boots
Hi you guys, it's me again.  I posted yesterday because I had to tragically and unexpectedly put my baby girl down before I even got into work.  Since then I have been truly messed up.  I had the option to stay home today but decided to drag myself into work, thinking it would help.  The only thing it did was force to me cry in increments, whenever I wasnt around people.  As soon as I came home I lost it.  I barely made it in the house before I threw my stuff down and started bawling.  I cant take being in this house without my Boots.  It's so cold and lonely.  As I walk around to the back to enter my apartment I keep thinking I'm going to see her fuzzy little face and beautiful green eyes from the window where she always sat, and then see her running to me when I open the door.  There is none of that anymore.

To make matters all the more worse, the two people closest to me are giving me no support what so ever.  My mother, and my boyfriend are basically calling me names, telling me that there's "something not right" with me because I am grieving so bad.  My mother hung up the phone yesterday when I finally started yelling back at her because she was putting me down so bad.  Today she calls to see how I'm doing and she heard that I was crying - and she told me point blank:  "There's got to come a time when you have to say to yourself that this way of acting is just insane".  I JUST PUT MY CAT DOWN YESTERDAY MORNING! IS SHE FREAKIN KIDDING ME OR WHAT???  Then last night, after being as supportive as a black heart could be, my boyfriend called to see how I was doing.  Well, I guess hearing me cry all day yesterday was his limit and when he found me still crying last night he told me that "something is not right with you".  He said that I was going on and on as if this were a human being that passed away, meanwhile it was just a "F#$%^&G CAT".  That was it for me.  He cursed my cat and I hung up on him, right after he said that if I was planning to "walk around acting like someone died" this weekend that I shouldnt come over to visit him as we had planned. 

I have no use for my boyfriend at this point, and my mother well, I'm ignoring all her calls.  Am I really surrounded my nutbags???  Or are they just so appallingly evil at heart that they cannot fathom how much I loved this cat??

This is why Boots was my best friend.  She was ALWAYS there for me and I still feel like I let her down.  Sometimes I got really mad at her when she would put her face in my plate while I was eating and I would yell at her and push her away.  She would cower but still inch up step by step to my plate to get a sniff.  I'm thinking about all these things now that I would KILL to have back, and I feel so guilty and like I was so mean to her. 

All of these things are going through my mind and I'm finding it harder and harder to be here without her.  I am still in shock that everything happened the way it did...I never expected that this cat would die now...I thought I would have a good handful of years left with her.

I miss her so much....

Thanks for letting me vent.  I have nowhere else to turn with my grief.  I am seriously considering ending my involvement with my boyfriend.  I dont even want to look at him after what he said.  I dont know if he just makes me sick or if it's the grief talking but right now I could punch hiim right in the face if here were in front of me.
This was my gorgeous baby girl Boots. I miss her so much.
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nicokudo
Boots,

I'm so sorry that your family and boyfriend are unable to be supportive.  Sadly, there are many people in this world who do not understand the bond that one can have with a pet.  But as you well know, this is their loss. Can you imagine what it would be like to go through life without knowing this  kind of love? 

I understand why you are concerned about a future with a boyfriend who is unable to be supportive when you are  grieving so much.  Grieving is already allowing you to grow and understand what is important to you in this life and maybe this is a gift from your baby girl.  She is allowing you to see what you want in a significant other.    Having said that, making a decision when you are grieving may not  be a wise choice.  Perhaps you can just back away for awhile and see what happens.  I personally believe that men grieve differently than women do(not more, not less, just differently), but I do know for certain that I need a man who understands how much I am suffering wen I lose something this important.

If those around you do not offer support, you will find this site to be the support that you are looking for.  Here it is safe to vent your anger, your uncertainty about your choice, your fears, your sadness, your loneliness.  You have in a way found a loving, supportive, non judgmental family of sorts.  When I first came here many years ago, I found so much help writing and reading all of the responses.  My friends and family were supportive, but it was so helpful knowing that there were others out there who truly understood the depth of my grief.  I didn't necessarily let family members and friends see that.

Thinking of you and your special girl.

Karen



mo5cl
Karen,Kudo and Nico's mom
Earth mom to Marco and Bella
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boots

Thank you Karen.  My name is Sabrina.  I sit here and read through the posts too, because I feel so guilty.  Reading everyone else's thoughts and feelings does help.  I sit here and read and think about my baby and cry.  That's what my life has become.  I would give anything, ANYTHING to have her back even for just a day.  Oh God I miss her so much.  I just hope she knew/knows how much I love and miss her.  I would love to post a picture of my gorgeous baby but I dont know how.

This was my gorgeous baby girl Boots. I miss her so much.
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nicokudo
Sabrina,

I've never actually posted, but at the top of the message list there is a description of how to do it.  If that doesn't work, e-mail Susie Squillions and I really think that she will help you.  She lost her T.J. just 2 months ago, so she probably won't respond as quickly as she once did, but she will help you.

