Forum
Sign up Calendar Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 1 of 37      1   2   3   4   Next   »
MAlcindor

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 974
Reply with quote  #1 
On June 1, 2018 I got home from work to find my Shih Tzu Max running to me down the driveway limping not being able to use one of his hind legs. I brought him in the house, put him on the couch and noticed he couldn't keep his eyes open. In a panic I began searching for 24 pet emergency clinics. Max is the first dog I ever owned and never once in his 8 years did I need to take him to an emergency clinic so I was clueless. My husband and I scooped him up and headed with Max and our other dog Bailey to the emergency vet clinic in Kendall. they performed a physical, gave me pain medication and told me to take him to his vet on Monday. To make a long story short, visits to an ophthalmologist, his vet, another animal hospital, and endless medications, Max never got better. I came home on June 13 to find Max labor breathing and looking not like himself. My husband and I rushed him to another emergency vet clinic. On the way there I could look  at Max and know he was not going to make it. My heart was breaking and panic started to set in. The dreaded moment I refused to even consider was obviously inevitable and I though I would lose my mind. On the way to the clinic Max wanted to stick his head out the car window and I held him up so he could feel the breeze on his face one last time. My spirit died on the way to that hospital. At 8:30 Max passed away. My first ever fur baby was gone and I did not know how to deal with it. The night Max died I got home and I did not even know how to deal with Bailey (who found us as a stray in April 2014), as Max had always been there as his big brother. 

Guilt riddled me for weeks, what if I had taken him to the vet earlier? How could I not know he was sick? What kind of a mother was I not to know my baby may have been suffering? I couldn't bear the guilt. I looked to Bailey for comfort and I promised to be the best mom to Bailey that I could ever be. Since the house felt so empty without Max on the weekends I began taking Bailey on outings to the beach, car rides. I basically took him everywhere with me, even shopping.

On July 12 when I got home from work it was raining so I couldn't immediately take Bailey out for his walk. Once the rain stopped I put the leash on him and headed outside. I should have looked out my blinds before going out and maybe I would have seen the other dog outside. As soon as I went down the front steps of my house the Rottweiler I had not seen came around the corner, I tried to pull Bailey up into my arms but the dog was quicker than me. He had Bailey in his mouth and I thought I would go insane hearing Bailey's cries. I punched, kicked, screamed as I never though I could scream and finally he let Bailey go. I ran inside screaming like a lunatic my mind racing 500 mph. I grabbed kitchen towels, wrapped them around Bailey, grabbed my keys, my phone, bag and ran outside. I was home alone and couldn't drive because I was trying to keep pressure on Bailey's wounds. Thank God my neighbor was outside and his wife drove me to the pet clinic. They stabilized Bailey but had me take him to another clinic better equipped to care for his injuries.

The next morning I called the clinic and they told me Bailey was deteriorating but was still breathing normal. I ran to the clinic and wanted to see him but decided not to so that he wouldn't get too excited as he needed to stay calm, he had two broken ribs, and other internal injuries. I left the clinic to go back home. As soon as I got home the clinic called me to tell me Bailey had passed. I thought I would go insane. How could this happen again? How am I supposed to deal with all this pain? I don't know what to do! How can I process another loss when Max's death is still so fresh?

Bailey.jpg
 My beautiful Bailey
FullSizeRender.jpg 
My beautiful Max



__________________
          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

0
camunki

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 1,104
Reply with quote  #2 
I am so sorry and don't even have words to say for all that has happened in such a close period of time. My heart truly breaks for you.

I do know too that this path called grieving is a long hard road......and I am sure you will consume your mind with guilt, i know I did, i think that is the way we act and the could haves, would haves and should haves come into play. 

The pictures of your Bailey and Max are absolutely beautiful, and I know that right now you must be in so much pain and heartbreak, and I could not even imagine how you feel. I do know that I lost my Jemma, Munki and Daizy all within a 22 month period and that was very hard to deal with.

Please know you are not alone...there are so many caring wonderful people on this website all here for the same purpose.

Please keep talking about your Bailey and Max, it does help.......and again, I am so very sorry for such a heartbreaking loss and in such a close period of time.

((((hugs)))))

__________________

Cam


 
0
MAlcindor

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 974
Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you for your kind words Cam. Definitely beating myself up and the tears are nonstop. One can't help but ask why? The grief hits me at times like a sledgehammer and is paralyzing. I still haven't been able to put away or throw away the crackers I was sharing with Bailey right before I took him outside. 

So sorry for your loss. No amount of time takes away the pain, I know that. Mornings and evenings are the worst for me. It's the first time in 8 years there's no one to take out for potty. No playing tug of war. No buying treats, toys, dog food. The house is so quiet which is a constant reminder. I wish I could take back all the "please Max stop barking", "Bailey, why did you pee on the floor?" 



__________________
          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

0
catiebee

Registered:
Posts: 1,118
Reply with quote  #4 
Oh my goodness. What a nightmare you've been through and are still surviving! I'm so so sorry for your losses.  Two losses in a row must feel unbearable in itself and I cannot imagine all the grief and array of feelings over the violent way Bailey was taken from you. 

I wish there was something, anything I could say that would help relieve your pain, but I know there isn't. But my heart goes out to you very very much! Take care of you in these awful early days of loss. 

__________________
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
0
MAlcindor

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 974
Reply with quote  #5 
Catie, I cry as I read the replies to my post. But the crying is therapeutic. Friends and family don't understand the depth of my despair. Unless you have lost a beloved pet, one cannot understand the deep pain that is felt.

