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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #61 
Thank you, every day is a struggle but we always manage to find a way to get through them, right? We don't really have much of a choice. 

I thought I'd leave this here for you:
cat heart.png


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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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EevaTeddy

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Reply with quote  #62 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MAlcindor
Thank you, every day is a struggle but we always manage to find a way to get through them, right? We don really have much of a choice. 

I thought I'd leave this here for you:
cat heart.png 


Oh thank you so much! That made me cry in a good way. Thank you! That even looks like my Teddy <3  

I've been telling myself lately "face the day." Like "you can do this." Whatever comes today - whatever wave of emotion just face and walk through it.  



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Millie18

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Reply with quote  #63 
EavaTeddy

I'm glad that some of my words brought you comfort. It looks like you and I were dealing with the same crappy disease that stole our babies from us. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I too went back and read up even more about lymphoma, the various symptoms and treatments and their results. I too want to be more aware for my next pup.

I decided not to have xrays done once I knew her aspirate came back the 2nd time positive for lymphoma. Millie was stage 4/5 as well due to the enlarged spleen. I decided not to find out more because I knew it would taint my mind and I would end up focusing on the negative aspects of her disease. In the end there would be nothing anyone could do. Instead, I focused on her quality of life and on our enjoyment and valuable time together. 

Lymphoma is tricky. There might not be any tumors. I don't think Millie had tumors either. Her lymph nodes were just growing larger and larger, to the point that most likely all of the internal ones began to push into and choke her inner organs because of more and more lymphatic fluid being produced in the body.

Luckily it was only that last week where she really began to struggle to get around. Her belly grew huge even in her very last hour I could still see it grow. Sorry for all the graphics. I'm just trying to say that there may not have been tumors, but at stage 5 organs become involved and the lymphatic fluid fills up in areas that are initially not visible to the eye. Cancer is just so insidious.

If I had had 3 different vets look at her they would have suggested 3 different treatments. I was unable to afford chemo and wouldn't have put her through all of the office visits and continued tests. It would have taken precious time away from us, in addition to the stress it would have caused her. Her lymphoma spread so fast I doubt that anything would have helped. Detecting it early is also hit or miss. Everyone just does the best they can, you, me, the vets.

The canine, feline and human bodies are still mysteries. I have lost 4 friends in their 40's to cancer in the last 2 years and they had been doing all the right things, had the best care and still didn't make it. Until we have 100% answers we will always be guessing and have doubts whether we have done the right thing. There's just so much out of our control and it feels crappy to not be able to help our furry friends the way we would want to : (

Sending you strength that you can find some answers that would bring you more peace

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EevaTeddy

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Reply with quote  #64 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Millie18
EavaTeddy

I'm glad that some of my words brought you comfort. It looks like you and I were dealing with the same crappy disease that stole our babies from us. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I too went back and read up even more about lymphoma, the various symptoms and treatments and their results. I too want to be more aware for my next pup.

I decided not to have xrays done once I knew her aspirate came back the 2nd time positive for lymphoma. Millie was stage 4/5 as well due to the enlarged spleen. I decided not to find out more because I knew it would taint my mind and I would end up focusing on the negative aspects of her disease. In the end there would be nothing anyone could do. Instead, I focused on her quality of life and on our enjoyment and valuable time together. 

Lymphoma is tricky. There might not be any tumors. I don't think Millie had tumors either. Her lymph nodes were just growing larger and larger, to the point that most likely all of the internal ones began to push into and choke her inner organs because of more and more lymphatic fluid being produced in the body.

Luckily it was only that last week where she really began to struggle to get around. Her belly grew huge even in her very last hour I could still see it grow. Sorry for all the graphics. I'm just trying to say that there may not have been tumors, but at stage 5 organs become involved and the lymphatic fluid fills up in areas that are initially not visible to the eye. Cancer is just so insidious.

