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Bailey15

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Reply with quote  #31 
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Max and Bailey. You have had so much loss to try and process in a such a short time!
You gave both your boys so much love. Reading about how you let Max put his face out of the window and breathe air; you were able to give him pleasure even on his last car ride. Our babies can become ill so suddenly; before we realize anything is wrong. Please don't blame yourself - Max knew how loved he was and you gave him a wonderful life.

It was so kind for you to take Bailey in and it sounds like he enjoyed every minute of his life with his new family. He chose you! It's so terrible that the dog came around the corner and just grabbed him. That had to be so traumatizing for you but you got Bailey free and to the clinic where he felt safe and cared for. It is so sad that he succumbed to his terrible injuries.

It has to be so very painful losing both your boys in such a short time. I think it's good that you have decided to see a grief counsellor and I hope they can help you. It's also good that you have posted here on this forum. We all understand the pain of having to say good bye to your best friend(s) In your case, losing both your beautiful boys in such a short time is just so unfair! Please post again with an update on how you are doing. My heart goes out to you.
Hugs, MJ ❤️
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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #32 
Lately I've been so consumed with the manner in which Bailey died that I feel Max is being forgotten. Max was my first fur baby and he deserves to be remembered also. Does this make sense to anyone? The way I'm feeling? Both my babies were such an important part of my life and I miss them both so very much.
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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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PeppermintPatty

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Reply with quote  #33 
Hello. I am so sorry for the debilitating pain you are feeling.

Last year, I lost two senior kitties to illnesses within five months of each other. Your story is definitely more devastating, and my heart goes out to you. 

I didn't take care of myself. I didn't care because I grieved in my own way. There didn't seem anyway to go back to "normal." To this day, I can break down in a nanosecond in a sea of tears if I think about it.

Take your time with this. These little angels change our lives in ways we could never anticipate. It's the loss that truly crystalizes this realization.


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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #34 
I stayed home from work today, cannot seem to get my mind straight. Getting used to a routine without my babies is the toughest thing I've ever had to do, and not everyone seems to understand this. People think I'm over my babies dying, how can they think such a thing? Just because I look fine doesn't mean I'm not dying inside. I think about them all day long, missing them, knowing they will not be greeting me at the door when I get home. I miss their barks so much, my house is so quiet and depressing.
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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #35 
I've finally found the courage to upload some of Bailey's pics to his memorial page. My gosh he was so beautiful, inside and out. I am so in love with him, I miss him so much.
IMG_1483.jpg 


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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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Chinadoll

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Reply with quote  #36 
Marlen, thank you for your kind and thoughtful words on my topic for China and Nicky. I went back and read through your story here, my heart breaks for you. The pictures of Max and Bailey are so so cute, I love that breed. I lost both my dogs in 3 months but both were to heart failure, Nicky we had to let go, he was over 17 but China was a very unexpected passing, it just happened in a few hours. But the death of Bailey was so tragic, I can't imagine how I would handle that. I nearly lost our family Schnauzer to a similar incident years ago, but she survived somehow. I know the guilt can be all-consuming but please try not to feel that way. It is so obvious how much you loved and cared for your fur angels, you did all you could do, I have no explanation for what happened. But, I know they do not want you to feel this guilt, they know how much you love them, they are still with you, still loving you. I see how you are conflicted between Max and Bailey but I also understand why. Max understands, he does, illness is a normal occurrence in life, so many have lost their loved ones to some kind of disease, but the sudden tragic loss is so much more difficult to accept. It took me 6 months before I could post here and tell my story, I would come here to try and help others but I could not speak about my loss. Grief affects us in so many ways. I lost weight, couldn't sleep, had days of very high anxiety, couldn't mention their names to anyone other than my wife without crying, I could not see how I was going to get through the loss. Today, a year and a half later I'm in a much better place. I still cry, easily, but it is softer. I talk to them almost every day, it makes me feel better. Losing the routines was maybe one of the most difficult things to get through, it is for everyone. I still have mornings when I wake up and can't believe they are gone but now I understand that this grief will be with me forever but so are the wonderful memories and love they gave me. I made journals of my daily struggle, I made entries about them so I would never forget the little things they did, I still write weekly letters to them, it just makes me feel better. But we all move at different paces with our grief, take your time, only do what you feel you can, don't rush anything. My bond with China was completely different than the one I had with Nicky. I love them both so much, but China was my heart dog, a term I learned later. These bonds are amazing, the love we feel for them is unlike anything else, it is unique, it is special, it is everlasting. I am spiritual, I relied on God to get me through so much of this and I believe I will see all of them again, for eternity. All of creation is so special, I sat nowadays in wonderment at the beauty, the lovely poetry of life. My angels taught me so many things, I am forever grateful. These early months can be so very difficult but there are so many people here who can help, they helped me and I don't know what I would have done without this forum and the friends here. Blessings to you, I will pray for your healing, for peace, I light a candle every Sunday in honor of my little angels, I will remember you and Max and Bailey. God bless you.
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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #37 
Charlie, thank you for your kind words. Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement. The anxiety upon opening my eyes every morning is paralyzing, especially on the weekends. Max and Bailey would both nap at my feet while I drank my coffee. That's all gone now and it is so, so painful. I can't help but wonder if Bailey was my heart dog, although I feel like that would be a betrayal to Max, my first fur baby. I don't know if he was, but he certainly looked at me with such love in his eyes. There are still many feelings I have to sort through, but one thing I do know is that my life will never be the same. I'm sure other babies will come and go, but Max and Bailey are so vey special to me. IMG_2111.jpg
H
ere are both Max and Bailey napping on the recliner at my feet.


