rromero
Hi everyone,

It has been one week since the passing of our 2-year-old labradoodle, Gilly. I have been a rollercoaster of emotions and just have to reach out to others about what I have been through.

This past Saturday, my mom and I were returning home from breakfast with a friend. I went into the house first, leaving the door just barely open thinking my mom was coming in right behind me. I even thought to myself, "close it just enough so mom can get in and the dogs don't run out." I then walked over to the laundry room to let out our three pups. The two youngest darted out without me noticing because my mom lingered in the garage. That's when I heard her go "the dogs are out on the street". As soon as she said this, I ran outside calling them back into the house. Our pomeranian was already safe and sound in our yard, but Gilly was so excited running around in our front neighbor's yard. That's when I saw the suburban. I didn't know whether to call her name or leave her be or run to stop the car because I didn't want her to do anything abrupt and put her in more danger. But then I watched as that happened anyway. I just knew. I knew that it was was going to happen when I saw that car. Then my heart broke into a million pieces when I watched and heard my precious baby get hit by this man driving. I don't know why I assumed he would see her and stop. Maybe because he was all the way at the end of the street before approaching us. There was so much time and distance that I thought he'd notice her, but no. Or maybe he just didn't care. I'm not sure. After the impact, I went into this blank, autopilot mode. I sprinted towards her, trying not to see the injuries I knew were horrific and hearing her freaking out. I picked her up so fast, ignoring whatever the man was saying cause I knew I needed to act quickly. I didn't even take a look at his face. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the back part of her body looking so unnatural and twisted. My mom and I have never gotten into our car so fast. We just started driving. Sitting in the car in my arms, she was shockingly calm. It was almost as if nothing happened to her, except I could feel her bleeding out onto me. Once we reached the emergency vet, we put her life in their hands. Even though I wanted her to be okay more than anything in the world, I knew there was no hope. The vet later came in and confirmed what I already knew. She was beyond saving. We didn't want her to suffer any longer than she already had, so we made the hardest decision of putting her down. When we went in to say goodbye, she looked so normal and healthy, like nothing had happened and she was just taking one of her naps. As soon as she heard us and felt us, her breath started quickening. I didn't want this to affect her pain so we cut our goodbye shorter than what I would have liked. I can't even put into words what it was like watching the life slip out of her body. I couldn't believe my Gilly girl was gone so fast. 

I feel so guilty over what happened. I can't believe that I didn't close the door all the way when I thought about the consequences to myself. And I can't believe that I didn't try to stop the car. I hate myself for this. I lost one of my best friends for being too trusting. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself for this. And I can't stop what happened from replaying over and over in my mind. This dog was the sweetest pup. She stuck by my side when my family was away for months. She was always with me and kept me company. I hate that failed her and that she left us in our of the worst of ways. I wish I could take it all back. I would give anything to just rewind. 

Gilly, thank you for the most wonderful two years. You showed me what it's like to love someone unconditionally. I will never forget your quirks and how much you made me laugh. I love you so so much, and I am so sorry. I hope you know how happy you made us, and how missed you are.

-Regina


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Jan_H
I am very sorry for your loss of your sweet Gilly in a tragic accident. It is normal to feel guilt but I know that you never intended for her to get hurt. It was a horrible accident and I'm sure the trauma of seeing it happen is especially heartbreaking. I hope in time memories of her quirks, her unconditional love and her loyalty bring you comfort.

My condolences,
Jan
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pannklaus
I am so very sorry about the tragic accident in which you lost your precious Gilly.  I know that you are punishing yourself.  But people leave doors open all the time; pets get out and nothing happens.  It is very unfortunate that circumstances were different this time.  But it was a tragic accident.  You didn't cause the car to be there.   I hope that with time you can overcome your guilt and forgive yourself. 

Regardless of how Gilly died you would be experiencing the grief and sadness which occurs when we loose our precious, beloved pets.  And having to make the decision to put  her down when nothing could be done is extremely difficult and causes more grief, guilt and pain.  Right now you have a triple "dose" of grief and guilt.  Your feelings are understandable and natural.  I am so sorry about the lose of your darling Gilly but glad you have found this group.  I hope that you can find some small  comfort from knowing that others understand what you are going through.
Patsy
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rromero
Thank you both so much. It really means a lot to hear from other people that understand what I am going through. I really did lose my best friend that day and there is not a single moment that I am not thinking about Gilly. I miss her terribly and hope she can forgive me for not taking good enough care for her. She was the sweetest pup and best companion. 
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