VinnysMama
I had to say goodbye to my black cat Vincent yesterday...May 22nd, close to 4am. He developed a saddle thrombus/blot clot from his congestive heart failure. The symptoms were devastating to watch. I have this pit in my stomach. So much pain. This is so unreal. He was 9 years old. I got him when he was 7 weeks old. I'm supposed to wrap up a semester at school with this grief consuming me. I miss him so badly. He was doing just fine in the  beginning of this month...then diagnosed last week...this week...gone. It is the worst to see your love in so much pain. He was by my side every night. Sweetest cat I've ever known. This is terrible. So much heartache.
Vanessa Crow
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JulieF
Vanessa,

I am so sorry for the loss of your Vinny.  You clearly had a very special relationship with him and the decision to put him out of his pain and suffering  was not an easy one I know.  I had to do the same for my tuxedo cat Patch about 6 weeks ago.  He was 19 and had advanced kidney disease.  He was my special boy who I had since he was a kitten.  I miss him every day - he was my lap cat and we would spend our morning together while I drank my coffee and watched the news.  The only thing I can offer for comfort is that eventually the pain does start to diminish.  At first it comes in waves that make you feel like you are drowning in it.  However, after a few days, ever so slightly, you will gradually start to feel better.  Try to stay focused on your studies - maybe set aside time to grieve and time to study.  Having something to occupy your brain helps.  Try to get outside as much as possible.  I forced myself to go on my regular runs, although I was weak from not eating well for a few days.  It does not mean you loved Vinny less - he sounds like a sweet soul and would want you to be happy.  Part of the grief is that you no longer spend time caring for him - feeding him, cleaning his litter box, etc.  That time is now empty.  I still cannot get rid of the litter box we kept for Patch in the garage (for some reason he loved to go out to the garage).  It is still out there, with litter in it.  Don't set a time limit - I still have moments when I tear up.  I have his ashed in a box on his favorite chair - I talk to him everyday and pet him when I walk by.  What helped me also was to journal all of my thoughts about him - funny things he used to do (Patch loved to climb), how you miss him, etc.  

Bless you and hugs to you - it will eventually get better.  
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squares
VinnysMama, I send my condolences and hugs to you.  I know exactly how you are feeling right now.  Three years ago, my 9-year-old black cat had to be put to sleep due to heart failure and a tumor that hit him at the same time.  It all happened in the course of a week.  Watching his decline was a terrible experience, and he was so young.  It is even more painful when we lose a young animal, I think.

Like JulieF said, the pain can only get better with time.  You won't forget the hurt of this loss, but it will be easier to accept and to go about your daily life.  And I believe that Vincent will still be there for you in spirit.  Talk to him out loud and tell him how much you love him.  Write it down or make a journal like JulieF suggested.  Hugs to you tonight.  It will get better.    
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Memories_of_Marmalade
Dear Vanessa,

I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved "Vincent" (<what a great name for a cat!) and for what he experienced at the end. As you may know that condition is one of the most feared in Veterinary medicine. It can come on so suddenly and catch a pet parent off guard. It is easy to read in your words how much you truly loved and cherished Vincent. He sounds like he was your "Spirit Animal."

The depth of our grief is the depth of the love our lost loved ones felt from us during their lifetime.

I send you healing prayers and wishes. We are with you in comradeship and spirit. 

Kind regards and my sincerest condolences,
James
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DT1087
I am sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my 9 year old Yorkie the same day at 6:30am and he died in pain because the vet said he was “fine”. It is the worst feeling because I’m wrapping up my final in my law class this week and cannot focus. My prayers are with you. We will always have a spot for them in our heart. I know my Toby is around because the day that he went to rainbow bridge, I started to see cardinals. It is good to talk about it, especially the good times. I find myself crying, laughing and smiling whenever I talk about it to people and then it makes me feel a bit better each time. 
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Bigcatsdad
Vanessa, I'm so very sorry for your loss of Vincent,
Almost 4 months ago I had to say good bye to my big black cat Albert, he was 16 and my best bud. He developed an inoperable mass in his abdomen and we had to make the painful decision to end his suffering. Definitely one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life and I'm still so heart broken. Like Vincent, Albert was just a big friendly guy who loved people and to be around people. When we lose a little furry one that we are so close to it is such a crushing weight of grief, it's almost unbearable. It is so heart breaking to have to say goodbye, it leaves us so lost and empty but deep down inside we know it is right to end their pain and suffering. Vincent knows what you did you did because you loved him so much and didn't want him to suffer and degrade further. He is now pain free and in a better place and he knows you cared and loved him dearly. The first week or two you will feel so much sadness and heart break and the tears will seem like they will never stop. It does slowly get a little better in time and it will get a little easier to accept. I hope you will slowly get to a point where the good and happy memories of Vincent and the time you spent together can bring you a little comfort.
You are surrounded by people in this forum that understand what you are going through and how you feel.
My deepest condolences.
-Jeff
Bigcatsdad
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VinnysMama
I just want to thank everyone for their loving and thoughtful responses. I want to respond to everyone individually. I'm a little slow because of the grief. Thank you all so much. You have been more than helpful. For those who haven't experienced a recent loss, I'm very happy to hear you are healing♡♡♡♡♡My prayers are with you in the rest of your journey to heal. 
Vanessa Crow
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