I'm at a loss for how to move on with my life after the death of my beloved GSD, Hason.
Just Friday night he was eating dinner with me and playing around like he always does. Saturday morning I woke up and found him unable to move. Took him to the vet asap thinking maybe he had gotten into something he shouldn't have with his two other sidekicks JJ and Xena. They took an X-ray and noted that something wasn't right and that he needed to go to the hospital asap. I rushed him over and got the horrible news that there was a tumor on his spleen that had ruptured causing internal bleeding and it was highly indicative of hemangiosarcoma. In a split second my entire world flipped upside down. I called my family members in to discuss options and we all agreed to give the splenectomy a go so we could have some more time with him and let him pass at home. I knew there was no curative answer but we could not let him go without knowing we had done everything we could. They called me after surgery to tell me he was alright and everything was removed and that once he finished his transfusions we could visit him. If it were up to me I would have never left the hospital but they assured me it was best for me to stay home until he was physically ready and stable for visitors.
I got a call about an hour after that to come asap as he was rapidly declining. I grabbed everyone and his brother and we took off. Made it to the corner to turn in and then I got another call. My sweet Hason didn't make it.
I feel so heavy in my chest for not being right there with him when he passed. I was so close. I cry so much thinking about how scared he was to wake up without his family and how scared he must have been to go without seeing us one last time. It eats me up inside. I could not for the life of me put him to sleep but if I had known this was the outcome, I would have let him go peacefully. I feel such guilt over not being with him. He was the absolute light in all of our lives and I feel like a piece of my heart was taken with him.
I am trying to stay strong for my two dogs, they need me now and I'm trying so hard to keep our same routine but I feel a gaping emptiness in everything I do. It's just not the same without my Hason. I've never in my life felt grief like this. It came on so suddenly I didn't get the chance to prepare. I'm extremely sad and confused. Angry that this had to happen to him or any dog out there. It's just not fair and we are all having an extremely hard time.
Thanks for taking the time out of your day to read,