I am very thankful for this site.  I didn't realize just how many people are in pure pain over the loss of their furbaby.

I just want to know... does this pain ever go away?  Do the guilt feelings ever go away?  It has been one month (tomorrow) since my beloved Abby's passing.  She was fine on Saturday and then she collapsed on Sunday.  About two months prior (October) her tummy was a little swollen but, then went down.  I have always been an overprotective Mom with her and thought she was fine and that I was just "freaking out" again.  She had Hemangiosarcoma and was bleeding internally.  I will never forgive myself for not taking her in October.  I don't know that anything could have been done but, she would not have had to endure the fear of not realizing what was happening to her.

I do not have any other furbabies - she was my first.  I am so depressed I feel like balling up in the corner.  I am still sobbing everyday.  I think I have reached the point where most people think I should "get over it" and don't want to hear it anymore.  I know I have reached a point where I must endure this myself.  My heart is gone.  I do not ever want to forget her... I just want to be able to remember all of the good times and not just the pain.

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If you haven't gone to school and become a vet, how are you to know whether she was sick or merely temporarily under the weather. Even vets don't know half the time.
I am just saying, it's not your fault!
This is a recurring theme in here.
I accidently gave my Bean a dose of frontline too soon, and he seemed fatiqued, but I had no idea he would be dead only four days later. I did take him to the vet, and he did a blood transfusion and gave him fluids, but he died the next night. Bean was old and had other health problems, and it was just too much for him. The first week for me was unbearable, but I do believe that they know how much we adore them and most of us would give everything we have just to hold them one more day.
I loved him to distraction. He was the best 'person' I ever knew. A magnificent main coon cat. It doesn't seem real that he is gone. He only died on November 30th. The vet wanted me to put him to sleep right then, but I refused and told him to do everything he could. He gave him a blood transfusion and fluids. After I brought him home,the next morning he was chortling away in the corner like I had never heard him that happy in years.
I sat in a chair with him in my arms for that day. Finally about 1:00 in the morning, I gave him a little milk through a feeder. His body heaved so hard, and he died in my arms. I told him to go on, that I would be there soon. I will be forever grateful that I was holding him when he died. Before the pain got so bad and he was whimpering like a baby, he would look at me with so much love in his eyes.
I have lost many cats in my life, but there will never, ever be another Bean.
The pain may last a good while, but when you love an animal that much, that is the risk you take. But what would our lives be without them.
At least you are capable of such love.
I probably am no help, but will pray you find peace soon.
I dreamed about Bean the other night. I was sitting with my mother and he was outside on a tree limb, all beautiful and fluffy like he had been years ago. I said to my mother, 'It's strange how Bean died, but he is still alive'. I take this to mean he successfully transcended to the world of pure spirit he so richly deserved. He suffered a lot of other health problems. It doesn't hurt right now, but the pain will suddenly come back. Yesterday was very hard.
Just know, you will eventually get passed it!!
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I am so sorry for your loss. All of us here have experienced the guilt you are going thru. It is part of the mounring process. Abby knew the amount of love you shared. My Jasmine has been gone a mere 3 1/2 months and my heart still cries out for her to be here with me. She was my furbaby. Cry when you must, scream if you feel like it.
Does the pain ever go away? I don't believe mine will and what about the guilt? For me, never, I gave Jasmine the drug ProIn  that caused an underlying illness, kidney failure, to manifest and she suffered for 57 days after I gave it to her. I had to help her to The Rainbow Bridge 09-04-09 and the memories of that day, I re-live everyday. Her eyes telling me it was time and the thousand of kisses she gave me that last day.

My thoughts and prayers are of you today.


Cheryl and Angel Jasmine

Cheryl and Angel Jasmine
Jasmine was loved
Jasmine was given ProIn
Jasmine is now gone
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Just remember thousands of kittens, cats, puppies and dogs will be put to sleep today, as they are every day, without ever knowing the love your baby knew.
When you are ready, as you will be someday, go to the animal shelter and get the one that reaches it's little arms through the bars trying to get to you.
That is the one sure cure, but you have to be ready.
God Bless.
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I read that the guilt is a normal part of grieving. Boy is it ever! I've racked my brains over what I could have done differently, what I didn't do enough, or should have done... I appreciate what was said about half the time the vets don't know.  This is true. I agree with the fact that we loved them and they loved us and that there are thousands of animals dying everyday in shelters who don't have that love.  It's just so tough to get through this. It makes the holidays seem dismal.  One thing though, I have found that the guilt has lessened, and I still cry daily, but I"m not obsessing about her being gone as much.  I think I am beginning to accept it more.  It hurts alot inside though.  Hang in there because I know it gets better because I have been through it before, many years ago.  I"m sorry it is so unbearable.  I lost my Beri a month ago, and it's still extremely painful for me too, but those moments are getting a little farther apart.  Maybe that's grace, I don't know. Maybe I just can't take it.
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I remember one of the vet techs in the room saying to me after Havana was euthanized " you did the best you could for her" It was kind of her to say that but in my heart I know I will never feel that way. I will always have doubts for as long as I live. I believe that's just the way it is when we lose a beloved friend. The guilt and "what ifs" are one of the most difficult parts of the grieving process. I am very sorry for the loss of your dear Abby. You know how much you loved her and so did she. You can never rush your grieving just because the people around you think you should be "over it" by now. This is between you and Abby and no one else. Your healing will happen in it's own time. I know how hard it is and I am sorry for your pain. In time I hope you will be ready to open your heart again to another animal in need of the loving home you would provide. I would recommend  more than one though. In my times of immense sadness for those I have lost I have found my greatest comfort in the company of my 4 legged family that is , thankfully, still with me. You are in good company here. You can feel safe sharing your grief and know that it is shared. While the people around you may not understand or respect your feelings you can be assured that the people here do.
x Tiki   
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