happened near Christmas too, because it is so hard for me to enjoy anything right now.

romee1, my Maggie was also a beagle. Those beagles really worm their way into your heart, don't they?
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Sweet_Sage123
Today my thoughts are #1 I wish time would past fast do the pain would end and #2 I wish the time would past slow so I'll never forget one single thing about my baby - I'm so deeply sad
I too lost my sweet Sage on 12/7, she would have been 13 in February.  The guilt I feel is almost unbearable.   I have so many guilt questions, is she ok now?  Does she know how much I love her and I wasn't trying to hurt her? HOW am I going to live the rest of my life without her?  My heart hurts so bad its hard to breathe at times.
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Vegas2015
Chantelle,

We lost our Chihuahua last Friday, December 4th and the pain for both my wife and I is hard and reading through your post and similar posts we all have given our furry companions the best life we could provide them.  Plus they gave back so much and will miss what they gave us daily.

I would like to think that SweetSage is having a great time playing and waiting for a familiar face at the bridge.
John & Renee
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Sweet_Sage123
Vegas - thank you! I pray you are right and she'll be waiting for me - but it the mean time I miss her so much I would give anything to have her here with me !
I too lost my sweet Sage on 12/7, she would have been 13 in February.  The guilt I feel is almost unbearable.   I have so many guilt questions, is she ok now?  Does she know how much I love her and I wasn't trying to hurt her? HOW am I going to live the rest of my life without her?  My heart hurts so bad its hard to breathe at times.
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Jessa
I lost my cockatiel Charlie on Wednesday. I know how you feel... Nobody at my work understands how much he meant to me, my family doesn't understand.. I've cried everyday. I still can't believe he is gone. He was only 2, he should have been with me for so much longer but he got sick and despite everything I did, he couldn't fight it any longer.

Please just know that people here understand how you feel, even if it feels like those around you don't.
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always_tuffy
Chantelle,

I am sorry for your loss and for your pain. Only time has the answer as to when the pain will lessen. No it never goes away, but with time it changes its personality as well as its effect on our hearts. I learned with Tuffy to think of the pain and tears as kind of a tribute to him and the love we shared. It seemed somehow, at least for me, to make the agony easier to handle. Not that it hurt any less, but became more bearable when I thought of it as honoring my Puppy Man. I send you prayers to make your journey bearable. The following is a poem I wrote to everyone here in the months after my heart broke. I hope it will bring you a measure of comfort. I realize they are only words, but unfortunately, words are all we have.

Broken Hearts
To the hearts who come here broken
Truer words were never spoken
Than I love you and I miss you everyday.

To those who are alone now and crying
Waking, sleeping, always sighing
Come back, I need to hold you once again.

I cannot give you rhyme or reason
Nor can I predict the season
Grief will relax its constant, viselike hold.

What I do know is how you’re feeling
That in time will come the healing
From the tragedy you now cannot see past.

Then you’ll not forget, but better remember
Every blessed January through December
The love of the finest friend you have known.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal;
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Tuffy, My Puppy Love
June 20, 2005-July 26, 2010

Becky Leigh, Queen of my Heart
December 2010-November 10, 2015
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Chantelle
I am overwhelmed by the love and kind words from everyone on here even though we are all suffering from our own losses.. so thank you... without this forum im not sure what id do.. its given me a place to speak my mind and air my concerns and hurt without judgement.. so thank you to everyone... and thank you always_tuffy for your beautiful poem...touching words... Im not sure how anyone else is getting on but i feel numb... life seems to have reverted back to normal for everybody around me yet i am simply going through the motions.. im back at work and uni and have the kids to look after.. yet i dont feel normal... i dont feel ready... i simply feel alone.. no matter what my partner tries hes unable to heal my broken heart... his smell is fading from his collar and its only been almost a week... a whole week since i last held my boy.. since i last hugged him and kissed him and told him how much i loved him and how sorry i was i couldnt save him... a week since he last kissed my face.. since our last walk.. since his last treat... they still sit on the side in my kitchen untouched.. his bowls clean on the draining board... and he is gone.. people talk to me now as if he never existed . daring not to bring him up... my baby.. my boy... my heart is broken in two.. im alone... i hope hes not alone... im just waiting.. hoping it gets easier... every night is a battle with my mind and my heart... my mind tells me to accept it and try to move on and find peace.. but my heart is aching and my tears keep spilling for my boy.... my beautiful Rocksy... My one and only... never again can i do this again... my 1 and only dog is gone... and i can only pray we will meet again xx 
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bartlett
To Chantelle: Your words are the same as the ones that run through my mind all day. I am so sorry you lost your Tuffy and I know exactly how you feel when others seem to forget so quick. I don't know if it would be any better if I didn't live alone. Probably not, unless the other person loved your baby as much as you did. I had made Chester (my long haired dachshund) a handicap ramp up to my front porch and when I sit out there in the morning to drink my coffee I want so bad to see him strolling up his ramp. I can't sit in the kitchen to eat as I used to because he was always there to see what treat he might get. I've come to the conclusion that my grief just needs to be mine and know that it won't always be this bad. If this is the price I have to pay for the 13 wonderful years I had with him then that's just the way it is. It's only been 10 days since I last kissed my sweet boy and told him I loved him. I know I did the right thing by releasing him from his sickness but it was the saddest thing I've ever had to do. Mine was the last face he saw.

