ChloeC
Since I lost my baby in December, I have been hit with a few strong waves of grief. It seems to be a pattern of waxing and waning. Some days I don't feel so bad, then I suddenly feel miserable. The pain grows in intensity, then ebbs. However, now that I am back in school it has been even worse. The smallest bit of stress and I am in tears over her. Today has been an especially bad day. I'm feeling the shock of her actually being gone all over again, and it feels much stronger. I just feel hopeless... It's overwhelming and I cant put it out of my mind. I'm amazed I made it through school today without breaking down... I can't really talk to my family about it, and the one friend I talk to only tells me that he doesn't know what to say. I was wondering if there were any ways to help cope with this. My classes are really hard this year, and all the stress added to this is just unbearable...
IMG_0592.JPG  Miss you Blueberry...
RIP Blueberry and Choo Choo. You guys were the best friends I could ask for, and I'm glad I got to grow up with you two.
Quote 0 0
indcolts18288
So sorry for your loss and completely understand these waves of grief. They hit you like I ton of bricks and the good never lasts long enough. I hope you find peace, and things get better for you. You'll be in my prayers as will your little baby.
Quote 0 0
jaschutz
Unfortunately for us, after grieving for a certain period of time our friends and family run out of encouraging words to say. That's what I found. My friends and family offered supportive words of advice right after I lost my dog but after a couple of weeks, they didn't know what to say and even started to get frustrated with me because I was still such a mess. I think it's hard for them to understand what we're going through because they are not in our shoes. As far as the waves of grief, it is completely normal. We all have our "good" days and then the next day is terrible. Grief is so hard to predict and all you can really do is to expect the unexpected. It's a process. Unfortunately, there is no formula for dealing with losing our friends. You just have to focus on making it through the day as best you can and try to take things day by day. I hope you are able to find some comfort and peace during this difficult time. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Jamie

You can visit London's memorial at:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/LONDO001/Resident.htm
Quote 0 0
loft2111
Sorry for your loss, Blueberry is adorable.  I started a thread after my Little Man passed in October regarding stages of grief, if you can find it there are some good responses  you can read.  What you are feeling is grief, it comes and goes in intensity but a steady day to day being, especially in the earlier months of dealing with your loss.  The loss of my LM left me numb, shattered, broken, there are not enough words to describe the pain and intensity of the pain.  I literally dropped to my knees from the pain and yelled and cried, it was awful.  It sickened me physically and mentally.  Here I am a bit over four months and although the intensity has eased, I still grieve, I still cry weekly, sometimes everyday.  There is no time limit on grief and no making sense of its stages. 
take care of yourself as Blueberry would not want to see you so sad.
Quote 0 0
Beesmom123
ChloeC
I am so very loss for the loss of your Blueberry ,she is an absolute stunner! It obvious you had an incredible bond with her
I just read your earlier post and your comments about her fur, it reminds me of my Byron, who I lost on October 28th
He had the most wondrous fur too, I would describe it as plush, every time we would visit the vet they would comment on how soft he was.
He also was my sidekick and would follow me around and just appear out of nowhere, jump up on my desk while I was working, on the chair in the bathroom while I was getting ready, everywhere. When one spends so much time with them and have a routine , the severing of that connection can be extremely traumatic. Everything has a connection to them , the places they use to hang out, their toys, the windows they used to enjoy looking out at the birds, those first few weeks for me were so incredibly painful due to these reminders. It was like he was everywhere and yet nowhere...

it is still early days for you and what you are going through is perfectly normal, give yourself time to absorb what has happened. Everyone experiences it a bit differently but it can take some time to get to a place of peace with your loss
It has been overs 3 months for me and I still get hit by waves of pain and disbelief that he is actually gone.
Sometimes the feelings starting creeping up on me as the day progresses and I begin to tire.
Please feel free to continue to reach out ,people here understand what you are going through. And I'd love to hear more stories about your darling girl.


Wishing you comfort and peace,
Diana
Bee- "Good night sweet prince & flights of angels see thee to thy rest"
Quote 0 0
Dalidog
So sorry for the loss of your Blueberry.  What a beautiful picture!  Don't let anyone tell you to move on or it was just a pet or anything like that.  Take your time.  I found that reading about the pet afterlife helped me, along with posting, writing the story of my girl, releasing balloons, singing to her, and sleeping with her picture (which I still do 4 months later).  I honor her in all the ways I can find and keep her close to me.  I wear a necklace all the time with a heart with "Dali" engraved on it and a little Lhasa Apso charm.  Today I ordered a charm to put on my necklace with the other two.  Can't wait to get it.  I uploaded my favorite picture of her and it is being put on the charm.  Still, though, the grief flows.  There is no manual for grief.  We loved them and it is devastating.  I was in a store today and the song they played made me break down and I had to leave.  Something about "telling you goodbye".  I immediately had waves of grief over my Dali and the tears flowed.  It has been over 4 months and I still feel I am in a fog.  Take care of yourself for your baby and know that you will see them again.  Hugs to you and Blueberry from me and my Dali

