Since Maxs passing I’ve had no appointments, rushing to this is one today I instinctively went to grab for his harness & sweater. They hang on the hooks still next to our coats. I can’t bear to take them down. I never went anywhere without Max. Every errand or trip he always came, taking him is a reflex. It’s a reflex my brain and body still has. The heartache that sank in that my son would never be in the passenger seat next to me Is incomprehensible. I would bring his harness and sweater to the couch and he would jump up to get dressed. If he was sleeping just the jingle of the harness would wake him from under his mound of blankets in search of the sound. The excitement on his face everyday brought me so much happiness. That I could bring such joy to him.
I drove past his park and the devastation that we would never again walk there sank in all over again. Maybe even more proudly now than ever. I really would do anything, give anything to have my baby back.