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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #16 
First day back at work and I feel like a zombie. I know people mean well but every time someone offers me their condolences I breakdown.
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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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Jmtcn

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Reply with quote  #17 
Thank you so much for your kind words. What you went through with Bailey and Max is so tragic. How do you lose two dogs that you love? Bailey looks like my sister’s dog and I used to dog sit him all the time but he died a few years ago. I had so much fun with him. Your grief must be horrific. To have another dog put your dog in his mouth is real trauma and then to lose 2 of them! My heart really goes out to you because I can hardly bear losing one cat. I would be in therapy because it’s too much to process. Thinking of your pain makes my stomach sick. Too too much. Thanks again for your kind words. Have you found your cat yet?
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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #18 
Writing in this forum really helps deal with the grief, thank God I found it. I really thought I would go crazy. It's a shame there are no local support groups to help individuals deal with this particular type of grief that is so intense and unfortunately not recognized my most in our society. But we are doing the only thing we can, connecting with others feeling the same loss, sorrow, anger, pain, suffering, sleeplessness, loss of appetite and for some even the desire to live. I know it's awful but that's how this grief affects us. Every day it gets somewhat easier to deal with but the knot in the stomach preventing nourishment is ever present. I pray for all of us.
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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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asanroja

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Reply with quote  #19 
I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand your pain because I just lost my baby Sunday morning. I sit here reading all the comments and realizing that I’m not alone with this pain in my chest. I know it hurts very much and I don’t understand why fur babies leave us so soon.
My Bella was turning 3 months on Monday and she passed on Sunday. Saturday night she started screaming and I rush her to the ER but they didn’t do anything only gave her pain medication which I think didn’t do anything. Prescribed more pain medication and send me out to my house. I asked the Dr if Bella was going to be ok and dr said yes she will be fine by tomorrow. We left the hospital and at 12:20 am I called ER again to tell them that Bella wasn’t doing good that I thought she needed to go back to ER, but they said she didn’t needed to that she will be ok the next morning.
At 3 am i woke up to touch her and make sure she was breathing. She looked at me and passed. I’m in lots of pain and thinking about what I did or I didn’t do to help her. I feel that I cannot continue this life without her. All I do is cry and think about her.
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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #20 
Asanroja, I read your reply and I cry. Seems like the only thing I want to do lately is cry, cry, cry, and cry some more. I still can't talk about what happened to my boys without tearing up or just balling. It is unbearable, some days are so much worse than other though, and I don't know why.

I am so sorry you had to go through something so painful. It's human nature to second guess our decisions when something so awful happens, but what's done is done and you cannot change it. That's where the anger, resentment, and guilt come in. Somehow we have to find the strength to move forward and eventually open up our hearts to another furbaby. The pain will subside with time, we will never forget our babies, whether they were with us just one month or 18 years, the pain is the same. I hope you find peace and can slowly regain your strength to think about your baby without crying, but with a smile.

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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #21 
Jmtcn, Yes! My son found my cat. I was the happiest I have been in at least a month. Thank God she is ok! I was ready to hit the street with the posters but I had asked my fur angels to help me get their kitty sister back and they answered. Luna is safe. Today I made an appointment for next week with a grief counselor because I feel I can't move froward from my pain. I hope it helps, I will let you know.
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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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Jmtcn

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Reply with quote  #22 
I am so happy to hear your cat is okay! Thank goodness! I am also glad to hear you’re going to a counselor. I have been to counseling in the past and it helped so much. I really think you’ve been through too much. There’s grieving but the trauma is what you have to process correctly. I really wish the best for you. Let me know how your doing. Lots of hugs!
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Sil

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Reply with quote  #23 
MAlcindor,

Very happy that you found your Luna.  And, good for you that you are seeking professional help. This grief is very tough, plus you "witnessed" a very tragic event. Prayers and hugs.
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clevymd

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Reply with quote  #24 
Glad you have Luna back.  I also have had to be back to work, just 5 days after losing Jasmine, and two weeks since Zoe.  I tear up when anyone offers sympathy, and will suddenly have a thought and have to get away from people to get control.  One of my co workers who lost her beloved dog to cancer a few months ago, sent me an oak tree seedling and a rose bush to commemorate my girls.  Another co worker who lost her dog, Rascal, two years ago, stepped up to work a shift for me the day after Jasmine had died.  I am fortunate to work with many people who have dogs in their families and understand the depth of my loss.  
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Carole, Mom to Zoe, who crossed the bridge on 7/5/18, Jasmine, who crossed on 7/14/18, and Layla, on 12/1/18, all will forever be in my heart, and ongoing mom to Roxie.

