I am so glad you found this forum as you navigate through your grief. If can be overwhelming and there is no way through but just to push through each day and we are all here it help. We have all in in your place and are at different points in our loss and grieving process. I am over one year out from the loss of my dear, sweet Daisy; an indeterminate mix of small white curly cuteness who we rescued at a local shelter 10 years ago. (I will amend that as I think she really rescued me.) She was my best friend and constant companion. Her loss was sudden and absolutely devastating. My youngest child of three had just graduated high school and all my kids we off beginning their adult lives when Daisy fell ill. From the time of her 1st symptoms to her death was a matter of two weeks, but her condition was terminal and we had no choice but to help her pass. It was the last kindness I could give to her and held her close as she quietly passed in my arms whispering in her beautiful gray ears about all the adventures we had and finally told her she had completed her life's mission; she loved and was deeply loved in return. I, like you, felt completely lost. I don't remember much from last summer except the days were long and despite my family, I felt completely alone. I found this forum and the support I needed. I began to consider adopting again as emotionally I was a wreck without Daisy's calming presence. I never thought of her as an emotional support dog, but she was. I focused my energy on searching for a dog who would need me as much as I needed her, though I think in the beginning I was searching for Daisy like I had dome almost a decade previous. I went through shelters and countless rescues. It was frustrating as I was not getting anywhere and I did not feel I was getting any support from my family and my depression worsened. When I opened up a thread on this forum "Adoption After Loss" I finally found the support I needed. There were failed adoptions, I was turned down by so many (competition in the North East can be fierce) and a lot of heartbreak. I was ready to give up when I read a face book post about an 8 week old puppy in need of a home. Her breed and size fit me perfectly and fee was not too bad. She was the last of an "oops" litter from a non-breeder. Four days later I met her at my vet, complete with her human and doggie Mom and Dad. I wept openly when they put my Luna, a tiny 4 lb bundle of silky soft fluff in my arms for the first time. It was very hard at first and not an immediate bond between Luna and I. But we slogged through potty training, her shots, getting spayed, puppy classes and the day to day care. And gradually I just fell completely in love with my funny, sweet, loving, spunky, little girl. I wake up every morning and am so happy to see her. She is amazing and already in training to be a therapy dog as she seems to have the temperament. She will be 1 year old at the end of the month and I have no regrets in opening my heart and home to another dog. Grief is hard. Though I fiercely love Luna, I also love and miss Daisy everyday, but I am thankful for the grief because it was preceded by such love. Day to day it is a struggle and there is no time limit to your grief. It is your journey. But face each day and each emotion with honesty; cry, remember and love. You will never forget Peanut...he is always with you. I guess my experience has lead me to believe that there are many souls for us to love in this life of ours. Dogs, cats, people, any soul who needs a kind, loving home and heart. Your life is a precious gift and the love you have can make a huge difference to another soul. But you will never know what joys and love are waiting to be discovered unless you continue on your journey and open your heart. Reach out whenever you need support...
Lori, Daisy's Mom and now Luna's Mom