ellexruth
Sami (my sweet baby girl cat) has left me officially 9 weeks and 4 days ago. I'm still agonizing over it. I've been struggling with mental problems since I was 12; full blown mental illness at 21. Now I'm 31. She passed on my birthday (12/10/19). I still agonize over it like it was 20 minutes ago. I relive that moment like it is still freshly happening. When the vet put the shot in her and I saw the life leave her eyes. I know this isn't the type of forum to go on about suicide, so I apologize if I'm being inappropriate - but she was THE. CONSTANT. BUFFER. between me and imminent death 100% of the time. I honestly don't know how I'm still even here. I spent 10ish years in college (8 majors; 3 different schools) before I gave up, then in June 2019 found my passion in EMS (I want to be a paramedic). I was so passionate about it - it was unlike any of my other studies. But then she died. 5 days before orientation. I still went on into school, I'm in the top 3 of my EMT class. But sometimes I feel all that passion has been lost on me when I think about it. My world centers around everything that sharply reminds me of her constant absence. I still love her so much. : / Honestly, if I were to leave this world, I would be with her again. Again, I know this isn't the appropriate place to voice these thoughts, but I don't really know of anywhere else where people could relate to losing a fur baby (wtf it's "just a cat/dog" kinda stuff).

xoxo
Lindsey
Samwise (Sami /Sam) Humble
May 21 2003 - Dec 10 2019


"and you're locked inside my heart
and your melody's an art
and I won't let the terror in

I'm stealing time,
through the eye of the needle"
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MySweetLadyDog
I'm sorry for your loss. I too have struggled with my mental health since my early teens and losing my canine companion 3 days ago has left me reeling and disoriented and very distraut, as she diffused my negative emotions. But just remember that your animal companion wouldnt want you to suffer and die too early. If you keep moving forward to be an EMT I'm sure that will bring you purpose since you will be helping people every day. Try and focus on basic self care things right now and take one day at a time. Sending love to you. We'll get through this.
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