If I had had 3 different vets look at her they would have suggested 3 different treatments. I was unable to afford chemo and wouldn't have put her through all of the office visits and continued tests. It would have taken precious time away from us, in addition to the stress it would have caused her. Her lymphoma spread so fast I doubt that anything would have helped. Detecting it early is also hit or miss. Everyone just does the best they can, you, me, the vets.

The canine, feline and human bodies are still mysteries. I have lost 4 friends in their 40's to cancer in the last 2 years and they had been doing all the right things, had the best care and still didn't make it. Until we have 100% answers we will always be guessing and have doubts whether we have done the right thing. There's just so much out of our control and it feels crappy to not be able to help our furry friends the way we would want to : (

Sending you strength that you can find some answers that would bring you more peace


Thank you. I think you have a healthy perspective. I want to too. I agree totally. It's so frustrating with diseases like this. I wish I had more answers but they are all guesses at this point because Teddy is no longer here. 

Our experiences are very similar. Teddy's liver, not his spleen, was enlarged. The last day or so he had rapid breathing and his lungs filled with fluid. 

He was still curious and present for the most part. That's whats tough. I had some sad moments when I encouraged him to do something he loved and he would start to do it and then he realized he couldn't. Like climbing up and down the stairs playing. He pulled himself into the hallway and just layed there - realizing he couldn't do what he loved to do. It was heart breaking.

Teddy took a turn for the worse with prednisilone steroid. It really made the fluid in lungs and heart problems rapidly get worse. Also it made him a space cadet...when it started wearing off he would be more normal and able to sleep. I tried to get help from my vet about it but it's not something you can stop immediately. He was on it over a holiday weekend and no one could help answer my concerns. Poor Teddy. 

The sadness overwhelms me. I honestly believe he was the light in my life. He genuinely made me so happy it's like the light and joy in this world has been extinguished. I feel empty. I really do.

I am so grateful of course for all my blessings but this has really hurt. And he just brought so much joy and laughter into my daily life - I feel so lost. I can't explain to anyone in my family because they all have their own family and pets. It's hard to explain the rawness that this feels. 

I'll never know truly what caused his decline and I hate it. We only had one pathologist look at his blood work and they said stage v lymphoma. Which I'm guessing that means pretty progressed? 

Thanks for explaining about not necessarily having tumors. I've scoured the internet looking for answers about that and couldn't find any. 

I am so thankful to start therapy soon because the experience has been so traumatic I think I have some major emotional work to do. 

I didn't want to put Teddy through chemo either but now I would have because I read it isn't that bad for cats. They take it pretty easy because it's a pill. Ugh. I had the worst vet. They should have told me that it's different with cats. I was too emotional to really look up many things even though I tried. They had a wealth of knowledge. From the beginning it was just "put him down". 

Sigh. Being uneducated is terrible when it comes to medical decisions. I am now trying to read as many books and articles about pet health and what questions to ask from the vet. I don't want this to happen again.

Thanks for all the peace and understanding you bring me with your responses. I really think you have a great healthy equal perspective. Millie was so lucky to have you. I am truly sorry for your loss of your sweet girl. My heart goes out to you. 



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COOKIES4

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Reply with quote  #65 

I CRY AND CRY READING THIS, LIFE IS NOT FAIR. BUT WE DO OUR BEST. WE ALL ARE,SO LUCKY TO HA E BEEN ALLOWED TO SHARE OUR LIVES WITH OUR DOGS, CATS AND ME. BIRDS.

MY HEART BREAKS FOR ALL THAT HAVE CANCER TO DEAL WITH. WHAT A FRIEND SHARED IS INSECTICIDES, SPRAY BLEACH CHEMICALS SHAMPOOING RUGS , ANT TRAPS FOOD HAS INSECTS AND FILLERS THAT ARE NOT EDIBLE. MY PHARMACIST HAS A DIFFICULT TIME,WITH HIS DOG WHO HAS HAD TUMORS SUGAR ELEVATIONS EYESIGHT PROBLEMS HIGH LIVER ENZYMES . AS DOG FOOD AND SOME CAT FOOD HAVE DEAD DOG ABD OTHER ANIMAL BYPRODUCTS IN IT . CHECK THE INTERNET. HE IS NOW COOKING LOW FAT GROUND BEEF AND CHICKEN AND MIXING IT IN HER SAFE ORGANIC DOG FOOD.

