What beautiful dogs! I'm so sorry for losses. and especially everything that occurred with Hershey. And for your relentless pain, and the sense of guilt you're suffering when you promised that such a thing as you suffered as a youngster would never happen again on your watch. But life took things out of your hands, and suddenly it was nothing you could control.
I understand that your head can assent that that is true, but your heart probably can't stop feeling responsible. This loss seems to have reenacted such a similar heartbreaking loss and guilt tied to your earlier pet's passing, that it's uncanny. I think I can imagine your extraordinary emotional suffering over this. And it sounds like many months later you have little relief. For sure, I wish you every comfort and much, much healing. But the thought foremost in my mind for you, is that you may need some help getting over this. Have you ever heard of "complicated grief?" Sometimes the circumstances of a loved one's passing have tendrils of deep emotions that run in several directions and can become very difficult to recover from. Some losses are literally traumatic and create greater wounds than a more typical loss. Certain counselors/therapists specialize in helping clients process and overcome their grief. It may be well worth seeking one to help you find some relief from the burden of guilt and pain that by now has afflicted you for a long while. I also hope that connecting here will help you feel heard and less alone.
-Missing Marissa deeply