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

Quote 0 0
ChloeC
I want to thank you all so much for your kind words. It has been really rough. This site is seriously the only place people seem to actually care... My family was quiet the day I lost Blueberry, then the next day it was like nothing had happened... Nobody talked about it. I had her for pretty much half of my life and they all acted like she never existed... Recently though, I expressed to my mother that I was still feeling miserable and she asked if I wanted to get another grey cat and name them boysenberry, which just makes me sick to think about... She always says the worst things...
Blueberry wasn't very popular here... She hated other animals and would constantly fight with our dogs and other cat, but she was the sweetest thing to people... She was also very talkative and loud, which I loved, but everyone else hated... Its just that all I ever heard from my family was how annoying or mean she was, which hurt me then too...
loft2111 the responses were helpful. And I was a mess too... I cant even really remember much from the first couple weeks...
Beesmom123, Byron is very cute. I can tell that you were very close to him. I know what you mean about everything having a connection to them... Whenever I hear something fall down in another room, or any sort of scratching sound my brain automatically tells me its just Blueberry causing trouble....

I'm sorry for the late, and somewhat lazy, reply... I felt really bad every time I tried to write...

RIP Blueberry and Choo Choo. You guys were the best friends I could ask for, and I'm glad I got to grow up with you two.
Quote 0 0
Beesmom123
ChloeC
Please no need to apologize about posting
It can take a lot of emotional energy to put our thoughts and feelings about what
we are ,going through into words

What you say about hearing something and automatically responding , thinking what is he up to now! It is so true
I am still so tuned into my boy, find myself still stepping around where he'd normally hang out so not to' step on him' Careful to not to leave door open( strictly indoor cats) , things like that
And it's weird my other cat has started in with some of Byrons old antics, things he's never done before

Maybe he's trying to fill in for him or comfort me in some way, not sure , but I know animals have all the emotions we do , just maybe from a different perspective , experience etc
They can't live with and interact with a buddy for 15 years , have him disapear and not be affected in some way

Anyway sorry for the ramble its been a long tiring day with work
feel free to tell us more about Blueberry when you're up to it
It's great to hear stories about folks babies , the happy memories , we all can get stuck in the sadness and the end days

Take care
Diana
Bee- "Good night sweet prince & flights of angels see thee to thy rest"
Quote 0 0
jonancy
Love the name Blueberry, he is so cute. Sorry for your loss. Mine has been gone six days and so far everyone seems to understand. Of course, I hardly talked to anyone in this time either. I want to get off this roller coaster of grief, not to forget but the pain is so bad. I too have a problem writing and replying, but everyone is understanding.

Take care and again I am so sorry for your loss

Jonancy - Scooters mama
Quote 0 0
kburnosky
Chloe we all understand the pain you are experiencing. Ginny left 5 days ago and I'm still in shock and disbelief. It's almost still too hard to write about it. Blueberry was very adorable. So sorry for your loss.
Quote 0 0
ChloeC
Beesmom123, I have heard of pets behaving like other pets, and even people. I don't know why they do it, but it does sound comforting. Also, I think its really nice to write/read about happy pet memories... I was thinking about starting a thread for people to share happy stories, but I was kind of nervous about doing it...
jonancy, Thank you, and I am sorry for your loss as well. It's the worst when its so unexpected... I understand the fine one day gone another thing. You barely get the chance to grasp whats going on... Scooter was very cute.
kburnosky, Thank you. Ginny was also very cute. I am sorry for your loss as well.
Jonancy and kburnosky, that early on is the absolute worst. I was a total mess (and It didn't help that I lost her less than a week before Christmas). It still hurts a lot now, but it does become easier to to focus on the happy memories. Just try to keep the happy times in mind.
RIP Blueberry and Choo Choo. You guys were the best friends I could ask for, and I'm glad I got to grow up with you two.
Quote 0 0
ChloeC

I'm so stressed out with school right now. All I can think about is how this would be nothing if I still had Blueberry... The stress is making me feel worse about everything, and that makes it hard get work done, which puts me further behind with my class work, which causes even more stress... I miss having her on my lap when I pull all-nighters, and craning my neck to see over her when she would sit in front of the computer screen… Sometimes she made it difficult to work, but it would cheer me up... I don’t know how to handle the stress without her... It's overwhelming... She was the most important thing in the world to me and she's just gone...

RIP Blueberry and Choo Choo. You guys were the best friends I could ask for, and I'm glad I got to grow up with you two.
Quote 0 0
andynyc
I came here and was reading your post and tears are streaming down my face. I lost my parents' dog today. His name was Westie. I feel so sick with grief right now. I spent the entire day in disbelief. I live 3 hours away from my parents and last saw him in person just before New Year's when I was home for the holidays. I feel so terrible that I will never see him in person again. I didn't think that this would be Westie's last Christmas. My only consolation is that I saw him during a Skype call on Sunday, just a day before he was put to sleep, and he looked at peace. His health had started to decline so rapidly over the past few days from a heart problem he was diagnosed with a couple of years ago, my parents had no choice but to make sure he didn't suffer. I think I need to stay home from work tomorrow I am so upset---I just can't imagine facing the day feeling like this. Westie was a part of the family. What I wouldn't do for just one more day to say goodbye.

WestieXmas2013.jpg 
Quote 0 0