Yesterday my husband and I picked up Siffie's ashed from the hospital. I've never received a pet's ashes before... when my childhood cat died, my mother didn't allow me to be there to say goodbye to him. I did get to see his body before we buried him though. But maybe back then they didn't really do the grief/loss package with paw prints and all that? I don't know. In any case, this is the first time I got a little cedar urn with her ashes, and a paw print and some fur clippings.

The bag is so small... it's so strange. I can still see her in my mind's eye being carried into the hospital by the vet tech. She went in whole and she only came back out as ashes in a little chest.

I just wish she could have had her last day at home, with us, comfortable. We didn't know it would end so we couldn't plan for it, it was all so sudden. But still I wish she could have been with us in a familiar place, in her favorite bed, surrounded by her favorite things.

When we got the call from the doctor that she didn't have much time left and we would have to say goodbye to her, we had to wear gloves and face masks because of the pandemic. I'm really grateful to have even been able to be with her, but my heart breaks that I couldn't feel her fur with my hands and kiss her little face one last time. I just hope she wasn't scared at the end. She was struggling to breathe and she couldn't stand. I can't believe how fast she had deteriorated. But when the doctor brought her in the room, she mustered up one little happy tail wag. I think about that sometimes. I hope it meant that she was comforted to see us.
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I've never had ashes before, either. When Monroe's sister, Jillian, passed five years ago we buried her in our back yard. It made me so sad that she was out there because she had always been an indoor kitty; I would talk to her through the window and wish I could be out by her. Now we have moved and it breaks my heart that she isn't with us at our new home, so I knew that I would have Monroe cremated, but I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. I've moved her little box around here or there, but get so sad that that's all I have left of my girl. I miss her so much and can't believe it's been almost a month already.

It's so hard to not have control over how our beloved pets go. I know that they want us to be happy, though. No more pain for our babies. (((Hugs)))
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I’m sorry for your loss. I remember picking up Auggi’s ashes it was hard. We got an Angel candleholder and put it on top of his urn. It was lit all the time for several months, even after we got our new puppies. It helped me a lot. Right now his urn is on our piano. He was my first true pet, and my baby. I have no idea what we will do with it in the future, but right now I still need it there and that’s okay. Do what feels right for you. If you need to hide them to get past the pain, Siffie will understand. 
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Sorry for your loss and I feel your pain - I never would have thought when I rushed my baby to his vet that he wouldn't be coming home back with me - my home is so empty without him and he would be so happy that mommie has been home since March under lockdown - I miss my baby so much - I too never had ashes, but I knew picking up my baby's ashes I was bringing him back home - I attached a picture of how I set up his ash box, I bought a figurine to sit on top, not knowing it was going to be so big, but I set it up there anyway - my baby passed January 6th and I created a shrine for him in my house and will probable never remove it.. Missing my baby Duece and am praying for you - see pictures attached of his shrine.
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The awful vet we saw probably thought I was an even more terrible person because I did not arrange for ashes or a pawprint for Banjo.

Fact is that it would absolutely crush me on a daily basis to have either. I frame pictures of my babies and put their collars and favourite toy with the picture. That is all, emotionally, I can handle.

My sister is totally opposite. She has all her babies ashes in urns that she speaks to every day. 

It is really a personal choice, so there is no wrong way.

Hang in there
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