I'll think of you and know there's someone out there that GETS IT.

Chester's mom (Joan)
joan bartlett
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bartlett
To Chantelle: I just realized in looking back over these posts that I didn't get your babies name right. Excuse me Rocksy.
joan bartlett
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Trudijane
Hello,
I am so sorry for your loss.   You're not alone in your feelings, but unfortunately you have to go through the grieving process alone (which I have found out).  It takes time, but the shock and pain does lessen.

I lost my baby in August.  We had a very special bond.  I loved him more than anything else in the world and for a cat, he died to young at 9 yo.  It was unexpected and a shock.

I never sobbed as much as I did when I held him and see him transition to hopefully a much better place.  It's like that last thing you want to lose, yet you do the most unselfish thing by letting him go because it's equally painful to see the suffering.

I barely remember the first few weeks because as one gentlemen wrote here (I wouldn't advise it either) I drank to excess along with anti-anxiety pills until I just passed out plus the pain of crying felt too hard to bare.  I was in a bad state and my Drs. were worried about be.  I didn't care what happened to me.  I just wanted him back.

Then, I was sad every single day for a very long time, could not smile, was angry at the world and just about everyone and spent most of the time completely alone.  I felt changed and empty.

It's 4 months now, and is not a day I don't think about him, but the excruciating pain is less.  Sometimes I break down though when I remember the last moment I spent with him.  Other times, I just feel sad and yearn to just hold him one more time.  I have to be here to take care of another cat who is also grieving (I can tell).

I've had 3 generations of cats and remember after having one for 17 years, I couldn't imagine how I would go on yet I did and learned that one IS capable of loving another pet.  There are SO many that need love.  I would have liked spending the rest of my life with beautiful Coons, but have begun the process of acceptance that I can't.

I know I have to move on now, and little by little, I've allowed myself to smile.  I still have a picture out, next to his ashes and each time I walk by, I kiss the glass and the ashes.  To love something so much and lose them is painful.  It just takes a lot of time to move on - but it does change you and everyone that posts here if you notice feels the same way as you do.

I can so totally empathize.  You were lucky to have crossed paths in this life.  That's how I try and think about it sometimes.   He was a gift - the most special gift.

TrudiJaneNeiverth
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Chantelle
Joan.. I am so very truly sorry for the loss of Chester... You are correct.. this is the price we pay... I want to say it was worth it but im having a hard time remembering the good memories...Trudi Jane i am very sorry for your loss :( Just like you I can only remember our last moments together.. He was calm and looked prepared if anything (as he usually paced to get out in the vets.. instead he just lay) I held him to the end and can only hope he knew what he meant to me... but the last image of him lay there when i walked away will haunt me forever.. my boy so still.. so quick... to say i can do it again in the future with another pet would be a lie i believe.. and i know everybody is saying given time my opinion may change but for me there will only be him... i feel as though i have lost my child... my boy...inside i know im telling myself i did what was best for him but how can whats best mean death? I feel like i am going around and round in circles.. and i understand if people get frustrated and annoyed at me when they have to keep repeating the same thing but i just dont understand... i cannot understand... at aged 26 i havent suffered many losses.. Rocks is my first one close to home... My friends call it lucky but now i am just filled with dread... I cant imagine life without my boy and wish and hope that things will get better... I still hear him.. i swear i do... i still look for him... i rescued him from a rescue aged 1, his first year was spent in an abusive home... my fragile boy, perfect in my eyes. Even though i know he'd want me to 1 day rescue another in need the thought of any other paws in my home or any other kisses on my face leaves me empty... and broken :(
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