LindaT
I lost my furbaby three weeks ago and am struggling. My kitty lived to be 20 years old.

I rescued her when she was about 5 weeks old.  She was too little to come home with me as she was a bottle baby so she came home with me 3 weeks later. For 20 years, she was my companion, my best friend, my family, my confidant.. my everything . I am not married, I have no children and few friends.  I spent 90% of my time with her over the past 20 years.

She had never had any health issues until she was 18 1/2.. I was very lucky.  At that time, she had some back issue going on, kept her crated for three weeks, and she was better.  She never was as energetic after that and I could see sometimes she was uncomfortable,, not in pain, just not 100%. She spent a lot of time on the heater vent in winter as it helped I guess. She also had some minor kidney issues so she got special food

In June, she had a recurrence of the back issue.  The emergency  vet had same protocol as last time.. meds for pain for a few days, then she needed to be kept in a contained area to heal. Only thins time, things didn't go well.  Her minor kidney issues had gotten worse and she had an enlarged heart.  I was able to give her Sub Q fluids at home, but she went downhill fast.  The new vet I took her to thinks she never had a back problem, but was throwing clots.  I knew what that meant to her life and her quality of life... two clots in 3 weeks time, meant this would keep happening, even if she survived surgery to remove the clot she had. I knew she would never survive surgery at her age and even if she did,  more clots would come soon.  I made the last decision as her Mama to take care of her and help her go to the Rainbow Bridge.  Yes  stayed with her when they did this... she needed the comfort of me there as she left the earth

I have cried every day about her.. not all day and I am functioning somewhat, but I am struggling.  This has left a huge hole in my life.  As I said, I spent 90% of my time with her.  What do I do now?  How do I live my life?  What do I do with   myself?  I am feeling so so lost 

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Zooni's Mama
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Jan_H
I am so very sorry for your loss of your beautiful, precious girl, Zooni. Clearly you took very good care of her. Twenty years is a long life for a cat. But I know right now it was not long enough.

There are many wonderful, understanding and compassionate people here. We are here because we are experiencing or have experienced a similar pain. I hope we can help you through this difficult time.

Jan
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Memories_of_Marmalade

Dear Linda,

I am so sorry and saddened to read of your loss. Welcome to this forum. There are some very compassionate, empathetic, wise, loving & yes, even witty people here (we could all do with a laugh when possible, and it does happen here, usually when we reminisce together about our little ones who have their own silly quirks and behaviors.)

Your Zoonie certainly was a looker. What a beauty. And your carpet plays well off of her coloring and markings in that photo as you know. : )

I know it is no consolation, that your beloved lived 20 years, but that IS an extraordinary achievement regardless and a testament of how well you took care of her. I have never had the incredible good fortune of knowing a cat for that extended period of time, during my lifetime. It must be a remarkable experience! Although "Forever" would still not be enough time with our little loved ones.

I hope you continue to take things moment by moment, minute by minute, day by day, week by week and yes even month by month or year by year until you are fully healed and recover. It will take time as we all know, and each of us has to come to terms with our losses. There is no precise timeline on grief as you know. But I hope that someday soon, all that shall remain of when you think of your Zooni are all the good memories. The loving, happy and most cherished ones.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James


