chilover
I guess most of you will be glad that the holiday season has now passed..
I lost my little darling Chihuahua 'Daisy' this summer in August!

Every xmas and 4 times per year we used to travel via train ( 3hours and 45mins ) to visit my mum. This was my 1st xmas without my little girl just like many others on here and I knew that the journey without her would be difficult to say the least and for most of it I just gazed out of the window looking at the landscapes crying, it felt so lonely, and when my mum arrived to meet me off the train 'I just lost it' as I hadn't seen her since May 2019 which was before Daisy passed. Fortunately my mum had moved house which meant that I wasn't surrounded by memories of Daisy in the old house. Xmas day came and went and I always used to love giving her a little xmas dinner ( minus the sage and onion ) and I would write her a xmas card and buy her a present. This year I decided to buy her a card just like every orher year and my mum put it up on her wall, I wanted to follow my instincts and it felt somewhat comforting..
The day after I arrived at my mums I went to a tattoo shop and got a tattoo ( my one and only tattoo in memory of my little girl) a very small Elizabethan style initial D on the back of my neck. I'm so pleased I got it and it was a design that I had searched for myself! - My mum has a garden bench in her garden and a couple of the local cats used to frequently come to lie on it and on her grass too and one day 2 of the locals came together and were rolling around, one on the grass, the other on the bench, and ever since that day I always used to look out of the window for them as it brightened my day seeing them and their funny little antics. Whenever I was outside I had to go to greet them. There was a birds nest in my mum's tree too and we used to hear the birds tweeting at 12 midnight which was beautiful to hear. I feel that ever since I lost my beautiful little girl I have a desire to give all the animals my love somehow, 'maybe it's because I think of them being her little brothers and sisters & just such wonderful, majestic, innocent creatures of the world! I donated to 2 wildlife charities just before xmas in memory of her. My mum was fond of her and over the years had bought her beds, treats and bits and bob's and would always write out a xmas card for me "from Daisy"! She kept her beds and her blankets and had stored them away and one day I took them out as I needed to hold them and sniff them.

The 2nd of January marked her 5th month anniversary and since the churches are not open on a daily basis where my mum lives I had decided to light a candle at her home. The tears streamed down my face as I prayed and spoke to her!

During my say at my mums I came across many different cats and dogs which reminded me of everyone on here. I saw a few black and white cats and I thought of James and his cat "Kid", I also saw a few Border Collies and thought of Jim and his border collie ''Shelby', one of the border collies I saw was running ahead of his/her master who was jogging. The dog was carrying a stick in his/her mouth and kept stopping and looking back to check that his/her owner was still near by - ever so loyal and loving!

I was originally supposed to leave my mums and return home on the 7th Jan but I started having anxiety attacks thinking that someone might break into my home, trash everything and destroy my baby's ashes, so I changed my ticket to the 3rd and I am now back home and her ashes are safe. I don't really know where these thoughts came from 'maybe it's a fear of loosing her all over again' I don't know and as soon as I came home, I ran straight over to her box of ashes and broke down in floods of tears telling her I was sorry that I had left her! I have to say that I still cry every day, whether it's for one minute or one hour and my daily life is spent mostly thinking about her. I would give anything to hold her once more but in a healthy body. A light has permanently been switched off inside me since we parted - missing her terribly, it still aches, it's agonizing!
'
Angelina
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BorderCollieLover
Angelina:

  That was a very moving post. I also got a little choked up reading it. This was your 1st Christmas without your beloved Daisy, so it's completely understandable that you were grieving. The Christmas rituals that you had for Daisy are heartwarming. I did many of the same things for Shelby. I went away over XMAS this year just because the thought of being in our home (alone) without Shelby was overwhelming. I did get some much needed respite, although Shelby was still very much a fixture in my mind. I was happy to read that you made some donations to local charities. I've found that giving and not expecting anything in return is a noble gesture that really can make you feel good about yourself. I;m sponsoring a Border Collie rescue (Bradley) at Glen Highland Farm (where I got Shelby) which will help to provide medical care, food, toys, etc. for him. Bradley is (15) years old and considered to be not adoptable due to advancing age and chronic health problems. He will live out the rest of his life at GHF. I feel good that I can help him. Also happy to read that you saw a Border Collie carrying a stick and looking around for his owner. That is beautiful. I can envision that in my mind and it make me happy. Thanks for the wonderful memory. 

Sending warmest regards and hugs your way,

Jim
Jim Miller
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Memories_of_Marmalade


"During my say at my mums I came across many different cats and dogs which reminded me of everyone on here. I saw a few black and white cats and I thought of James and his cat "Kid"

Dear Angelina,

Thank you so much for thinking of KID and I. That means the World. I think that is what helps make this forum so truly remarkable, that we share stories with one another and our lost loved ones live on in some ways through our shared memories.

I still talk to my cat Marmalade's ashes every morning, afternoon and evening. I say good morning to him as soon as I wake up, I say goodbye when I head to my office, I greet him when I return and I tell him goodnight each night. It's been comforting to me for some reason. So I can totally relate sweetheart.

Your tattoo sounds like a very fitting tribute! Well done. : )

Happy New Year 2020 and thank you again for your lovely and heartwarming post.

Kind regards,
James

XOXO
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chilover
Jim.



Thankyou for your kind support.

Donating to animal charities does uplift me a little - just thinking that those lovely little creatures will be better provided for brings hope.

I imagine how overwhelming xmas would have been for you if you had stayed home & the fact that your beloved Shelby was very much a fixture in your mind is understandable. Whatever I seem to do my Daisy is very much a fixture in my mind too & I feel like I'm constantly living in a bubble..

How lovely that you are sponsoring a Border Collie, that is a wonderful thing that you have done. It makes me happy to think that Bradley will be have a better life - medical care, food and toys, bless him, good on you Jim.

At the moment I am just trying to be patient with myself and taking each day at a time.

Angelina
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chilover
James.

Thankyou kindly for your support.

We are all lucky to have this forum, it's a blessing.. I really don't know how I would get by without it.

I am happy that you too talk to your beloved boy Marmalade and tell him good morning and goodnight and goodbye when you head to your office.

I am so glad that I got my tattoo in memory of my little baby Daisy, she's my absolute world.

Thankyou James and Jim for your support.

It means the world.

Hugs

Angelina




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