shmoobear

Today it's 2 weeks since we had to say goodbye to our Dakota. In a lot of ways, it feels like it's been years since I've been able to kiss him and hug him. Sometimes I look at his picture and think "was that all a dream that I got to be around that beautiful creature?". In other ways, it still feels like I could walk into the room and he will be laying there. The non-stop tears have subsided, but they still break out, sometimes at the oddest times. But they've sort of been replaced by this blanket of sadness....this reality that it did happen, he is gone, and nothing will bring him back. So that's how I feel in my worst times...

In my hopeful times, I have all of the thoughts organized in my head....like puzzle pieces I've fit together. And I go "oh, yes, I get it". I get how this was his life....he wasn't taken from us, this was when and how he was supposed to leave this Earth. I get that we received the best gift getting to spend our life with him. I get that the love and affection we had for him overflowed and he felt it all the time...he felt it everyday, during holidays, when new babies were brought in the house, when company was over. All of those typical times when a pet owner would kind of shoo away their animal, we never did. Dakota never dropped down on our priority list. His spot was solid, and we realized that there was nothing that would take it. We get a lot of comfort in that. No regrets, it's a nice feeling.

The other day we found a bag of his snow white, puffy fur in the shed out back. He was just starting to blow his coat for the summer, so that was the beginning of what would have been a LOT of brushing. Little by little, we threw it over the back fence into the large woods, watched it blow away, and sent him back to nature. It gave us such a peaceful feeling that he would return to what was his natural state. That in a short time, he would be feathering the nest of a bird and the baby birds would be comforted by him. That he would be taken off to a bunny's home and be part of that. He truly was a nature dog, and it's where he belongs. Since Dakota left us, there is a bunny that appears in the backyard. He sits so close to the back door and stares in at us. We haven't seen a bunny do that in a LONG time. But here is the bunny, so close, staring in. I know in some ways I could be resentful of the bunny....like it's presence highlights Dakota's absence. But I'm not....he stares in with his large brown eyes, just like my sweet Dakota. And I feel peace. I feel as if it's a message....it's almost him saying "it's o.k., I'm fine, I'm here....where I belong".

I wish that I could retain that feeling always. But ultimately it's like those puzzle pieces fall apart, get jumbled, and that's when I fall apart. And I'll think "uh, I JUST had it". I'm not sure if I will ever truly heal from this....I don't think so. But I have to believe that this is a process....and I'm moving within it, even if I don't feel like I am.

For now though, the bottom line is just that I miss my friend. I miss his velvetty, upright ears....I miss his little mouth that looked like a teddy bear (he never drooled or showed his gums or anything....he really looked like a stuffed animal!)....I miss how warm his stomach felt if you pet it when he was all curled up in his bed....I miss the way I felt when I was around him. I loved him so deeply...and I hope that no matter where he is, he can still feel that. Some people wouldn't understand....but he honestly changed my life, and changed me as a person.

Thank you for listening to me go on so long....this site has been so wonderful...and you all are a blessing. On this two week mark, I would like to again post the words that we feel most describe our Dakota and how we are feeling:


Please don't say "I'm sorry"
'Cause we will never be
We celebrate his beauty
His spirit still runs free
We feel him in the soft breeze
That cooled his upturned face
He's now returned to Nature
It always was his place
When Winter comes, and soft snow falls
That's when we'll feel him most of all...
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Debi
shmoobear, awww...such a wonderful picture of your Dakota..he looks amazing...such a sweetie....
Thank you for all your comforting words...love your poem....and it's so true...love the "warm belly" memories....we used to say, "Pooh do you want Pooh belly kisses?" And he would lay down and bare his little tummy for kisses with a big grin on his face...he smiled alot...showed teeth and turned up his lips...he was a ham at times...
  We just have to remember all the wonderful times and their love they gave so freely everyday...
  Love the bunny who shows up at your door...how wonderful....yes, I think it's a sign....enjoy the message Dakota's sending you...your special to get one.
  I agree, I don't think we'll ever heal...but time will help the hurt get easier to deal with.
  Thinking of you on your 2 week day...sending hugs and warm thoughts...Debi
Debi
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Susie_Squillions
"Since Dakota left us, there is a bunny that appears in the backyard. He sits so close to the back door and stares in at us. We haven't seen a bunny do that in a LONG time. But here is the bunny, so close, staring in. I know in some ways I could be resentful of the bunny....like it's presence highlights Dakota's absence. But I'm not....he stares in with his large brown eyes, just like my sweet Dakota. And I feel peace. I feel as if it's a message....it's almost him saying 'it's o.k., I'm fine, I'm here....where I belong.'"

I love that!  You can bet that bunny is Dakota's messenger, sent to let you know everything is alright.  What a blessing!

Sending virtual hugs your way today and every day as you adjust.  Dakota is a part of the universal nature, the love energy that keeps us going.

xoxoxo

My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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Goobiesbf
shmoobear - Whenever I see photos of your Dakota I just want to bury my hands in his coat.  He looks so comfortable, so peaceful sitting in the snow.  He's the king of all he sees.

