Well, here I am three months later, being a member of a forum I never wanted to join.... but always knew I would be a member. I would not wish what I have experienced emotionally over the last three months on anyone. This much emotional distress cannot be healthy... yet I know it is an essential part of the healing process. I too have had so many of the same experiences as on robertiarobertian1959's post that I could have just copied it as my own. Lady's ashes are constantly by my side, I talk to her all the time, the tears flow at least every other day, those gut wrenching reminders letting us know they are no longer. On Monday, I was running late and happened to see a lady walking her Basset ( first one I have seen in three months) I drove to the other side of the street, parked and watched them for several minutes. I just sat there and cried; overcome with memories and sadness. I so desperately wanted to go over and tell her to cherish the time they have together... but felt foolish in doing so.
Guilt adds to the burden. Guilty that I am still here and she isn't. Guilt for all the times Lady wanted love.. but I was too busy. The worst is that I was an active participant in the demise of what I loved most. The question, " did I do the right thing " haunts us all.
I often wonder what my little " Fur Angel" is doing right now. I so desperately want to believe in this Rainbow Bridge. When my time comes, I will look forward to the time of taking our cigar walks with my group of long lost friends... with Lady leading the pack. Living on a farm, I am surrounded by animals. But I must admit.. this little Basset ...with a mind of her own..... touched me in a way as no other. I miss her so much. I love you Lady.
ps.... I still have not washed the nose prints off the front door.