Caddy
My dog Caddyshack has been at Rainbow Bridge for a little over six months now. The past week I have had two dreams about her and she was suffering in my dreams. First one her eyes were bleeding and the second one my nephew had her and was putting a diaper on her as I was sleeping in the dream. When I got up to look for her she was shaking asleep with her eyes fluttering. Caddyshack had her right lens protrude out back in late July last year. I gave her that chance to have surgery with the risks of her being a senior dog. I knew then, my time was limited, but it was put her down if I don't do the surgery b/c of her pain or give her the surgery with the risks. We took the risk. She recovered great and was amazing with the cone on her neck. She was so good. I was so proud of her and she did good from her surgery in Mid August until November. I knew something wasn't right and sure enough on Nov 6th we were at the ER. The next day she went into her vet and we knew we didn't have a lot of time left. We got home and two hours later rushed back up to the vet put do the ugly deed that had to be done. I could not let her hurt anymore. Its messing with me. Did I give her her meds too late at times?, did I check on her enough even though I felt that my eyes were glued on her non stop the last few weeks with her. Why didn't I see the vet message earlier that day after I took her to the ER. I wasn't paying attention enough all these thoughts just racing in my head all day. Crying over and over. I'm exhausted crying over it which makes me feel even more guilty. Now I am having dreams of her as I mentioned above that are messing with me. Has anyone else experienced disturbing dreams of their pets that have passed? Thank you for reading in advance. I would appreciate any feedback! 
Jinjer Pastor
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Memories_of_Marmalade
Dear Jinger,

Yes, disturbing dreams are common. Some are archived here on the forum. At times they are the result of the trauma many of us have gone through. Other dreams are "signs" wherein our beloved's may visit us in our dreams. At still other times the dreams are symbolic or abstract and have messages in them. There have been all kinds of articles and blog posts and even books written about the topic.

It's important to remember that feeling regret and remorse and the endless 2nd guessing we put ourselves through can drive one mad. But what you will come to realize is you DID what you could DO at the time. You were dealing with a difficult and tricky and complex situation no matter what decision you made. I read quotes from 3 different Vets (2 in the UK and one in the U.S.) who said when it comes to treating our pets: "You treat one thing and it triggers another." That is sadly quite often the case.

As tough as our dogs and cats can be, they can also be very sensitive and vulnerable. Their healths can turn on a dime. We never know what is going to happen, no matter the Vet, Animal Hospital, medicine or treatment or surgery. It can go any direction at the drop of a hat.

The truth many of us have learned here is there is no real right answer. You do what you can do and hope and pray for the best. No matter what decision you made, after they are gone, the 2nd guessing starts. And boy oh boy is it one of the absolute worst parts of the grieving process.

Bottomline is you got your beloved "Caddyshack" (<great name by the way) the surgery. And "Caddy" did what she could do. You BOTH went the distance. And for awhile it paid off. And I'm sure "Caddy" knew how deeply you and your family loved and adored her and cared for. She KNEW you were trying your best to help her. And that must have meant the World to her in those final months. Well done!

I wish you speedy healing and peace and joy. And hope that someday soon only your fondness memories of your Caddy come to mind when you think of her.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James
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Caddy
Thank you James. I appreciate that and the quote from the vets.. "You treat one thing and it triggers another". which is exactly what I feared with her eye removal. She had an immune disorder and was about 13 already and was in pain... as I said it was either put her down then or give her the operation. I threw my back out completely when this happened and I was not prepared for this at all let alone let her go, but I knew that we were then on limited time. I don't regret her surgery, I put all my savings towards her over what I was saving for and she was worth every penny. It wasn't a matter of choice when it came to her. She was my responsibility and I had to do her right. She did do what she could do after her surgery. I appreciate that. Thank you for reaching out to me! I really appreciate it!

Jinjer (Caddy's mom)
Jinjer Pastor
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Memories_of_Marmalade
Hi Jinger,

Thank you for your response. You are more than welcome.

I opted to have my cat Marmalade undergo surgery too after a very intense Tom-Cat fight, when Marmalade was trying to protect his girlfriend cat "Star" next door. He bled from one ear and the Vet and Animal Hospitals could not figure out what the problem was. I took him to 1 Vet and 2 Animal Hospitals. He underwent surgery on his right ear canal, wherein they shaved his head and he had major stiches up the side of his face. He either had a stroke on the operating table or the Doctor cut a nerve and Marmalade was left maimed. His right eye squinted, his right whiskers were lifeless and lay flat against his face and his balance was damaged. He fell off the arm of our couch straight onto his back when he returned back to the warehouse we resided in and looked at me as if to say: "What is happening to me?!"

He was already nearly completely deaf and he was becoming a shadow of his former self. He had once been the KING of a colony of feral and stray cats back in New Mexico where our paths originally crossed. This regal, noble, kind, scruffy orange tabby Tom-Cat. Whom I loved adored more than anything.

After the surgery he growled one morning in pain and a tooth fell out as he tried to eat. He was getting older and had bad teeth since I had met him, so I opted to have 4 teeth removed to try and cope with the issue. But his health detoriated and he could not eat or drink in the end.

It cost around $2200 and we gave it our best shot. And he had had enough of going to the Vet's / Animal Hospitals. He had been 13 times in 2 months. He would fight them tooth and nail in the hospital examination room, but was always kind, gentle and respectful with me when returned to the lobby. That trust meant so much to me. I did not want to risk losing it in the end and him hiding from me out of fear. I wanted him to trust me if he was going to depart this World.

I could no longer allow him to suffer and so I let him go.

: ** (

James
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Caddy
Oh WOW!!! I am so sorry about Marmalade. God it sucks the soul out of ya giving up a pet doesn't it? They are such sweet little creatures to makes humans happy. I wish so bad they could stay with us forever. Sounds like you were excellent to Marmalade. He was blessed to have you for his human. as you were blessed to be his human. I always say  it was an honor to be Caddy's human when I talk about her. I was shocked when I saw how well Caddy did after surgery and then just out of nowhere. I saw a couple of signs earlier that week, but I thought I was being paranoid and then one day at work I was unsettled and called my roommate and she let me know Caddy wasn't feeling okay and was looking for me. I got home and eyed her non stop. I went to pick her up and she had an accident all over me and was throwing her two paws in the air as if she was reaching for help and my roommate and I bolted to the vet ER at 10pm. I called out of work the next day and and at 3:15pm Her heart stopped as I held her allowing the vet to do what was needed to be done. It just sucks! Absolutely sucks!!! I feel how your feeling. Its so hard. Its her "Gotcha Day" June 29th. I still say its her Gotcha Day because she's still mine. That is the day I officially adopted her and I am still going to celebrate her in some way. She is a hard one to live without after being in my life. I am sure you know what I mean. Thanks for reaching out and sharing your story about Marmalade. Pets really are the best little creatures. All animals are the best! 🙂
Jinjer Pastor
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