Every hour, since Max has passed on Friday I continue to tell myself that he is returning. I have told myself he’s in the other room, or at the vet or at the dog sitter. I’ve even said that while I’m driving he’s in the back seat in his bed under the blankets.At night in bed, I look at folded blankets at my feet and tell myself it’s him curled up under the covers. I refuse to accept this. It’s unnatural to have my baby taken from me, it unfair and this sudden traumatic loss is too much for my heart, mind and nervous system to bear. I wish someone could tell me how to accept my baby’s in another place now. But nothing helps, nothing comforts, nothing about this feel normal or acceptable. I’m angry and I want my child back.
Laraine Esposito 
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I feel the same intact I wrote about it an hour ago under “does is ever get easier”. My Pecan passed away suddenly as well and I feel so guilty for her death.  So many what ifs and I should haves.  I’m going crazy.  Unfortunately death is part of life.  It’s unfair but it’s part of life.  I just didn’t see it coming so fast and so sudden.  You and I need to get up and feel better about ourselves.  I know I need to believe that I am not able to control death.  I wish I could have my baby back and she could live longer.  I still can’t believe she’s gone.  I feel her beside me all the time and she sends mE so many signs.  Hope you feel better soon.  Please be kind to yourself.  Sending you love 💖🙏🏼🐾
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Hi Laraine,
I am truly sorry for your loss. I just passed the six months with my dog Caddyshack. I've had pets before and this one I can't seem to accept. Not to say I loved any others less, but I think it was the time and situation and Caddy was special needs. My heart sank back in November when I had to make that unpleasant choice to let her go. It is a harsh lesson and to get over. I'm not going to get over her and I accept that. I just have to learn to live with it. I talk to her all the time. Every night I hold onto her blanket and her little bed is on my bed. I understand the grief and not being able to accept what has happened. I have to tell myself to be nice to myself and yes, "Please be kind to yourself". Rainbow bridge chatroom is helpful for me. I was going to support group meetings at my local human society as well. Maybe that is something you would like to look into when things are open. Hang in there Laraine! You are loved and thank you for being a great mom to your baby. I don't know you but I can sense you were a great mom. Be proud of that!! I know through all the guilt, if, ands or buts I was die hard loyal to my sweet dog as she was for me and that is something I can smile about. I did her right from the moment I laid eyes on her. Bless you and again be kind to yourself! <3
Jinjer Pastor
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