MY SPARKY IS GONE 7 MONTHS NOW THE 28TH OF JULY. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT FOR SURE CAUSED MY PRECIOUS FEATHER BIRDIE BABY TO PASS. HE HAD A PRESSURE SORE ON THE BOTTOM OF HIS FOOT. AND A WEEPY EYE LAST AUGUST 19TH THAT TOOK 5 WEEKS TO GET BETTER. AFTER THAT HE APPEARED TO NOT TO BE ABLE TO SEE OUT OF THAT LEFT EYE.I PUT MOLESKIN ON HIS PERCH SO THAT HE HAD A SIFT CUSHION FOR HIS PRESSURE SORE AND HIS POOR FEET THAT BIRDS ARE ALWAYS ON.SO HARD HE WAS BORN FEBRUARY 14, 1989, AND PASSED DECEMBER 28TH, 2017. I GOT HIM AT 6 WEEKS OLD. I AM ENGULFED IN GRIEF AND BLAME. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN I SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN OUR BEDROOM WE SHARED WITH SPARKY JIM AND ME. THE NIGHT BEFORE HE HAD SOME DARK STOOL COME OUT OF HIM AS WE PLAYED ON MOMMIES BED THAT WAS RARE . HE KNEW. GO POO POOS. AND WOULD LEAVE ME HOLD HIM OVER NEWSPAPER BY OUR BED AND GO.
I WOULD SAY. GO POO POOS. HE WOULD GO.SO SMART

I COULD NOT GET THIS DARKENED STOOL OFF THE SHEET, TINY SPOT, WAS IT BLOOD? HE SLEPT DAYS AND WE WOULD GET HIM UP AT 6PM FOR DINNER, SOFT GOOD BITS OF FOOD AND ON HIS FAVORITE CHAIR STILL HERE WITH PRETTY COLORED CLOTHS. SPARKY COULD NOT BREATHE WHEN I WENT IN THERE LATER THEN NORMAL TEN TO 7PM. HE WAS LEANING AGAINST HIS FAVORITE BELL TOY HE WAS BONDED TO, HIS VOICE ......AND I SCREAMED SPARKY AND HE WAS PANTIB AND GASPING FOR BREATH AND A STRIP OF HARDENED STOOL WAS HANGING OUT OF HIS VENT. I REACHED IN FOR JIM HELD HIM, BEGGED HIM TO BE OK, KISSED HIM AND WE HOT HIS SMALL SPRAY WATER BOTTLE AND SPRAYED HIM AS I WORKED THE PRODUCT LOOSE. STOOL, BLOOD WHO KNOWS, I AM OVERWHELMED I AM STILL SO,SO,SO SAD. TAKING HIM TO A VET WOULD HAVE DEFINITELY NOT. WORKED. KEEPING HIM HERE FOR LOVE AND COMFORT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO AS OTHER'S HAVE DONE.
CHEMO STRESS OF COURSE. AND THE MEDICATION, PREDISONE AND OTHER STEROIDS

SOMEONE MENTIONED DEFINITELY HAD. SPACEY SIDE AFFECTS.