I like your puzzle analogy.  As we travel along grief's pathways, we juggle the pieces trying to get them back in place.  The biggest adjustment is seeing that the picture that forms is different than it was when the puzzle fell apart.

I'm sure all our babies have taken their lifetimes of love with them and know that we still love them in their absence.  I always wonder if they feel our tears and what our missing them means to them.  There are so many mysteries and unknowns on this journey and so few answers.

Ellen
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AnnetteinNC
shmoobear wrote:

Today it's 2 weeks since we had to say goodbye to our Dakota. In a lot of ways, it feels like it's been years since I've been able to kiss him and hug him. Sometimes I look at his picture and think "was that all a dream that I got to be around that beautiful creature?". In other ways, it still feels like I could walk into the room and he will be laying there. The non-stop tears have subsided, but they still break out, sometimes at the oddest times. But they've sort of been replaced by this blanket of sadness....this reality that it did happen, he is gone, and nothing will bring him back. So that's how I feel in my worst times...

In my hopeful times, I have all of the thoughts organized in my head....like puzzle pieces I've fit together. And I go "oh, yes, I get it". I get how this was his life....he wasn't taken from us, this was when and how he was supposed to leave this Earth. I get that we received the best gift getting to spend our life with him. I get that the love and affection we had for him overflowed and he felt it all the time...he felt it everyday, during holidays, when new babies were brought in the house, when company was over. All of those typical times when a pet owner would kind of shoo away their animal, we never did. Dakota never dropped down on our priority list. His spot was solid, and we realized that there was nothing that would take it. We get a lot of comfort in that. No regrets, it's a nice feeling.

The other day we found a bag of his snow white, puffy fur in the shed out back. He was just starting to blow his coat for the summer, so that was the beginning of what would have been a LOT of brushing. Little by little, we threw it over the back fence into the large woods, watched it blow away, and sent him back to nature. It gave us such a peaceful feeling that he would return to what was his natural state. That in a short time, he would be feathering the nest of a bird and the baby birds would be comforted by him. That he would be taken off to a bunny's home and be part of that. He truly was a nature dog, and it's where he belongs. Since Dakota left us, there is a bunny that appears in the backyard. He sits so close to the back door and stares in at us. We haven't seen a bunny do that in a LONG time. But here is the bunny, so close, staring in. I know in some ways I could be resentful of the bunny....like it's presence highlights Dakota's absence. But I'm not....he stares in with his large brown eyes, just like my sweet Dakota. And I feel peace. I feel as if it's a message....it's almost him saying "it's o.k., I'm fine, I'm here....where I belong".

I wish that I could retain that feeling always. But ultimately it's like those puzzle pieces fall apart, get jumbled, and that's when I fall apart. And I'll think "uh, I JUST had it". I'm not sure if I will ever truly heal from this....I don't think so. But I have to believe that this is a process....and I'm moving within it, even if I don't feel like I am.

For now though, the bottom line is just that I miss my friend. I miss his velvetty, upright ears....I miss his little mouth that looked like a teddy bear (he never drooled or showed his gums or anything....he really looked like a stuffed animal!)....I miss how warm his stomach felt if you pet it when he was all curled up in his bed....I miss the way I felt when I was around him. I loved him so deeply...and I hope that no matter where he is, he can still feel that. Some people wouldn't understand....but he honestly changed my life, and changed me as a person.

Thank you for listening to me go on so long....this site has been so wonderful...and you all are a blessing. On this two week mark, I would like to again post the words that we feel most describe our Dakota and how we are feeling:


Please don't say "I'm sorry"
'Cause we will never be
We celebrate his beauty
His spirit still runs free
We feel him in the soft breeze
That cooled his upturned face
He's now returned to Nature
It always was his place
When Winter comes, and soft snow falls
That's when we'll feel him most of all...


Hi,I hope you're feeling better today. What a beautiful picture of him!!
Everything you described fits like a glove since I've been feeling pretty much the same way lately. I miss her so much,she too was my buddy,we did everything together,when I was working on my pottery she was right there watching me,or when I was doing something in the kitchen. Today seems to be especially bad,I don't feel like doing anything other than going back to bed.
A lot of different things seem to get to me a lot more than before she passed away.
Sometimes I even resent my neighbors a little for still having their dogs. She really was my best friend since I'm not really that social of a person. I hadn't been to rainbowbridge lately for fear of reliving everything again if that makes any sense.
I know just what you mean by saying that sometimes it feels like years and at others it seems like yesterday that she was laying next to me in bed.
I thought it was such a nice ceremony for you and your husband to let his fluffy white fur return back to nature! And that a bunny has been showing up ever since Dakota left you must be comforting to you.
I hope this particular "blah" phase will pass soon for us!
Annette.
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