Apo181dsdc Show full post »
redgirlraven
Yes I think it was Jackie where I got the number from originally. It was helpful for me to talk to someone as everyone around me just doesn’t get it. I am so grateful this site exists or I don’t know if I would be here right now. But it did help to actually give a voice to my grief that I have to hide everyday to be socially acceptable at work etc.
AR
Quote 0 0
Memories_of_Marmalade


This song really applies to what some of us are feeling. Written by Hayley Williams of Paramore after her break-up with her husband and decline in her mental health.

The music video is linked at the bottom.

Fake Happy

Paramore
I love making you believe
What you get is what you see
But I'm so fake happy
I feel so fake happy
And I bet everybody here
Is just as insincere
We're all so fake happy
And I know fake happy

I been doing a good job of makin' 'em think
I'm quite alright
But I hope I don't blink
You see its easy when I'm stomping on a beat
But no one sees me when I crawl back underneath

If I smile with my teeth
Bet you believe me
If I smile with my teeth
I think I believe me

Oh please don't ask me how I've been
Don't make me play pretend
Oh no, oh what's the use

Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too
And if I go out tonight, dress up my fears
You think I'll look alright with these mascara tears?
See I'm gonna draw my lipstick wider than my mouth
And if




Quote 0 0
Apo181dsdc
Thanks everyone. The story about that girl is awful and I hope nothing happened to her. I don’t want to get to that point which is why I found this site. I am not the most social person so figuring out what to say can be hard but it has been a bright spot in such a depressing time.

And thank you redgirlraven. I will try that hotline.
Quote 0 0
Lrogers424
Hi Nicole,

I am so glad you found this forum as you navigate through your grief.  If can be overwhelming and there is no way through but just to push through each day and we are all here it help.  We have all in in your place and are at different points in our loss and grieving process.   I am over one year out from the loss of my dear, sweet Daisy; an indeterminate mix of small white curly cuteness who we rescued at a local shelter 10 years ago.  (I will amend that as I think she really rescued me.)  She was my best friend and constant companion.  Her loss was sudden and absolutely devastating.  My youngest child of three had just graduated high school and all my kids we off beginning their adult lives when Daisy fell ill. From the time of her 1st symptoms to her death was a matter of two weeks, but her condition was terminal and we had no choice but to help her pass.   It was the last kindness I could give to her and held her close as she quietly passed in my arms whispering in her beautiful gray ears about all the adventures we had and finally told her she had completed her life's mission; she loved and was deeply loved in return.

I, like you, felt completely lost.  I don't remember much from last summer except the days were long and despite my family, I felt completely alone.  I found this forum and the support I needed.  I began to consider adopting again as emotionally I was a wreck without Daisy's calming presence.  I never thought of her as an emotional support dog, but she was.  I focused my energy on searching for a dog who would need me as much as I needed her, though I think in the beginning I was searching for Daisy like I had dome almost a decade previous.  I went through shelters and countless rescues. It was frustrating as I was not getting anywhere and I did not feel I was getting any support from my family and my depression worsened.  When I opened up a thread on this forum "Adoption After Loss"  I finally found the support I needed.  There were failed adoptions, I was turned down by so many (competition in the North East can be fierce) and a lot of heartbreak.  I was ready to give up when I read a face book post about an 8 week old puppy in need of a home.  Her breed and size fit me perfectly and fee was not too bad.  She was the last of an "oops" litter from a non-breeder.  Four days later I met her at my vet, complete with her human and doggie Mom and Dad.  I wept openly when they put my Luna, a tiny 4 lb bundle of silky soft fluff in my arms for the first time.  It was very hard at first and not an immediate bond between Luna and I.  But we slogged through potty training, her shots, getting spayed, puppy classes and the day to day care.  And gradually I just fell completely in love with my funny, sweet, loving, spunky, little girl.  I wake up every morning and am so happy to see her.  She is amazing and already in training to be a therapy dog as she seems to have the temperament.  She will be 1 year old at the end of the month and I have no regrets in opening my heart and home to another dog.

 
Grief is hard. Though I fiercely love Luna, I also love and miss Daisy everyday, but I am thankful for the grief because it was preceded by such love.  Day to day it is a struggle and there is no time limit to your grief.  It is your journey.  But face each day and each emotion with honesty; cry, remember and love.  You will never forget Peanut...he is always with you.  I guess my experience has lead me to believe that there are many souls for us to love in this life of ours.  Dogs, cats, people, any soul who needs a kind, loving home and heart.  Your life is a precious gift and the love you have can make a huge difference to another soul.  But you will never know what joys and love are waiting to be discovered unless you continue on your journey and open your heart.

Reach out whenever you need support...
Lori, Daisy's Mom and now Luna's Mom
Quote 0 0
Apo181dsdc
Thank you for that story. I already have thought about adoption again and then I feel guilty cause I feel like I am trying to replace him. I know though it is me just trying to save another. Peanut gave me so much. I want to give that back.
Quote 0 0
Lrogers424
Nicole,

It is a difficult decision to adopt again after your loss.  There was a lot of guilt in the beginning of my journey but I began thinking about it in terms of my children.  I have three very close in age and I love them all.  There is no guilt over loving all three nor do I have a limited supply of love.  Love is not a quantity and it never ends.  Love let me move forward while I think it is guilt that still prevents my husband from bonding with Luna.  But I think that too will evolve in time.  Not all adoptions work beautifully at first, but in time, can be so rewarding. 

Yesterday I ran into an acquaintance named Jan; someone I have seen often, though just in passing, over the last few years.  Up until about a year ago she always had her elderly Cavie Spaniel, Sophie with her.  Late last summer I noticed I had not seen Sophie in a while.  I was told by a mutual friend that Sophie had passed away.  Not only that, but Jan's daughter, who had been ill, had also passed too.  I could not imagine such devastating losses so close, so I spoke to her for the first time.  I told her how sorry I was for her losses and we cried together, too virtual strangers who understood grief, though losing a child was a loss I hope to never process, as a mother, I could understand.  A few weeks ago, I decided to take Luna on some errands with me and I ran into Jan.  She was beaming and in her hand, she clutched a red leash.  At the end of which was a senior Shih Tzu little guy who she proudly introduced as "Marty".  10 year old Marty had been his last days at a shelter after being taken from a hoarding situation.  No one wanted him as he, while healthy, not only a senior but also partially blind.  By some miracle, our mutual friend heard about Marty and thought he would be perfect for Jan.  Jan was over the moon for this little guy who somehow had found his way through unbearable circumstances to be Jan's cherished and adored companion.  Jan and I cried again, looking down at the precious souls at the ends of our leashes.

I guess the point of stories like mine and Jan's is that you can move forward when you are ready.  As people, when we leave this world, we can leave objects and gifts for those to remember us.  Dogs have one thing to pass on; the love of their devoted human companions.  I hope my Daisy knows that her legacy of love is cherished everyday.








Lori, Daisy's Mom and now Luna's Mom
Quote 0 0