FRIENDS DOG HAS THAT SHE IS SUFFERING NOW BUT HE IS TAKING CARE OF HER AT HOME AND THOUGH BEST TO ONLY TAKE HER TO VET WHEN HE
MUST IT IS THE CHOICE AND DECISION OF ALL THE LOVING MOMMIES HERE WHO ONLY WANT THE BEST
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE


THANKS FOR LISTENING .I NEVER USED EVEN WONDER ONLY VINEGAR AND WATER, NEVER SPRAYED FOR BUGS. NEVER USED ANT CLEANING CHEMICALS, HE WAS WATCHED AND PROTECTED
FOR 28 YEARS TEN AND A HALF MONTHS.
SORRY ABOUT ALL THIS WRITING.
PRAYERS FOR EVERYONE.
PICTURES I WANT TO SHARE
FRIENDSHIP JOAN
SPARKY'S MOMMY

Attached Images
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Millie18

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Reply with quote  #66 
Quote:
Thank you. I think you have a healthy perspective. I want to too. I agree totally. It's so frustrating with diseases like this. I wish I had more answers but they are all guesses at this point because Teddy is no longer here. 


It's only becauase I have no choice. I will never really know what was going on inside of her body and I just have no more energy left to worry about. My baby is gone and I'm just trying to get through the day as best I can

Quote:
Our experiences are very similar. Teddy's liver, not his spleen, was enlarged. The last day or so he had rapid breathing and his lungs filled with fluid. 

He was still curious and present for the most part. That's whats tough. I had some sad moments when I encouraged him to do something he loved and he would start to do it and then he realized he couldn't. Like climbing up and down the stairs playing. He pulled himself into the hallway and just layed there - realizing he couldn't do what he loved to do. It was heart breaking.


YEs, It sounds like they had very similar issues. I understand. Millie went from 45 minute fast walks to barely making it across the street within a few days. It was just shocking. Knowing the end was near I did push her a bit and we went on outings to the beach, to the duck park. I know she struggled, but it also looked like she felt more alive in those moments. Otherwise we would have been home and I would have just waited for her to die. I was driving myself crazy, so I took us out of the house


Quote:
Teddy took a turn for the worse with prednisilone steroid. It really made the fluid in lungs and heart problems rapidly get worse. Also it made him a space cadet...when it started wearing off he would be more normal and able to sleep. I tried to get help from my vet about it but it's not something you can stop immediately. He was on it over a holiday weekend and no one could help answer my concerns. Poor Teddy. 


I understand. That pred is a double edged sword. There are times when I wish I had done nothing but give her supplements, but then we want to try anything if there's a chance. Mill stopped responding after about 3 weeks. I knew because her allergies had stopped and her paws were no longer pink. After 3 weeks they turned pink again. You did what you could and if there is chance that could help, we do it. I know the side effects of pred can be tough.

What do you do, do you stop and take the chance or continue? Those are such tough decisions. In the end, either way the lymphoma was going to take your Teddy regardless, because that's what this cancer does : (

Quote:
The sadness overwhelms me. I honestly believe he was the light in my life. He genuinely made me so happy it's like the light and joy in this world has been extinguished. I feel empty. I really do.

I am so grateful of course for all my blessings but this has really hurt. And he just brought so much joy and laughter into my daily life - I feel so lost. I can't explain to anyone in my family because they all have their own family and pets. It's hard to explain the rawness that this feels. 


Yes, that sadness is overwhelming. I'm so sorry that you have to experience it. It is very raw having your light ripped away from you. It does get better. Keep coming her and release as much of the grief that you can to lighten the burden.

Quote:
I'll never know truly what caused his decline and I hate it. We only had one pathologist look at his blood work and they said stage v lymphoma. Which I'm guessing that means pretty progressed? 

Yes, lymphoma V means that organs are involved. In Teddy's case, his liver. It's considered a final stage.

Thanks for explaining about not necessarily having tumors. I've scoured the internet looking for answers about that and couldn't find any. 

I am so thankful to start therapy soon because the experience has been so traumatic I think I have some major emotional work to do. 

Quote:
I didn't want to put Teddy through chemo either but now I would have because I read it isn't that bad for cats. They take it pretty easy because it's a pill. Ugh. I had the worst vet. They should have told me that it's different with cats. I was too emotional to really look up many things even though I tried. They had a wealth of knowledge. From the beginning it was just "put him down". 

Sigh. Being uneducated is terrible when it comes to medical decisions. I am now trying to read as many books and articles about pet health and what questions to ask from the vet. I don't want this to happen again.


