ToniLove
Hi everyone! I found this forum by searching for somewhere to just connect with people who GET IT.

I lost my beloved little tabby cat boy Jasper just two days ago. His and my love affair started 10yrs ago when he was given to me as a lil kitten as my 19th birthday present.

He's been with me from the end of my teens to the start of my crazy college years and all the way through the trying twenties! With every breakup, apt move, and lives trial and triumphs he's been there. But now...he's just gone. And I don't know what to do!

His death... June 12, 2017
The last time I saw him alive was around 4:45am when I had to make an early morning potty visit. He had been quarantined in my bathroom as I was cleaning my carpets from a small flea scare so he could stay safe and flea free.

I played with him and cuddled him as I normally would that morning, said bye and shut the door. He seemed healthy and fine. I didn't enter my bathroom again until around noon that day...I noticed I hadn't heard him meow for me as he normally did when I approached the bathroom. I open the door and found throw up, poop and my little boy stiff!

I stood there calling his name over and over but he didn't move didn't speak at all. Everything was a blur of crying and falling to my knees! Jasper was my first pet ever so I didn't know what to do...I frantically called my roommate and she instructed me to take him to a vet.

As I'm calling the vet I place my hand on him to shake him and still nothing...suddenly he makes a gasping sound and breath movement and I get hopeful! But I quickly remember that after death body movements are normal.

I still hold hope and I scoop him up in a towel and rush him to the vet only to have them tell me my best friend, my little boy is gone.

AFTERMATH:

In saying all this, I know he's in a better place. In heaven or spirt running around and having a great time. I know he loved me and I hope he knew I loved him BUT...I can't help but feel CHEATED!

There was no warning. CHEATED out of a goodbye. No being with him in his final moments. I have these questions torturing me...was he in pain? Was he scared? How long had been dead? Was it my fault? Why didn't I spend more time with him!? Was he wondering where was I when he started to die? I feel like I abandoned him when he had been nothing but loyal and always by my side!

Sorry for the long post but I just been advice and to get this all out.

Any help or kind words would be helpful!

Xoxoo
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Claudia90
Toni,

I am so so sorry to hear about this horrifying story. I am at a loss of words for you. Like you said, some of us had some time to try and cope with the fact that we would end their lives and pain, while as you had no such opportunity. But please don't blame yourself, you couldn't have known what was going on, and the reason you had him locked in the bathroom was because of his well being, trying to get the house rid of fleas. 

I really can't tell you many words of comfort as I've lost my best furry cat friend at the same day, my wound is still fresh and it's almost all I think about right now. But I can't imagine how you must feel. Remember that everyone here is supportive, and honestly, the people here and their kind words did help me a bit trying to cope with this situation. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to let your worries out here, and you can private message me anytime you want, I'll reply as quickly as I can.

Again, I am so sorry about Jasper, he was such a beautiful boy. The only word of comfort that I can give you is that he went fast, and didn't suffer through endless vet visits, IV's stuck in his arm all the time, pills, tests, being away from loved ones. You loved him so much and he knew that, he felt it, and he taught you how to love with all your heart. Jasper is in a better place now. Free of pain, suffering, hunger. I'm sure he and my little Mitsy will hang out together until we see them again.

Much love, stay strong my dear.

The saddest moment is when the one who gave you the best memories,
Becomes a memory.

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ToniLove
Thank you for the understanding and kind words.
His death has rocked me harder than I've ever been but knowing there are people like you in the world who share in the love and sadness of our fur babes helps me feel less alone.

I'm headed into my first day of work since he's been gone and hopefully I keep it together....wish you all the love and healing your heart can take!
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