Since you are in this forum I know you have also experienced a loss and I am so sorry. I will try to take care of myself, it is difficult though.





__________________
          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

0
catiebee

Registered:
Posts: 1,118
Reply with quote  #6 
I am so sorry your loved ones don't understand. I hope you will come across someone or someones in your local world who get it.  I don't know whether there are any grief support groups or whether it may help to call a dog-loss hotline. I think it can be therapeutic to be able to share your story and receive some compassion over it. 

Eating, sleeping, functioning in general can be difficult for awhile, unfortunately. My heart aches, knowing you're walking out such a tremendously painful journey.

__________________
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
0
MAlcindor

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 974
Reply with quote  #7 
Thank you again for your compassion Catie. I have reached out to someone whom I hope will be able to help me find a grief support group locally. Knowing I can vent here helps me very much.
__________________
          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

0
catiebee

Registered:
Posts: 1,118
Reply with quote  #8 
That sounds good. And I hope you will write here as much and as often as you need to. 

Our local library had a surprising number of books about grieving for pets. Might be another small resource.

__________________
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
0
clevymd

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 56
Reply with quote  #9 
So sorry to hear of your losses.  We also have lost two dogs in 8 days, one from a sudden and devastating illness, and one due to worsening aggression.  We dearly loved both and it's just so difficult to cope with one death, monumental to deal with two.  It does help to talk about our grief and to reminisce about our fur babies here.  I am trying to focus on the good memories instead of the guilt and regret.  I think to myself that my girls know they were loved, and that I gave them the best lives I could, and that the time I had with them mattered.  They are free from all pain and worries now and if they could express the thought, I know they would not want me to feel badly and would want me to remember the good times and the love.  I hope you, and we all, can do that eventually.
__________________
Carole, Mom to Zoe, who crossed the bridge on 7/5/18, Jasmine, who crossed on 7/14/18, and Layla, on 12/1/18, all will forever be in my heart, and ongoing mom to Roxie.

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/ZOE085/Resident.htm
https://www.RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JASMI151/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/LAYLA022/Resident.htm
0
MAlcindor

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 974
Reply with quote  #10 
I'll make sure and seek out literature about grieving for pets. It is going to be a very long and torturous road, but at the end I hope to be able to look at their pictures and videos and not feel as if my chest is being weighed down by a 500 lb boulder. 



__________________
          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

0
Sil

Registered:
Posts: 526
Reply with quote  #11 
MAIcindor,

My heart breaks for your loss of Max and Bailey.  I wish, I could heal your heart....I wish I could heal our hearts.  In this forum we all have lost a beloved pet...perhaps, under different circumstances, but the pain is the same.  You loved these two beautiful fur babies, you shared a profound and deep bond with them.  
Max got sick and you did everything under your power to save him.  These fur creatures have this "ability" to hide pain and medical conditions so well, that is hard to detect any problems...sometimes, we "catch" their illness on time and other times....we cannot save them. 

Bailey, I am very sorry, for his "tragic" passing - and this is what makes me mad,  -

As Pets Owners, We Must be Responsible.  We Cannot Inflict Pain/Harm To Another Pet And Its Owner. - Sorry, I am not helping you...but, this makes me mad.

In this forum, you will find a community of people with, compassion, empathy and ready to listen and give you support.  You are not alone.  Prayers and Hugs 
0
MAlcindor

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 974
Reply with quote  #12 
Carole, I know no amount of time makes the pain go away. So sorry you are having to deal with similar circumstances. Sometimes I feel the pain is unbearable. 

Thank you for sharing the links to your fur babies memorials.

__________________
          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

0
MAlcindor

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 974
Reply with quote  #13 
Sil,

The rage I felt that day was blinding and the anger has not gone away. Why did that awful attack happen to my beautiful Bailey.

Bailey was a stray who waltzed into our lives on April 13, 2014. Walked into my mom's house as if he lived there. We tried everything to find his owners but couldn't find them. I took him to the vet, no chip so I kept him, took him home and Max became his big brother. He had such a special spunky spirit. We always had trouble keeping him contained and if he was let out without a leash in the yard he would find any way he could to escape. He was a little terror that way. He ran away several times but we would always find him. As small as he was he was a dog's dog, and he thought himself to be ten feet tall. He was fearless. My fear always was that if he ran away he would be hit by a car or that bigger dogs would kill him. All my attempts to keep him safe were fruitless. Yes, I am so very angry and the "why's" and "what ifs" are endless. 

Thank you for your words and I wish I could heal us all also. It is such terrible pain, our babies mean so much to us.

__________________
          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

0
Sil

Registered:
Posts: 526
Reply with quote  #14 
MAIcintor,

What happened to Bailey, just brought back memories of a recent incident.  About two months ago, I was with my puppy in front of my home, and a neighbor's pit bull was on the "loose", this pit bull just "raced" towards us.  Luckily, I was a few feet away from our door gate, and was able to run inside.....

Bailey, had a "wanderer/conqueror" spirit, he wanted to explore the world.  It is really hard to "contain" an explorer.  The only thing, I could say is -
Your two fur babies are together, to keep one another company.  Again, I am so sorry for your loss of your two fur babies.  Hugs  

0
MAlcindor

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 974
Reply with quote  #15 
Thank you Sil.

It's unfortunate that not all pet owners are responsible. Bailey's death makes no sense to me.

Thank you for your kind words, and yes, I do believe my fur babies are together and will be waiting for me when it is my time to go.

Please stay safe.

__________________
          Marlen
(Max & Bailey's mommy)

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MAX42339/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BAILE490/Resident.htm

0
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.