godiva
Hi everyone,

On September 1st, I made the heart breaking decision to have my dog, Godiva, euthanized. It was extremely emotional, and I was Very much alone and faced with some tough decisions. I made the very best decisions I could. I decided to stay with Godiva until she passed. Initially I didn't think I'd want to (more accurately I didn't think that I *could* from an emotional aspect.)

The vet was very gentle and explained everything I should expect. The process pretty much went according to plan and for the most part was peaceful, I was an emotional wreck and I wish I could have held myself together a bit more to help Godiva's transition.

I'll be getting her ashes back next week. The urn that I had chosen, a Lacewood
box, had to be special ordered, and it's taking a bit longer especially with the holiday thrown in.

Sometimes I get nervous and scared about having the ashes in my house. They'll be on my dresser near three angel figurines which represent my 3 angels (human babies) that I lost over the years to miscarriages. And Godiva's urn will also be near the picture of my dad, who passed in a May. It's been an emotional year so far. Some other stuff too that is not relevant here.

So back to my original question: "What am I afraid of?" Am I afraid that I'll feel Godiva's presence by having her remains so close? Am I afraid that the crematorium will get the ID tags mixed up: switched at death. Omg can't even imagine.

Has anyone else felt apprehensive or fear about having their pets' remains in their house? I don't understand why I am. ??
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Fishnmusicn
I don't know the answer to your question but I can understand what you are going through with all the loss you've experienced. It's easy when grieving to go through all kinds of thoughts and feelings that may or may not have relevance, but my opinion is to trust in what you've done as the right thing to do, your heart has told you what to do, and I think that the memorials you have created for the ones you have lost have special meaning, and in time your fear will pass - and you'll be glad you have her with you. I feel for your loss.

Fishnmusicn
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hasamantha
I was really anxious to get Happy's ashes back. Sitting wonder why they are not ready. It's been almost a week. I got really worried that the crematory forgot about him or somehow mixed him up with another dog? When they finally called DH didn't want to bring his ashes into the house. He reasoning was what if his ashes got mixed up. So he kept them in the car. I respect that as we have planned to bury his ashes under a tree at the neighborhood park we visit often anyway.

My point is you are not alone in your fears. It's that awful feeling in our gut making us so anxious and uneasy about this whole process of death and the afterwards.

WheresMyBuBu

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Fishnmusicn
Thank you Becky so much for your reply and as I said before I think you will come to peace with the decision you have made. My Molly's pictures are on the wall on a different wall than my two other cats which I lost quite a few years ago, and it's very hard to see her as just a picture on the wall when just a few weeks back, she seemed happy and healthy before this all happened. I stay busy and when I come home and see her on the wall it breaks me up all over again, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Blessings to you in this time.

Chuck
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godiva
hasamantha,
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I think that's very sweet for you to take your Happy's ashes to the park where you played with him.

You know, the more I think about the length of time it takes to have the ashes returned (in general) is that they most likely have a very busy schedule. I'm just blown away by the new posts here at the forum each day. There are a lot of fur angels at the Rainbow Bridge.

Take care,
~Becky
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godiva
From your post:
" it's very hard to see her as just a picture on the wall when just a few weeks back, she seemed happy and healthy before this all happened."

It's surreal, isn't it? I'm still finding Godiva's hair and whereas before I would get annoyed (so hairy! Lol) now I find myself carefully placing each one in a little velvet-lined box.

I'm going through waves of grief with nighttime being the worst. That's probably pretty common.

Take care,
~Becky
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Fishnmusicn
Yes it is surreal and I'm still in disbelief sometimes and may see a movement on the floor or a shadow and my bittersweet memory comes back and so does the grief. Grieving is such a natural but painful process to go through and hard to understand, but it is so necessary to get through to the other side. I know there is another side because I got through it before, but knowledge and logic have no place now while we process our precious loss. You take care as well.

Chuck
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cakes488
Yes I remember feeling apprehensive 20 years ago when my first pet dog Murphy died.  

Since then I've had additions to the ashes shelf and now I am happy to get the ashes back.  I want them back...they belong here with me.

When I die I will get cremated and all of us will co-mingle and be spread on a few different areas that were important to us.  
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godiva
Hi cakes,

Thank you for your reply. I think your idea of being with your babies for eternity is a beautiful tribute to them. I'm sure they miss you and will be happy to see you again.

Take care,
~ Becky
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cakes488
I miss them all so much and for different reasons....it's not easy when something you love dies.  
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Rockywasloved
Godiva, I know it's unsettling at first to receive the ashes and bring them home. You're bringing them home in a different form. but it does becomes a comfort to have them where you are. I want all my beloved dogs who have passed to be buried with me when I go.
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godiva
Thank you for your encouraging reply, Rockywasloved.  I'd imagine any day now Godiva will be back home with me.  It's hard to believe it's been two weeks.

Hugs,
~ Becky
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