Cory
Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum but I feel it's the only place where I can vent and people will truly understand.

On October 29, 2019 at home in our loving arms we put to sleep our beloved dog Logan at the age of 15 1/2.  He meant everything to us, he was our best friend and part of our family.  He was such an amazing dog.

The house feels so quiet and empty,  I keep looking for him but he's not there.  I'm crying all the time, I can't function and sleeping has become an issue.  It seems I can fall asleep but if I wake up well then it's game over.  No way I can fall back asleep.

I can't bring myself to remove his bed or bowls, I kept them exactly as they were, it seems to give me comfort.  Every time I walk up to his empty bed or his urn my heart breaks.    


It feels I will never get over this, my heart is breaking...




Logan:  April 2004 - October 29, 2019
 Logan2.jpg
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Becky1990
Dear Cory,
I am so sorry for your loss of Logan. What a handsome boy he is! We do understand the pain that you are feeling. They are our babies and an important part of the family.
I loss my baby 2 months ago at the age of 19 years old. I still cry. Take however long you need to grieve. There are many people here to support you so write as often as you need to. This site has helped me tremendously. The pain will get easier I promise. It's just a difficult process we have to go through. But you are not alone.
I still have not touched some of the things my baby loved. I have not washed his favorite blanket, kept his favorite toys. I can look at the video I made of him but not the recording of his meow. Still too painful. One day though because we know our babies want us to be happy.And I can tell by your words that you loved him dearly. At 15 years, goes to show the love and dedication you had for him. Please keeping writing, we truly care and you are not alone. My deepest condolences. Becky
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Pennienewman
Dear Cory
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your lovely boy, Logan. If there is one thing I have learnt about grief, it is that there are no right or wrong ways to grieve. Those initial days are excruciating. When my pony first died, last year, I honestly felt I had died too. It felt as if my soul had left my body.
Take things one day at a time, one hour at a time or one second at a time and just do what you feel you need to do. I found that forums and groups that had people who felt like I did were almost life saving.
It would be lovely to hear more about Logan.
Meanwhile, sending you hugs.
Pennie
Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation
Author Unknown  - adapted from Kahil Gilbran

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BorderCollieLover
Cory:

  My condolences on the loss of your beloved Logan. Beautiful looking specimen. Becky has already said what I was thinking. This Forum is a great place to vent and express your feelings. Don't hold back. Just let it flow. I lost my dog (18 years old) 7 weeks ago and it still hurts bad. I grieve over my little girl (Shelby) every day. Yeah, I'm functioning but I still have sudden impulses to fly into a rage when people ask me ridiculous questions like "Are You Going to Get another Dog?" I know that they're just trying to be helpful and thinking of our best interests but it still wears thin on my nerves. There's book called "It's OK Not TO Be OK by Megan Devlin. It was recommended to me by another pet lover. Unfortunately when I read the reviews on Amazon.Com, several reviewers pointed out that the author kind of marginalizes the loss of Pets. When I read that, I knew I couldn't read it. The title, however, is spot-on. It really is true: It's OK Not To Be OK. Take your time to grieve all you want. Crying recommended. Buy a punching bag and beat the crap out of it. Enable your support network and talk to lots of other pet loving people. Some people find comfort in working with a grief counselor. In other words, do whatever you need to do to heal (at your own pace). Everyone in this Forum has had a major life change and needs to heal. You will too - one day at a time. I wish you the best. 

Jim
Jim Miller
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Cory
Thank you SO much for your comforting words, they mean the world to me.  And sending my sympathies to all of you on the loss of your precious babies.

Pennie, you wanted to know more about Logan.  Here goes;

Logan came into our lives at 3 months old and it was love at first sight!  He was the cutest thing I had ever seen in my life. All puppies are hyper but I called him Psycho dog because he had so much energy it was out of this world.  With positive training and obedience training he became an outstanding adult dog.  He had a gentle soul, he was kind, friendly and so loving.  He did not have one mean bone in his body and he had the sweetest face.  It never failed, every time we were out we always got stopped by people asking if they could pet him and boy did he love the attention.  Kids always flocked to him as well, he was so good with them.

Logan was also VERY agile and fast.  When he would play fetch at the park with my husband, we would have a crowd of people watching saying "boy that dog is fast".   He was an exemplary dog very much loved, wanted and cherished.   I LOVE you Logan...I miss you terribly...


