I lost my best friend early on 4/2. Domino was a 12-year old terrier/shar pei mix with an almost a human like personality. He seemed to be very healthy and I thought we had another 5 years with him. I did not know 12 years was a long life for his breed. He was not feeling well after eating the night of 4/1, but was fine up to around 6 pm. All his life he would occaisonally not feel well and would eat grass and vomit and would feel fine again, so I was not too concerned. I was watching him when he got up and walked outside and vomited and layed down. He usually would feel better and would come back in, but this time he stayed outside which he also occaisonally would do. I checked on him and put a blanked on him. He would lift his head and looked at me but was not overly responsive. I took this as he stomache was just little more upset that usual and was going to bring him to the vet the next day. When he would not get up to come to bed, I picked him up and he was limp. We rushed him to the emergency clinic after a few tests and x-rays were told he had internal bleeding from a large mass/or tumor in his abdomen and his prognosis was grim. The vet though he would not survive the anethesia and said from her experience 10% chance he would make it and that with the tumor if he made it that the tumors usually come back and that he would have maybe 3-6 months. When Domino was 5 we had put him through a lateral ear canal resection which was extremely painful and we did not want to put him through another surgery with such a poor prognosis. My wife and I decided to let him go. This was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. My wife and I visited with him and told him how much we loved him, but our children did not get a chance to say good bye. The vet said we could stay with him for as long as we wanted. I could have stayed for weeks but it was time and finally I told the vet it was time and with him in my arms he passed peacefully.
I am full of grief and anguish that I did not react quicker, although the outcome probably would have been the same. I am haunted by seeing him laying on the floor in distress and watching him take his final steps. I would give anything to have that day back so that I could of devoted my entire attention to him instead of working late. I regret and feel guilty for not playing with him more and for not taking him for more walks during his life. I work from home and he was a constant presence. He was always at my side laying in my office and it is hard to be in there now. I cannot be in the family room where he layed before he went outside since it brings back the memories of him looking up at me. The house feels dark and lonely and I have visions of him throughout the day. Sleep is getting a little better each night, but when I wake up the first thoughts are of him and if I get on that thought pattern I lay awake crying for hours. We have other animals but they help only a little. He will be remembered and loved forever and I hope I can eventually look at his photos with a happy feeling without bursting into tears.
His time came too soon and without warning. I will forever cherish all the years we had together.