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Sara_ballarin
Hi Linda, I'm Sara and I'm almost in the same situation as you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Twenty years is a life together, I can imagine how hard it is. I don't know if my story can help you out dealing with your pain. Knowing that someone like you, even if I don't know you, is experiencing something similar to me, makes me feel less alone.
Monday I lost my best friend I lived with for almost 18 years. In September she would have turned 18 and I was so looking forward to that. I found her in December 2001 she was tiny and stubborn, a grey, elegant and beautiful Carthusian cat. She filled my life with love and stubbornness!
Last December the vet found out about a kidney disease and after that it was just one after the other. Last March she was fine, we were dealing with the disease and she was stable. She went downstairs in the garden, another cat almost killed her. In the same I was finding out I was pregnant.
Saturday the 4th of May the vet said that the kidneys were not working anymore and that she wouldn't be able to see Sunday. But she made it! She was strong and love can do miracles! She recovered from that but couple of weeks later she had an ischaemia, she couldn't see properly anymore and she started to be scared of the male cat and decided to move in the baby bedroom. There she stayed until Monday when she passed away. I'm not looking for compassion but I'm sick of people saying "she was a cat, you're pregnant you have something more important". My loss is big, she was my family for long time, when my dad passed away, for few years I was leaving alone and the relationship with my mum wasn't great. It is difficult to be without her, I see her everywhere, I just missed her a lot.
Zooni is there looking at you with the same love and affection she had for those 20 years together. Be strong, think about the beautiful time you have spent together, collect photos and videos of her, make a book. I really wanted my son to meet her and I was praying for this to happen. But it didn't. So I'm preparing a a child's good night book with tales about Asia, photos and drawings. That's maybe my way to keep her alive and not thinking the very last moment when I saw her falling asleep forever.
Lots of love Linda.
Sara
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TyTy
I too had TyTy for quite a few years but most of us never think that day will ever come. It does and life shows up. I believe the more we grieve for our lost loved ones it just goes to shows how much we loved our pets. I've learned from being in recovery to take it a day at a time or sometimes a minute at a time. it's been exactly one week today for me and I still tear up on occasions. That's good I tell myself. Eventually, as time passes, I'll be more accepting of my lost bit until that day happens I just retreat to a quite place (my car works great) and allow myself to grieve. They say it gets better so hang in there. Show your emotions. Don't be afraid to cry. Crying allows the body to go through the grieving process.
Maybe, as a suggestion, you get another pet and start a new traditional with you and your son. Hugs Mike
Mike
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LindaT
Thank you for your comments.  I have good days and bad. Friday and Saturday were bad as I picked up the cremains on Friday and today is starting out sad as well.  I havent gotten to the point yet where happy memories come first. I hope to some day
Zooni's Mama
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Tallulahs_mom
I am so sorry you are hurting. As I have to let my sweet Tallulah go today I understand. My heart breaks for you. I have tried to make peace with this, but this little girl saved my life when she came into it and I have spent everyday trying to give her the best life ever. I just can’t imagine that tonight I have to say goodbye and tomorrow she won’t be here...
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Linda,

One day at a time sweetheart. I too am still grieving and it will be 10 weeks this coming Thursday. As sad as it was and is, I am glad my boy's (my cat Marmalade's) ashes are will me now. I display them on my nightstand. I tell him "Good morning" each day and "Goodnight" every evening and touch base with him at times. And I tell him how my day went. And I tell him "how sorry I am that I made the final decision that I made", and "how much I love and miss him." It is strange, but somehow comforting. At times I can still feel his energy / presence where we lived. I miss him so. I broke down again crying once this past weekend. I am just allowing those tears to flow and releasing that negative grieving energy. It is from the transfer of negative energy that I absorbed from him, when I chose to end his pain & suffering. I am processing it, as we all are here.

I hope you continue to just travel through time and continue to heal. Please remember that you are not alone. We are all with you in spirit.

Kind regards,
James
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Laura,

You wrote:

"But this little girl saved my life when she came into it."

Same here. And the same with so many other members. I find it truly remarkable how our little friends can have such dramatic and positive impacts on our lives. My cat Marmalade absolutely saved my life countless times. And I saved his. We had a mutual admiration society of just he and I. Just 2 members. And that is all we ever needed or wanted. We didn't seek out any new members. : )

Our pet's truly do show us a much purer & higher form of love. They do not plot against us, betray us, lie to us, gossip about us, judge us, or insult us. They are far more noble than the average human being. This is why they are quite often grieve more deeply by us, than we grieve for even close family members and friends. Our pet's have earned that high level of grief.

James
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