Karen
Karen,Kudo and Nico's mom
Earth mom to Marco and Bella
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donnalee

Hi Sabrina, I am so sorry for the loss of your baby.  It is a fact that not every one will understand what you are going through.  If a person hasn't had that bond and strong love with a pet, they won't understand your grief.  So, sharing your grief with people who have been where you are is helpful.  You will find people here who truly understand what you are feeling.  I'm now in week 5 of losing my precious boy and I still cry from time to time but the last two weeks of his life and the first 2 weeks of his passing were filled with tears.  We all loved (and still do love) our furry babies and were devestated when they passed but we all have found ways to cope and go on.  You will too.  It will take some time.  I found that as I wrote to others to try to comfort them on this forum, it actually helped me too.  I know you aren't ready for that yet but just know that there is nothing wrong with you.  You are just one of many who really loved their pet.  They are a big part of our daily life and when they suddenly are not there, life can seem very empty.  It can be just as painful as losing a person......in some cases, more painful.  You are not nuts unless we are all nuts! I hope you find some peace and comfort for your heart soon.    

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txgal
Sabrina...there is a Control Panel tab at the top of the page that will let you edit your profile.  If you can upload photo's to Facebook you will have no trouble doing it here.
 
I am so sorry for your loss and the lack of support you are recieving from your family.  I can relate to your situation somewhat.  I am currently separated from my husband and my Jake was my only companion.  He was my dog for 15 of his 17 yrs........he became sick rather quickly and within 2 weeks was gone.  I was devastated.  Coming home to an empty apartment brought me to tears almost every day.  Before he died many days when I drove by I would see him looking out the window...when I opened the door I would flick the light switch, he was completely deaf, and he would appear at the top of the stairs. The routine of caring for him was gone.......I too had become cross at him for getting me up many times at night when he needed to go outside....sometimes I think he just missed his yard and wanted to stand outside with the breeze in his hair.  My husband wasn't exactly telling me to get over it after Jake died but neither was he offering words of support....I barely spoke to him for 3 weeks.  I told him I would not be happy until I got another dog and I think he thought that was ridiculous.
 
It's been almost 4 months now and I still miss him terribly.  I do have a new dog, Fritz, same breed, different color and ears, which has helped greatly.  I adopted him from a rescue group just as I had Jake.  I hope to give him many happy years too.....
 
I am posting a poem that I found on this site; someone else posted it first. It is quite emotional yet comforting too....may it provide you some measure of comfort at this difficult time...
 
I Haven’t Left At All

I saw you gently weeping as you looked through photographs
You paused for just a moment at one that made you laugh.
But as you turned more pages the tears began to flow
You whispered that you missed me but I want you to know;
I softly licked those stinging tears that down your cheeks did fall
I want to help you understand I haven’t left at all.

On those days that you are overcome with sorrow, pain and grief
I rest my head upon your leg to offer some relief.
When you take our walking path I’ve seen you turn around
Because I know you surely heard my paws upon the ground.

At night while you are sleeping I snuggle at your side
You stroke my fur as you touch that place where I used to lie.
You said it’s just your heart playing tricks upon your mind
But rest assured I’m really there, my spirit’s left behind.

I know your heart is hurting; it’s like an open sore
You think my life has ended and you won’t see me anymore.
But for those of us bound tight by love, death is not the curtain call;
It’s really the eternal beginning that waits for us all
So, dear Master as you live your life I patiently await
For us to be together when you pass through Heaven’s gate...
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donnalee
txgal, thank you for sharing that beautiful poem with Sabrina and all of us.  I think that is my favorite poem I have seen so far.  I love what it says.  I think that is one thing that has given me comfort is believing that Scottie is on the other side having a wonderful time with all of God's creatures and I will get to see him and be with him again someday!  Thank you for sharing.
Donna Lee (another Texas gal if that is what is stands for)
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ladybugsmom
Hi Sabrina I am sorry for the loss of you baby Boots.
It's only been 6 days since we had to decide to send our beautiful Lady Bug to live with Jesus. if it wasn't for the support I received here I think it would of been impossible to get through each day. no one around me other than my husband is being very supportive of me but he is gone most the time.
And it so sad that these people do not or may never know the love and kindness and acceptance one can recieve from a pet, this love can run so deep. I am finding it a little easier myself by putting my efforts into memorializing my Baby Girl because I had so much guilt and felt I owed here much more, So I placed an ad in the paper personal section letting others know of her passing, I am going to dedicate a my space page to her and let others know what she meant to me.  And more it makes me feel better.  I don't care if some think I am crazy for those are the ones who do not know this love, but there are many many more that do know this kind of love and will welcome this kind of posting. Please know you have friends here that will not criticize your thoughts or feelings.
Keep posting it really does help to talk about it. 

Many Hugs
Lady Bugs Mom  
Lady Bug

Monday October 24th 1994 - Sunday May 23rd 2010

I light this candle for Lady Bug, Cassy and and ALL the babies that have crossed over the Rainbow Bridge.



Visit Lady Bug at http://www.immortalpets.com/Lady_Bug_Stalter/About.aspx

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

Hugs to all
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