551536_911547708875936_1670854120244541675111_n.jpg  10423962_911547878875919_25320242280655285041111_n.jpg  11034224_911547792209261_3902191279723488322111111_n.jpg
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Pennienewman

Ah Cory

i can see the speed! I love the one in the snow. What a gentle face....How blessed we are when such beautiful and gentle souls come into our lives but oh the emptiness when they are not here. I have tried to fill my days with happiness alongside the sadness since my pony died. I am so lucky that I have a loving family, have made such good friends on forums and have my beautiful little dogs that I love so dearly. 

I’ve found writing about my pony helps so much and brings back happy memories, albeit painful at times.

hugs to you.
Pennie x

Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation
Author Unknown  - adapted from Kahil Gilbran

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Cory
I thought I was doing OK, moving forward ever so slightly until last night when I had a panic attack.  It was like someone punched me in the stomach and I could not breath. 

I miss Logan so very much, can't believe he's not with me anymore. Tomorrow will be one week since he passed. 

Feeling so so sad....
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BorderCollieLover
Cory:

  Your loss is still so very fresh. The anxiety that you feel is normal. As you navigate your healing journey you will experience the full spectrum of emotions. They may come rapidly when a memory triggers a reaction and then dissipate just as quickly when you acknowledge that memory. Looking at your middle picture (Logan has the ball in his mouth) makes me think of my beloved Shelby playing frisbee in our back yard. Logan was so fortunate to have had such a caring, compassionate owner like you. Your relationship was on another level. I hope that you will find some comfort in this Forum.  Personally, it's been a big help to me. I wish you the best. Please post often. 

Jim
Jim Miller
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Pennienewman
Hi Cory
You’re feelings will still be terribly raw, it is so early. Sadly, for those of us who totally love our animals, this is what it can be like, as Jim says, it is normal, but it will get less raw over time. I believe you do have to allow yourself to feel all the emotions in order to heal. I found many things along the way, over the past year that helped me to understand my grief, in particular, the waves of grief and the button in the box. They are on the link below if it helps at all. As Jim says, the forum can be very comforting. I haven’t been in this one for long but am also members of others which have helped me so much.
Hugs
Pennie x

https://beautifulmo.simdif.com/grief-and-my-journey.html
Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation
Author Unknown  - adapted from Kahil Gilbran

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AP44
What a handsome boy. I’m so sorry for your loss. I also am relatively new to this forum and it’s helped me so much. I lost my two tabbies a few weeks ago unexpectantly and I literally wanted to curl up in a ball. Signs of them were everywhere, but the house felt so empty. Things are starting to get better, but my husband and I feel like a piece of our family is missing.

Logan would want you to remember the happy times I’m sure, but this is so raw for you right now. It will be rough, but you’ll pull through it and start to take joy from the life you shared.

Like many here will tell you, your grief is your own personal path and you will need to do what feels right for you. That could be keeping his possessions close, remembering his silly antics, writing on this forum or just letting yourself feel whatever emotions you are feeling.

You’ll come through this.

Thanks.

Andrea
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Cory
Thank you so much for your lovely words.  Coming from people who are experiencing the same feelings as me gives me comfort because I know you truly get it.

Yesterday I was home alone for the first time, kids went to school and my husband went to work (I'm off on Mondays). It was so brutal not having him beside me because we were always together.  He was my laundry buddy and not to mention my cooking buddy.  He loved watching me cook because there was always a possibility I would drop something. 

Today is exactly one week my Logan passed, he passed at 1:50 in the afternoon. It will be a really tough day for me.
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Cory
I also want to say thank you to everyone for sharing stories of their precious babies.  It makes me happy hearing how much they were loved and how they all had different personalities...
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Pennienewman
Anniversaries are hard. The first week, month, years, birthdays etc, they are all hard. I have found distraction has worked best for me. Something that makes it hard to focus on the negatives. I like to garden, make cards, read, write....things like that. In the early days though, I used these distractions as a way of also processing Mojo’s death, on a personal level, I feel it’s necessary to do that for healing to ever begin. So I made a memorial garden, wrote about Mo, read about grief, made a card for her, made things from her tail and mane. Stuff like that. It allowed for some distraction whilst also allowing me to process the grief and remember her life. It’s such early days for you. I hope writing on here helps. I also found that replying to others who had lost their beloved animal babies helped to give me comfort, even in the early days.
Xx and hugs
Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation
Author Unknown  - adapted from Kahil Gilbran

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Cory
Hi Pennie,

Thanks for your post.  Yes, anniversaries are SO HARD and all the first's as well.  I too have been trying to distract myself like going to the gym on my days off and talking to my friends, they are all very nice and supportive.

For the holidays I decorated his urn and put his reindeer ears next to his picture.  His bed is still at the same place and I have yet to wash it. 

I'm taking baby steps.  Thanks so much for your support and advice.

Cory
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