TuckersBuddy
I am new to this forum and want to share my story. It helps me to share my story and I hope maybe it might help others.

I lost my buddy Tucker 3 weeks tomorrow. Tucker came into our lives almost 4 years ago because he lost his previous mom from cancer. Tucker was 8 years old when we got him and full of life. He was so loving and sweet, he would sit next to my wife and I and give us kisses and lay his head on us (giving us hugs). Tucker also became Harley's brother and they both grew to love each other and never left each others sides.

About a week and a half before Tucker passed away he became sick from what we were told was a bacterial infection in his lungs. When he first started getting sick I heard him breathing a bit faster and louder than normal but I shrugged it off and thought it was a mild cold or something. Over the next few days he progressively started getting worse but we didn't know until one morning he could barely make it up the stairs and then threw up when he came inside. We took Tucker into the vet and at the vets he was examined and received chest x-rays and blood work. The doctor didn't seem very positive about the condition Tucker was in. He said the x-rays look like either cancer or bronchitis but wasn't 100% sure. The reason he thought it might have been cancer was because we found a small tumor on his leg back in November. The vet diagnosed with pneumonia because a specialist said the x-rays looked more like bronchitis. We received antibiotics and some other medication for his eyes (red and inflamed) and were on our way home. Tucker didn't get any better 24-48 hours after he started the antibiotics. He wasn't eating as much and was very lethargic. His respiration were constantly high and he was having trouble breathing. Day three after coming back from the vets Tucker had a difficult time breathing to the point where he couldn't get comfortable. We took him in to the emergency vet and they placed him inside an oxygen tank. We had more tests done (x-ray, ultrasound, blood work, etc...). None of the testing gave us real answers to what was going on. Tucker was in the oxygen tank for 3 days. Everyday he was in there we visited him twice a day and brought him his favorite treats. It was so difficult to see him there and it broke our hearts. I prayed and hoped that he was going to get better and come home. The 3rd day the vet told us that he wasn't doing very well even inside the oxygen tank. I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to give him more time hoping that maybe he just needed one more day. My wife and I spent a lot of money to keep him there as long as we could but we couldn't do it... Tucker couldn't do it. It was hard for me to let him go and I was willing to max out all my credit cards just to buy more time, even if it was one more day. However, the prognosis wasn't good and the doctors did not have much hope. We brought Tucker home on his last few hours with us. We wanted him to be at home next to us and his brother. My sisters my mom and my wife and I all sat by his side for his last moments. It was extremely difficult. I didn't want to say goodbye but at this point it was me wanting him and me being selfish. Tuckers body couldn't take anymore and it was just his time. I comforted him and told him how much of a good boy he was and that we were going to see him again, he looked at me in the eye and I will never forget it, it was as if he knew and he was saying goodbye to me.

Over the next week I cried everyday and everything reminded me of him. Every time I let Harley out to go potty or feed him, I thought of Tucker. I saved all his toys, bowls, leashes, collars, and set them in a tub. I didn't want Harley laying on his bed because I didn't want Tuckers smell to go away. I wanted to preserve everything that reminded me of him because I was scared he was going to fade away from my memories.

My heart still aches in an indescribable way and I start to tear up every time I think about him. I look at his pictures and videos on my phone every night before I go to bed. Even though it hurts and deeply saddens me I have hope and I know I will see him again. I know he will be waiting for me in heaven and that gives me peace. It also give me comfort knowing that we gave Tucker a great second life. He met his brother and our adventures together are memorable. After loosing Tucker, I asked God why he took him from us, I was angry and in disbelief. However, my heart has changed and now I thank God for giving us Tucker and the precious time we had together. Last week we got another puppy. At first I felt kind of guilty because it felt so soon but I knew that it wasn't going to make me forget about Tucker. Getting a puppy is just starting a new chapter, a new adventure and giving Harley and us another family. Our new addition has helped our grieving and brings us happiness but I still feel void and emptiness. When I look at Harley, I wonder if he is thinking about Tucker too. Tucker was the sweetest boy, he was so loving and was our angel sent from heaven.. I will miss him so much. 

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7-17-2006 ~ 3-4-2018
Tucks ~ You will always be on my mind, in my heart, and by my side. 
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CK1991
TuckersBuddy,
Your story is a beautiful one. You took Tucker in and loved him after he lost his mom and I can tell how close you were. I don't think we are even really ready for that diagnosis that they are not going to get better. I'm so sorry you lost him. I'm sure he was saying good bye for now and even thanking you when he started into your eyes. I'm so sorry for your loss! I am also wondering how Harley is doing. You said they were best buddies so he has to be feeling a great sense of loss. Harley will need a lot of attention from you to help with his grief and also reassurance (now that you've decided to get a new puppy) that he is still an important member of the family. It will all work out although I think you may need some time to just be by yourself and mourn your very handsome boy, Tucker. I wish you all the best!
CK
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TuckersBuddy
Thank you for your response CK. Harley really hasn't been himself since we lost Tucker. He is a bit more quieter and sometimes seems depressed. We try to give him extra love and attention and thought that giving him a new friend would help but it hasn't. Harley seems to have socialization issues because he wasn't exposed to other dogs when he was a puppy. It took him a few weeks to a month to get close to Tucker but after he did he they were always next to each other. Perhaps getting a puppy was too soon and it was another thing that I wanted and not something that was best for the dog (Harley). I hope that in time he will have the same kind of brotherhood he had with Tucker.
Tucks ~ You will always be on my mind, in my heart, and by my side. 
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catiebee
I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious Tucker. The grief hurts for a long, long time.   I'm so glad you have the joy of a new pup in your home. Thank you for sharing your and Tucker's story.

I'm sorry, too, that Harley is struggling. I hope he will bond with the new puppy as time goes on and that he will perk up soon.

Wishing you comfort and strength in these tough days.
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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