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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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Jmtcn

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Reply with quote  #38 
My god I feel so bad for you. I really do. That picture is priceless. You’ve been through too much at once. I’m not doing well and I planned the euthanasia so I had time to get used to the idea but I am in so much pain. I feel so alone because nobody I know understands. I don’t want to get up anymore. It’s too much to have to pretend. My heart truly goes out to you. I can feel how much pain you’re in and I don’t know what to say to help you. I hope you somehow get through this. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #39 
Jmtcn, I have faith we will both get through this awful pain. Whether planned or not, the loss is just so devastating. I took today off from work because I just feel like crying all day. While I was at work Friday I would just hang my head and weep whenever I needed to. Today I just wanted to be alone. I'm sorry you feel so alone, but that's why we are all here, to help each other get through this pain together. No one but only those who have felt the pain really understands the need we feel to grieve for as long as we need to. Thank you for your kind words and prayers. 
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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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Jmtcn

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Reply with quote  #40 
MAIcinder,
Thank you. Use this day to play music and just cry your eyes out. It’s the only relief we get. I have today off also and it feels so good to be alone. My baby is buried near the woods in our backyard and I just pray wherever he is that he’s okay. I keep looking out there and just can’t believe he’s in the ground. I want to hold him so much. Max and Bailey are just so adorable. My heart really goes out to you. All my best... I keep listening to Dark Sky Island by Enya
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Rookiesmama

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Reply with quote  #41 
MAlcindor, I dread going back to work (i'm an elementary teacher, so I need to be happy, right?) mainly because while there are some who get it, the majority don't, and will be insensitive. I actually had an acquaintance tell me sorry the other day, but wanted the details-- and it's not their business! I was so angry!

I love the pictures you posted, your babies are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing them. I have several videos of my Rookie running and being crazy with his ball, and it pains me to watch them, but they're also somehow comforting to see him using all his legs.

Thinking of you
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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #42 
Rookiesmama, I love to see the pictures and videos of my boys, but it is so painful to watch. Here is a quote I found online and it is so accurate:
  • "There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief."
    Aeschylus
I'm sorry some people can be so insensitive, they just don't get it. The first day I went back to work after Bailey passed I had someone stand in my doorway and I know he meant well, but his condolences just went on for too long and I broke down. Everyone in my office knew Bailey because in March I had taken him to work with me because the NaturalK9 store near us was having non-anesthetic dental cleaning and I took Bailey in. He spent the day with me and everyone loved him. Bailey was such a beauty and he was so sweet you could not help but fall in love with him. 

Eventually we must all try to get back to our lives and pretend to be ok, until one day we finally are.  I just wish more people could understand the difficulty our losses represent. 

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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #43 
Marlen,

Reading your story instantly brought tears to my eyes and I cannot really express in words how sorry I am for the loss of your sweet babies. The pic you last posted is absolutely beautiful and shows how very content they were. The quote you wrote is so true. Yesterday I managed for the first time to watch a video of my beloved Max together with a friend and I definitely felt like just that.

Marlen, I can relate to many things you wrote, especially the sleepless nights when I woke up and heard Max walk about even tho he was not here anymore. You wrote that there are still many feelings you have to sort through.... I don't know if this is of any help to you but there come a time when things start to become more clear emotionally and feelings of inner peace will touch your heart when this happens. It does take time, patience, hope and faith all of which is living inside of you.

My heart goes out to you and my good thoughts are with you

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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #44 
Silvia, thank you for your kind words. Every day is such a struggle, and there are moments when I can think of them and not cry, other times are not so great. The emotions are still too raw. I wish time would hurry and pass so this heaviness I feel can go away, or at least lessen.
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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #45 
Marlen, I wish the process would go more quickly, would involve far less suffering. I'm so sorry for your painful load and how excruciatingly hard it is to walk through your grief journey. Hugs to you!
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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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