This is my first pet and his name was Pepper.  Pepper was only 8 years old, too young to leave.  It has been 4 days since I held him and petted him.  I still can't believe he is really gone.  It is so sad to come home after work and not be greeted by him, his meow and how he rolled on the floor every time I came through the door.

Pepper had to have surgery on Thanksgiving day-2012 for a complete intestinal block.  There was a tumor that was blocking him and it turned out to be cancer.  After the surgery he recovered quickly and He had been doing so good, running around and playing and a good appetite!  Things changed so quickly and on Thursday, Feb. 7-2013 he started throwing up again and just wanting to lay around.  I took him to the vet and they kept him overnight for blood-work, xrays and fluid.  Then on Feb. 8-2013 the vet told me that Pepper had anemia, fluid in his stomach and another tumor.  Pepper had lost lots of weight and at the time of passing only weighed 10lbs and this was a cat who used to weigh 21lbs!

Anyway, I miss him so much and I don't know how to make this pain and hurt stop. Whenever I think of him I cry  I come home and see all the places that he would sleep and where he ate. Today the sun was out and my blinds were up and I started to cry because I thought of how Pepper would love to be laying in the sun right now.  What is wrong with me?  :(

Thanks for listening to me.

Quote 0 0
I know it has been a few days, but I want to reply in case you could still use some comfort.. I am sorry if I am reopening the wound by bringing it to your attention, but it broke my heart to see that nobody had responded to you yet.

Nothing at all is wrong with you, the grief is only a result of just how much you loved him. We lost our cat just yesterday for very similar reasons that you lost your sweet Pepper. It was very difficult to see him waste away in the way that he did, it can be so hard to see a dear friend suffer. I am thankful now that he was able to pass on and not have to hurt anymore.

I have had the same reaction to always remembering my cat. I keep going to the place where he chose to pass and remembering laying there with him during his final day. I can't help myself but pet that place, as though he's still there. I am constantly reminded of his absence by little things every day, but what it has given me is a window into how closely connected our lives were. Every time that I expect to see him somewhere or realize he's gone, it makes me think about how often I thought about him and what a wonderful friendship we shared. In a way, his death allowed me a much deeper understanding of just how much love we shared. I feel like he's still here with me, living in my heart and reminding me to look at life through his experience and our experience together.

I hope that with time the pain for you has subsided somewhat. My heart really goes out to you.
Quote 0 0
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have asked myself the same question. Your baby sounds so much like my Baby. I miss the same things about Bear. It's so hard. I missed 3 days of work because I couldn't stop crying and miss the things that you are missing. The past couple days I have gone on the site but not for long. I am sorry I didn't see your post. I am here for you and we are both in so much pain right now because we loved our babies with all our heart and they are so special it's a horrible whole in our heart. Please take comfort knowing weare all here for you and your baby is playing with all of our babies.
Lori brant
Quote 0 0