CougarsMom
My long-haired cat Cougar has been with me for 14 of his 16 years. He was my best friend, a superb athlete, jumper, and hunter. I lost him to a rapid growing tumor that sprang out of his pancreas. I had no idea. His abdomen swelled up, I took him to the closest animal hospital (my vet was on vacation) and was told that he was definitely going to die, he was suffering, and he needed to be put down right away. Devastated, I called his groomer to find out if she knew a vet who would do an at home euthanasia. She thought Cougar could be saved and sent me to a country vet. That vet pumped 2 liters of fluid out of his tummy (he lost five pounds that day) , diagnosed a tumor with ultrasound, and offered to do surgery tto see if he could be saved. If he couldn't be saved, they wouldn't"wake him up." My choice was euthanasia or a long shot surgery to save a 16 year old cat. I believed so strongly that he would make it that I opted for the surgery. I didn't say goodbye, just kissed his head, told him I loved him and let the vet tech take him. Cougar wouldn't look at me. I felt so sad, but happy that he might get another year or two. I was prepping for work when the vet called me to let me know that a tumor the size a grapefruit had attached itself ti his vital organs. She asked for permission to not wake him up. She asked if I wanted to be there. But I had to go work. HE was unconscious. I was in shock that I'd never see him again. And so my torment began. There is no peace. I just want my cat back. This is the second I lost to cancer. Both were like my children. I lost Jewel, my orange marmalade cat in 2012 to a mammary gland cancer. They were my heart. They slept in my bed and made me laugh and brought me do much joy. I can't understand that they're gone. I want them to come home so badly. I can't understand how two precious souls are gone. Reason and intellect fail. These beautiful, incredible creatures had so much love and intelligence I loved them far more than people. I admit it. If there was a burning building I'd save the cats first without blinking. Judge me if you will. Cats are loyal, loving enigmas. Dogs too. People tell me it's time to get over it. I feel like I lost my child. I don't cry because it hurts too much to even cry. Tomorrow I need to pick up Cougar's ashes. Then it will feel real. And yet, I still want him to come home. I read the posts on this forum and for the first time felt comforted. Your pain I understand. It is the only thing that reaches me. God bless you all.
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catiebee
I am so, so sorry. I have no doubt it is just a terrible, terrible shock. Cancer is a hideous thief. 

And I agree that it is so hard to fathom, having this beautiful, beloved creature, so vital, so alive and then to lose them suddenly. It feels devastating and unfortunately those feelings last a long time.

Cougar's picture is just gorgeous!

I'm sorry that tears aren't a good tool for you. In my case, they brought temporary relief again and again and I feel like they helped me heal.

I hope you will find some comfort in connecting here. My heart goes out to you over your loss.
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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sds
I am so very sorry for your loss.  I understand your desire to have Cougar back.  I still feel that way about my kitty, Scout, and it has been over 6 weeks.  He, too, died more quickly than I was prepared for.  I wish so much for him to still be here.  And I've been racked with feelings of guilt and regret.  Illness, cancer, is so tragic.  It's hard to accept, hard to let go.   I hope you find some moments of rest and light as you move through this difficult time.  My heart goes out to you.  
Sharon
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CougarsMom
I am so, so sorry. I have no doubt it is just a terrible, terrible shock. Cancer is a hideous thief. 

And I agree that it is so hard to fathom, having this beautiful, beloved creature, so vital, so alive and then to lose them suddenly. It feels devastating and unfortunately those feelings last a long time.

Cougar's picture is just gorgeous!

I'm sorry that tears aren't a good tool for you. In my case, they brought temporary relief again and again and I feel like they helped me heal.

I hope you will find some comfort in connecting here. My heart goes out to you over your loss.[/
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Thank you for your kindness and understanding. And I'm so sorry for your loss too. And thank you for reaching out. 
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CougarsMom
Tears came today. I miss my little Cougar. I miss Jewel. This planet seems too big, too cold. My cats loved me. I miss them every day.
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