cyg23
I lost my dog on the July 13th. Her name was Trixie. She was 12 years old and she was going to turn 13 on November. I knew that she didn't have much time left but the way she died was just so quick. She was pretty healthy for her age. She was a german shepherd husky mix and when she would get excited she would act like she was still in her prime. She would show her age when she would groan a little getting up or laying down due to arthritis. It was around 3am when she woke us up crying and when I checked up on her I noticed that her abdomen was stiff and it was uncomfortable for her. She would try to throw up but nothing would come out. I took her to the emergency vet and she was diagnosed with gastric dilation volvulus. The vet showed us the x-rays and even though I'm not a technician it didn't look good. The vet told us that it didn't look like a typical gdv, she suspected that she would find something else in there like a mass. She was completely fine the day before and for that to have happened was just insane. I know that gdv's cause is unknown and that it occurs suddenly but I feel like it's my fault like I did something that triggered it. I hate it even more that I decided to put her down. I made that decision because I considered her age as well as the vet's opinion on it not being a regular gdv. I also remember how much pain Trixie was in. She would try to lay down but it was too painful. I have her ashes but it doesn't feel like it's her. I miss her so much. Sometimes she was my baby and sometimes she was my sister. It's a bond that's hard to explain. I still feel like I'm in denial. I keep thinking that she's going to show up. I met her when she was just 3 days old. I was around 10 years old when I got her. My babysitter at the time had a german shepherd that was bred with a husky. I singled Trixie out when I saw her. Now I just want her back.
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear CYG23,

My heart is breaking for you. In your words you can easily read how much you loved, cherished, adored, and cared for your beloved Trixie. I am so so sorry that she had to suffer and that you had to see her in such pain and discomfort. I am glad that you were able to summon the strength and courage necessary to show her mercy and do what you had to, in order to end her pain & suffering. Now that pain and suffering has been transferred to you. That is the bargain that you made. You are processing it through your grief. The passage of time is part of that process.

A dog in the wild's natural lifespan is about 10 years on average. So actually your Trixie lived beyond her years. And it is comforting to know that during her lifetime she had you as her devoted companion, loving sister and affectionate Mother. All dogs should be so fortunate. And all humans should be so blessed to have known the love that you experienced with your Trixie.

Do not underestimate the expectation of her "showing up." But it may just be in a spiritual form. I have been visited by my cat Marmalade on many occasions in the late evenings (around 3 to 4 am) since he departed this World. I have heard his distinctive meow, trill or felt him walking across the comforter where we used to sleep together. These are subtle "signs", but they are real. There are many posts on this forum relating to signs and sightings etc. Far too many to be just coincidences or our imaginations. 

Welcome to the forum, despite the circumstances. There are some wise, kind, warm, loving, compassionate, empathetic, sympathetic and witty people here. I hope you will share some stories and photos of your Trixie with us.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James
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redgirlraven
I am so sorry for the loss of Trixie. I know just how you feel. My sweet kitty Roary was only 9, and he was seemingly fine the night before he wasn’t. He was totally himself and then I got up in the morning and he couldn’t walk up the stairs without stopping and panting. His chest was full of fluid and as it turns out it was due to a huge cancerous tumor that o swear feels like it appeared overnight.
The denial is normal. I am in and out of it all of the time. Roary died on the 20th of June and now, this week, in many ways, have been filled with more grief as some of prednisone the denial wears off some. I’m heartbroken for me, for you, for everyone here.
I wish you strength and peace. I wish that for all of us.
Again, my sincerest condolences
AR
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HamLuv16
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Hammy on Sunday morning and the past few days have been extremely hard.
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cyg23
Thank you everyone for your support. I am scared of never seeing her again. The thought of never being able to see her, pet her, or just be near her is so painful. It doesn't feel right that I have to go on without her. Maybe it's just my punishment. I feel so much guilt. I let her down. I didn't save her. There's a surgery that could have saved her but I couldn't afford it. There are articles I read that say that gastric dilation volvulus might be caused by eating too quickly and by large intakes of water. Chances also increase if the dog is experiencing a lot of anxiety. I feel like I didn't take enough precautions. I knew that for the past few days before she passed she was very anxious each night due to fireworks that some people would still set off. I comforted her on 4th of July but not the days after. It's my fault. I hope that she's happier and at peace wherever she may be.
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Apo181dsdc
I am so sorry for your loss. That fear of never seeing them again is so strong. I get it. But I know we will. I know they will visit us while we are here and we will see them when we go. Please don’t blame yourself. Your words sound so similar to my thoughts about mine. I hope you find peace.
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Memories_of_Marmalade

Dear Cyg23,

No, no sweetie. At Trixie's advanced age she was already a senior dog. I highly doubt that you could have done anything to prevent her becoming ill or to save her. Surgery is invasive. It is like numerous Vet's have said: "You treat one thing it triggers another." The guilt and remorse you are feeling is a natural part of the grieving process. You are in the process of transforming the pain & suffering that you absorbed from Trixie when you decided to end her pain and suffering. You are feeling that pain and suffering. Please know it for what it is. Many of us are feeling the same thing. And please be gentle with yourself.

Kind regards,
James
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cyg23
Again thank you for your words and your compassion. I've read what others have and are going through and it really helps to see that I'm not alone. I figured I would share some pictures of Trixie. She would sometimes lay down on the treadmill while I stretched. She was a goof.
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redgirlraven
Please consider calling DaybyDay pet caregiver support they have a website, chat room, and 24/7 hotline 484-453-8210. Sometimes talking with someone will help
AR
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Cyg23,

Trixie certainly was a pretty girl. I am always surprised at the "knowingness" in people's pet's eyes in the photos that are posted here. There is so much keen awareness in them. Of "presence." Thank you for sharing those photo images of your beloved. She was so silly laying on that treadmill! Lol.

Kind regards,
James
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Julia_Loves_McCartney
cyg23, so very sorry for your loss. I know what it's like to have it happen so suddenly like that. What sweet pictures too of Trixie. Sending prayers.

~I love you eternally, McCartney boy~

You can visit my kitty McCartney's Rainbow Bridge Memorial here: http://www.rainbowbridge.com/residents/MCCAR001/Resident.htm

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