For me with the chemo the problem would have been the continual monitoring with blood tests and vet visits. I know Millie would have been overstressed and her vet told me that she had done it with her own dog and that she wouldn't do it again. Of course it always depends on individual circumstances, but in my case at that late stage, I made the right choice.

Quote:
Thanks for all the peace and understanding you bring me with your responses. I really think you have a great healthy equal perspective. Millie was so lucky to have you. I am truly sorry for your loss of your sweet girl. My heart goes out to you. 


I'm so glad I can help you. I ended up being the lucky one with Mill. My crazy whirlwind of a dog turned into such a good girl. I think she was sick the day she came to me over 3 years ago. Somehow I was chosen to help her transition from this life to the next. I miss her so much, especially her crazy antics of running through the house. Thank you so much for your kinds words. Fortunately, I have a pet grief group meeting tonight to go to. It's only every other week, so I can't wait to get there tonight.

I hope your journey becomes lighter with time. Your sweet Teddy will be watching over you. Have a peaceful day


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Diana

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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #67 
Thinking of you, hoping you're doing ok.
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          Marlen
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https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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EevaTeddy

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Reply with quote  #68 
Hey there! Thanks for checking on me. 

I am doing okay. Still in shock. I wonder if that will ever wear off.

I am accepting now he was sick for whatever reason. And not blaming myself as much.

Trying to feel lucky to have even known him and been his mom.

Of course still dealing with the sadness and grief and longing for him. I watch videos or look at pictures as much as I can and just cry because I can no longer hold him or comfort him and Eeva can't play with him.

I hope you are doing well. I am so grateful to have a connection on here with someone who shares my grief and we can encourage each other.

Thinking of you.

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EevaTeddy

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Reply with quote  #69 

I am struggling today. I really miss his presence and I wonder where he is.

I've had several instances that seem like he may have made contact with me here. Does that sound crazy?

On the day he died - later in the evening out for a walk I felt his presence so strong it almost knocked me down. 

The next day after he died - my mom who loved him very much said he visited her. She was just watching TV and he all of the sudden in her minds eye she saw him hopping around and playing then all of the sudden he sparkled and was gone. She also felt this strong energy of peace and euphoria as I did.

The night after that my boyfriend was staying over with me. I was pretty exhausted and emotionally spent and was kinda out of it. But he and I heard something running back and forth over and over. For some reason it didn't stick out to me - like I had heard it before. I only noticed when he asked me "what is that?" I said in a sleepy daze "oh it's probably my upstairs neighbors cat." Eeva was sleeping in the bed with me at this time. My boyfriend was a little freaked out and spooked. I was too tired to really pay too much attention.

The next day I realized by myself that my neighbor doesn't have animals at all. I thought wow! I wonder if that was Teddy playing like he used to EVERY single night keeping us all awake. lol.

Another time a couple weeks ago. I was taking a nap and I felt this heavy weight hop onto the corner of the bed and stay there for awhile. I had my eyes closed and I thought - that's strange - if thats not Eeva I'm totally gonna freak out. Sure enough I open my eyes to look and Eeva is sound a sleep on the bench in her bed next to the bed. So it wasn't her. It was so strange. It totally felt like Teddy and the bed actually was weighted down. Of course by time I looked back to the spot it was normal again. 

Anyway - this might be so weird and I feel embarrassed sharing these stories. 

I really miss him a lot today. I've been talking to him and crying and telling him I'm so sorry he went so soon. 

I hope everyone is having a good day today - the grief just keeps coming. 



