You’ve been loved. Unconditionally, without a shadow of a doubt, earnestly loved. I’ve known that kind of love...and the horror of that loss. It has been 4 years on the 22nd of this month for me being without Loki Lucas. He slept on my shoulder and shared my pillow. He was at my side with that incredibly beautiful face and chunky body with swirls in his fur I’ll never see again. Oh, and his eyes! They were such an incredible shade of blue. He was just a drop dead gorgeous hunk of “kittyhooddom” as I always told him. I was truly loved and so was he and we knew that about each other. We were bonded for life, we had been stamped into each other’s hearts. It was his sister that was sick. She was the one who we knew had so little time left in this world. On April 11th, she passed away. My precious Loki seemed to understand and he acknowledged the loss I felt by being even more attentive. I was sad, but I wasn’t gutted by the loss of Chloe. She had lived a long life and she had been happy and loved. Loki was fine that day and then he was not then next morning. In a panic and scared, I took him to the doctor and my world changed. He had cancer and it was all over him. How could I not have noticed something? He hadn’t lost weight, he hadn’t changed in his demeanor, his fur was still beautiful and glossy. He had a rapidly spreading cancer and there was nothing they could do for him. So, we snuggled and he slept in my arms while I watched him sleep. I prayed that this was a nightmare I was sure to wake up from. 11 days after his sister died, he was gone from my life. I watched his very rapid decline and could do nothing except what he wanted me to do and that was to just lay with him, stroke his beautiful fur and talk to him. I don’t know who was really taking care of who. He was attentive to me, my tears until the moment he left his physical body. You ask when will you be ok? I don’t have an answer for you. I know that today as I write this, I cry, but I’m still breathing. You see, I know he is still here with me. His body is nothing but ashes beside my bed, but his spirit, his essence, his very Soul is with me. No, not all the time anymore, but when my heart yearns for him he comes to me in my dreams. He also brought me Declan to stay by my side and he is such a precious darling boy with blue eyes! I hadn’t intended on having another kitty in my life, but I believe Loki had other ideas. Is it the same? No, of course not, but I adore Declan and he truly adorns me. We have developed a very close relationship. He sleeps on my shoulder like Loki did. Not as often, but there is definitely something special about him and yes, I love him. Deeply. That scares me, but I really believe that Loki brought him into my life to comfort me and he does. When will you be ok? When you have had time to truly grieve in whatever way you need to. Whatever way that looks like for you. One day you will be able to breath again. It doesn’t seem like it now, but you will. Out there in our vast Universe, there is a baby that wants the kind of love you had with your beloved. Somehow you will find one another and you will know that deep soul-mate kind of love again. It won’t be the same because you are living in a new normal now whether it feels like it or not. Your boy is with you every moment and if you can still your mind, you will feel him. You may even see him. It isn’t them that feel the loss, it’s us. They have transitioned into a vibration that allows them to have the love follow them into time that is not linear like it is here. I know your ache and I can’t tell you that everything will be ok, but I can tell you for sure that he is with you and that he will bring you into this new normal in a way that you will find so loving and gentle that you will know it is him leading you. My thoughts of love are with you. My heart aches for you, but for your darling boy, just keep on breathing one breath at a time. He’s got something in store for you and though for me it was Declan, it may not be that for you. When it happens, you will know it was a gift of love from your darling man just for you.