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/ZOE085/Resident.htm
https://www.RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JASMI151/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/LAYLA022/Resident.htm
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Sil

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Reply with quote  #25 
clevymd,

I can relate.....at work, I need to "summon" all my acting skills and be in "control" - not an easy task.  Both of your losses are so recent....my heart understands your pain.
Having people who understand this type of loss, is a blessing.  Because, as we all know, "there are those who just don't get it".....

I am asking your sweet babies, to let their spirits surround you, to let their love heal your broken love and never leave it.  Prayers and Hugs
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Jmtcn

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Reply with quote  #26 
I hate going to work right now. I take care of people and no one understands that I need some care too. Just kind words would do wonders. My mind has been elsewhere and it’s frowned upon. I need time to grieve as we all do on here. My family doesn’t understand either. They don’t live at home anymore so they don’t know just how strong our bond was. I just want some time. I needed to vent that! Thanks for listening.
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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #27 
I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, but I get nervous when bed time rolls around. I fear the thoughts that plaque me at night. I'm not afraid of crying, which I do every single day, multiple times, it's just the loneliness I feel and the depression which seems to have such a strong grip on me right now. Waking up in the morning my first thought is about my babies and it just sets the tone for the morning. Today it's been a whole week since I lost Bailey and 5 weeks since losing Max. I am so so sad. 
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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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clevymd

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Reply with quote  #28 
Bed time is so different for me now.  Jasmine had an internal clock and 9 pm was bedtime. She would want to go out for her bathroom needs, then would have a snack and night time meds, drink a bowl of water, then I would guide her up the steps to her area in my room that was just for her.  I had a soft sheet on the carpet, a fan, and some pillows around the wall to keep her from bumping her nose.  I also had folding gates to keep her separate and safe from the other dogs.  I would have to spread some peanut butter on Zoe's bowl to keep her busy while I got the other dogs upstairs to my room, otherwise she would run up the steps and stand at the top, growling and snarling at us, to try and prevent us from passing her.  It was a big process!  

I used to be able to let Zoe come in, once I had the other girls settled, and she would snuggle up with me, although she didn't always want to be petted.  She'd put her head on me and sometimes let me pet her, and we had some good times.  In the last few months, she would lie down at the bottom of the bed on the floor and keep Roxie and Layla away by snarling/growling/lunging at them, so then I had to keep her out of my room.  She would sleep with my daughter instead, the last few weeks she was alive, which was good, because I didn't want her to be alone.  It was weird, she wanted to be with us and would cry to get in, but then her behavior would be so bad to us, I'd have to kick her out.  

I miss hearing Jasmine snore.  She was noisy, first chewing her paws and panting for a while, then she'd get up and do a few turns before settling down to sleep.  She was also a big burper and farter!  She'd have dreams and cry out.  I always hoped that in her dreams, she could see and hear clearly.  I'd get out of bed and pet her until she went back to sleep.  

Zoe would have dreams and twitch her paws.  She sometimes would sleep on her back with her paws in the air.  It would be so tempting to rub her belly, but she'd wake up and growl/snarl at me, so I learned to just let her be.  

I have actually been taking some Benadryl to make sure I sleep, otherwise I know I would be tossing and turning.  

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Carole, Mom to Zoe, who crossed the bridge on 7/5/18, Jasmine, who crossed on 7/14/18, and Layla, on 12/1/18, all will forever be in my heart, and ongoing mom to Roxie.

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/ZOE085/Resident.htm
https://www.RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JASMI151/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/LAYLA022/Resident.htm
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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #29 
Your Jasmine reminds me of my Max. 9 pm on the dot he knew it was bedtime. He'd come get me and lead me to his bed or the front door if he had to potty. Since was as one year old he knew his bedtime. God how I miss him! Bailey was a different story, he knew 9 pm was the time to act all cute and cuddly because he hated bedtime. I always put them to bed at the same time though, until Max passed, then I wanted to spend as much time with Bailey as possible so I began to take him to bed at 11. 
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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #30 
Clevymd, I can only imagine how rough her aggression had to be on everyone in the household. You must have felt powerless. So sorry you had to go through that.
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          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

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