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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #70 
There is nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm sorry you're having such a bad day today. The bad days will still come but hopefully they are fewer as time goes by. All my days seem to be the same. They're ok until I start to think of my babies then I start to tear up. For some reason leaving work today I was overtaken by such a sense of sadness. I wish I was coming home to spend the weekend with my babies. I adopted Randy yesterday and I was looking forward to seeing him but the realization that Max and Bailey will not be there to greet me was like a kick to my gut. What can we do but deal with the pain as it comes and push forward. Cherish the signs your little one sends you, I wish I had some I could share with you, but I don't have any yet. Take care of your little Eava and yourself.
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https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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Ginger4256

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Reply with quote  #71 
Today is hard for me as well. The weekend is the worst time for me because it was me and Boo all weekend just hanging out. It's been 3 months and I miss him more as time goes on.
So I know how you feel and am sympathetic to your pain.
Nothing is the same anymore. I admire anyone adopting and hope I get there. I miss the companionship but I want it to be Boo 😒
We are all in this together, this horrible horrible pain
About 3 weeks after Boo became an angel, I have no doubt that I had a visit. It was pure energy and no matter what anyone says, I know. I know him and I know that only he would have given me that sign.
Crazy? Nope. Embarrassed? Nope.
I KNOW

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Millie18

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Reply with quote  #72 
EevaTeddy - I'm so sorry you're struggling today. I am happy to hear about your visits from your friend. It just means he's trying to let you know that he's ok and that you are open to receiving his messages. Nothing to be embarrassed about at all. I wish I had more of them myself. I've only had 1 or 2 and they were very fleeting. I do feel Millie around me, but more of a sense of her lying in her regular spots, where I just feel her warmth and presence. Nothing really concrete. Sending you peaceful energy for the weekend

Boo's mommy -I'm sorry you're having a hard time as well. I understand regarding the weekends. That's when we got to spend most of our time with them. For me it was Saturday morning nose work classes. She would pester me hours before we had to leave, to get going already. I've been helping out in class just because I would fall apart if I was no longer a part of it. it's bittersweet going there without her, but that was her favorite thing. I think it's fantastic that your Boo came to give you a sign. I dont think it's crazy at all <3

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Diana

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Reply with quote  #73 
EveaTeddy , DEFINITELY POSSIBLE, THERE TO COMFORT YOU. SPARKY SMEEZES, LEAVES SUNFLOWER SEEDS WHERE NO WAY THEY COULD BE AFTER SEVEN MONTHS PASSED, HE IS HELPING ME FIND MISSING ITEMS I HAVE NOT,SEEN IN YEARS. I PRAY THAT I CAN HAVE STRENGTH TO GET BETTER, JIM IS UNWELL TOO SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS AND OTHER, I AM CRIPPLED WITH OSTEOARTHRITIS, FRIENDS JOAN
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EevaTeddy

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Reply with quote  #74 
Dear Teddy,

I miss you so much everyday - today feels just hard. Yesterday when I was walking home I talked to you. I talked about happy memories. I laughed and cried. I thought of all the silly things you would do.  I apologized for your last days and how terrible you felt. How I couldn't figure out how to save you. I apologized for not knowing how sick you must have felt for months. 

Not many people knew you. But you impacted my life completely. Your life here will live inside of me. I am trying to honor your memory the best I can. Six years was so not long enough. The dreams I had for us feel robbed.

I'm sorry for the last couple of years spending so much time traveling and away from you. I was your whole world and I was gone often. 

I miss you Teddy. I wonder where you are. Know that I will do everything I can to remember our time together. Thank you for choosing me. 

I love you with all my heart. Your mommy misses you. 

IMG01645-20120505-1243.jpg 


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Reply with quote  #75 
PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR LOSS, I AM JUST LIKE YOU AND WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT MADE MY SPARKY PASS. MOMMY JOAN FOR SPARKY HE WAS 28 YEARS OLD AND WAS NEVER LEFT ALONE, WE CANNOT GO BACK AND RE WRITE OUR PAST ACTIONS.FORGIVE YOURSELF WHEN YOU CAN, I AM NOT THERE YET. WE WILL GET THERE SLOWLY AND AS LONG AS IT TAKES. I CRY EVER DAY. I HAVE NO EMOTIONAL SUPPORT, DO YOU.
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