gkacich
Yesterday at 6:00 pm, I took our 10-year old Yorkie, Albert, outside to potty. Albert was a very big personality - very feisty (aka spoiled), loving, active, agile - really still acted like a puppy. He was in excellent health.

Albert ran around to the side of the house and started barking. Nothing new for him. When he returned, he was walking slowly, with something hanging off his tummy. As best we can figure, Albert was slashed by an opossum's claw. His tummy was lacerated from sternum to pelvis. He was eviscerated. Yes, his stomach, intestines and liver were exposed.

I wrapped him in a towel, put him in his car seat in the back seat, and raced to the ER. During the 8 minute-drive, Albert, in excrutiating pain, jumped out of his car seat onto my lap, as he's done a zillion times. Can you imagine what effort that took? He knew where he'd be safe.

At the ER, they stabilized Albert and prepared him so I could take him to a large university vet center nearly 80 miles away. Albert had gone into shock. He was SO distressed. I made the very difficult decision not to put him through the painful drive, exploratory and reparative surgeries, certain peritonitis and muscle grafts. We let him go.

I'm in shock. This little guy was our "baby." He went everywhere with me. We spent every minute together, day and night. Now when I look around the house, I see him everywhere.

I have this deep ache in the pit of my stomach and I'm riddled with guilt. Why did I let him run to the side of the house? Why did I let him get away with being so fearless? Why did we buy this house that backs up to the woods? Why didn't we take him to the university and try to save him?

So, I'm wondering....will the aching ever stop? It's been just 24 hours and I'm a basket case.

I'm 55 and this was my first pet. Can you help me?

Gail




Quote 0 0
Sheri_H
OH GAIL.. I am SOOOO SORRY for your loss!!! Our Rico was our first pet also.. Keep coming here, let yourself grieve & as I was encouraging someone else tonight on another post, read the different posts here. You'll see those who also went thru a tragic loss of their furbabies. Questions, aching, loss of sleep, crying till it seems like your eyes are gonna fall out of your head (at least I felt that way many times) - all part of it and you are NOT alone. I see our Rico everywhere at home, too. I had nightmares about him, took nothing for me to cry, especially when I was at home. Work surprisingly was a relief in that it was enough of a distraction for me, until I'd get home..
Many have told me after I first posted, how it does get easier - sure doesn't feel that way in the beginning - and hon - no matter our age - its NEVER easy losing your baby. My husband & I never had human children - so Rico was truly our baby. Losing him has felt like losing a part of ourselves.. I never dreamed I'd feel what I felt when we had him put to sleep. I had NO idea how much it would hurt.. we know..
My thoughts & prayers are with you.. we are here with you in this time..
again, I am soo, soo sorry for this painful loss.

Sheri
---------------------
Please visit Rico's residency:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/RICO002/Resident.htm
Also, more pics of Rico can be found on my Facebook page:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?id=1291163525&aid=2023119#!/photos.php?id=1291163525
Quote 0 0
rneuner64
Gail:

I am so sorry for your loss, and for it to happen so suddenly is not fair at all. We went thru the much the same thing with one of our cats almost two years ago and had to have him put to sleep. Our other cat tig died at home just this past friday and although we were prepared this time it made it no easier to accept and i find myself alternating between crying and anger at myself for letting him down (i was daddy and i was supposed to protect him).

Yesterday on my way home from work i passed by the Petsmart hospital where we took him on saturday morning and while i sat at the light josh Grobans "You Raise me up" came on the radio. I can tell you that i pretty much lost it at that time and am glad i had sunglasses on so that nobody could see me crying like a little baby. this morning i put away all of his stuff (litterbox, bowls, food & treats etc) and was hurting again...

They say the guilt and pain will pass but you will be reminded of him from time to time and eventually you will smile. Are you burying him or having him cremated??.

Quote 0 0
gkacich
We left Albert at the hospital. I just didn't want to remember him that way - so mutilated and in pain. We didn't have him cremated.

It's such weird timing. We're moving from Illinois to Texas in two months -- my husband just got a new job. We were looking for the drive cross-country with Albert, and were buying a new house "just for him."

We just weren't prepared for any of the decisions we had to make. Ultimately, we know we have so many reminders of Albert around this house. His collar and tags are still in my purse.

Gail
Quote 0 0
rneuner64

maybe you should check out the candlelight vigil that they have every monday night or sign up alberts name for prayers if you are not up to it emotionally...i know i plan on being there tonight for my tig and his brothers nickle & spike

Quote 0 0
AmandaW01
Oh bless you, how absolutely awful, poor Albert!  What you're going through is so common to all of us, so many questions, so much pain, so much loss, it is terrible.  The guilt is so hard to bear, and people will say this to you, and you won't take it in for a while yet, but NONE of this is your fault. It sounds as though he had a perfect home, just wonderful, he was brought up to be brave, and strong, and inquisitive and to know how incredibly loved he was, and still is, and what more can you do for a lovely little fur baby than that?   Far better to have 10 wonderful, fun filled years with a family who adores him and lets him be a proper little pooch, than 20 years of being tolerated, closetted, afraid of his shadow and having no real life.  At the end you saved him much more pain that most likely wouldn't have saved his life, separation from his mum and dad, and interventions that would have hurt him, not to mention a long and painful journey, you let him go to the bridge where he isn't hurt anymore, is now having a great time and waiting for you to join him again.  You gave him the best life, and made his crossing the most gentle possible - he know he was loved and there are many many fur babies in this world who never get to know that so Albert was one lucky little chap.

Take the time you need, cry, rant, let it out. It hurts, it hurts so bad. Its 2.5 weeks now since my darling boy crossed in an accident and I still hurt horribly when I think of him. I didn't think it was possible to cry so much and so hard but being here has helped me no end to understand that its ok to feel like that, its ok to love a fur baby so much, and that in time we'll be left with not the pain, but wonderful smiles, and eventually we'll hold them again and never have to go through is ever again.

Take care, thinking of you xxxxxx 
Quote 0 0
gkacich
I'm sending love and comfort back to you. Your note, as all the comments on this thread, has been incredibly comforting. Know that we are all grieving together, giving each other strength.

Gail
Quote 0 0
Mac
Joining in thoughts and prayers for you.  Know that you did nothing wrong, and that your Albert knew he was loved, and loved you in return.  You did a brave thing to seek out help, but to also know when to not let him suffer more.

We've been there as well, and are still dealing with our grief and pain, but can at least talk about our many wonderful memories as well.

Listen to your heart, do what feels right for you, and give yourself time...
Quote 0 0