Thank you Patches Mum for your encouraging words. They help me to keep moving. Yes I am enjoying happy thoughts here and there - not sure I’m further along than you. I don’t feel like I’m in hell, it’s more of a sad reality. I still cry daily but I am not in that constant loop of self-punishment. I miss her sooo much and probably will continue to do so. I decided I just don’t want her existence to end up being disrespected or denied. I want to it to be that I learned from her little being to be a better me. You will feel better in time. Since you loved patches so much I’m sure the pain is terrible but with each passing day, you won’t feel as horrible. It’ll come bit by bit.
Thank you EM for your understanding words. Even up to 2 weeks ago I would’ve protested your guidance to not hold grudges with other animals. But you’re right, they go by their instincts. I think as I continue to grow and understand this world a little better and accept that God has plans that I don’t necessarily agree with, I’ll %100 forgive myself, my partner, and pitty. I was reading a quote that said “heaven is full of people who have forgiven themselves, hell is full of people who have not.” I hope you allow yourself more time and opportunities to get reprieve from anymore guilt or regret. Our babies don't want us spending lots of time on that.
Prayers to both of you, that you heal, that you have more laughter and less tears in time.