I had to make the decision to put my sweet dog Rizzo down two years ago because of kidney failure. I’m still absolutely heartbroken everytime I think of her last moments, wishing I would’ve noticed some sign of sickness, anything before her kidneys started shutting down. I loved her so much, and even though she showed no signs of being sick until then night I found blood in her urine, I still feel so unbelievably guilty I couldn’t protect her from this. Of course after I noticed the blood I took her to the vet as soon as it opened then next day. I was told her kidneys were failing, but we’d try 3 days of dialysis to see if it would help. It didn’t. I brought her home Saturday’s to say goodbye. Her favorite foods, lots of resting, and even a short walk down her favorite path in the woods with her buddy Lucy (my other pup). I still remember holding her head in my hands and looking into her eyes while my vet administered the euthanasia. I remember her body going limp & It was so fast & she was gone. I still feel like I failed her. She was 10yrs old & I thought I’d have so much more time with her. I miss her funny face. I miss her crazy personality. I miss her fuzzy ears & the way she used to lean against me whenever I stood still. I miss her so so much still. I still feel crazy after all this time that my heart is still so broken. I loved her so much...
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Jenkra - I don't think you failed your dog. You helped her. I feel the same way that you describe about missing her. My dog passed away in September and it has been nine months. I was able to do all the fun things before she passed away since it was scheduled but I am still heart broken. She was going on 18 and perfect. A once in a life time dog. I don't see me feeling better anytime soon. I have good days and weeks but it comes back. A part of my life died and it is not the same anymore without her in it. I still have all her things out.

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Jenkra, I’m so sorry that you lost your fur baby. I perfectly understand why you’re still sad now... People say the longer they’ve been gone, the less it hurts; but it hurts me even more because a sense of longing sets in. You didn’t fail her. Not by a long shot. You wouldn’t have known... A lot of animals are never very vocal about their pain or sickness, so we end up finding out when it’s too late. I had a cat I lost four years ago. His name was Struedel. Much like your baby, I didn’t realize he was sick for a while until he started showing noticeable symptoms. He passed away very quickly afterwards. I think about him and I cry... and I think I will always be sad about never having my sweet baby with me anymore. People are here for you. Be as nice to yourself as you can be. 
Dream little one! You can run and jump and climb again! For always! Dream little one, and I will dream with you.
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