Last night at 9:36p our sweet Zelda crossed the rainbow bridge. Within 2 hours of her coming to me looking sick, she was gone. 

I’ve never had to personally make the decision to put an animal to sleep, but last night I did. I haven’t slept all night. My eyes are so swollen from crying. 

I know in my mind I did the right thing, a tumor on her spleen had ruptured and bled into her stomach. Her chances of surviving the surgery and blood transfusions were low, and even if we put her through all of that, she may have needed chemo. All for an extra 6 weeks of life at most. I rescued her from a bad breeding situation when she was a puppy. For 8 years she has been my protector. 

In my heart I feel like I let her down. Maybe I didn’t love her enough, maybe I didn’t give her enough snacks. Enough fun. I don’t know. I just hope she knows how hard it was to make that decision, to not bring her home, to not let her sleep in bed again. 

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I haven't slept in my room for 4 months since my girl left. I'm sorry for your loss. My emotions are from day to day still. I do cry less now but every once in awhile I'll cry. You will get through this it just takes time.
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Zeldasmom:  I’m so sorry for your loss.  I lost my first dog the same way.  It’s heartbreaking to say the least. I’m still grieving my Lily who passed in October.  It’s hard but this forum has been a tremendous help. Hugs to you.  
Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19  ** Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
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ZeldasMom, I'm so sorry. Please don't blame yourself... you did everything you could. Even though that decision is hardest one any pet parent can make, you made the right decision for her. I read this older post tonight: https://forums.rainbowsbridge.com/post/coping-with-grief-10108748. It helped me feel better; I hope it helps you too. Sending you hugs...
Cindy (Buddy’s mama)
My baby Buddy 5/4/10-3/7/20, rescued March 2011
My sweet Mandy 11/27/91-11/2/10, rescued November 1992
My beautiful Barney 4/28/73-9/7/92, adopted May 1973
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I'm sure you were the best mom for your baby.. I felt guilty when my baby Duece passed but then I had to think of all the fun times n realize I was the best mom ever..  I made my baby a shrine in my living room bc I couldn't just toss everything.
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I am so sorry for your loss.
Guilt is a big part of the grieving process, please do not beat yourself up, you were a wonderful pet parent. I understand how very painful it is when they depart & I too had to make that awful decision as did many others on this forum, & we all understand how difficult it is & will support you every step of the way. For a while, when my Chihuahua 'Daisy'  passed I had to leave my home early every morning & didn't return until late at night because I couldn't stand coming home without her there. I was roaming the city all day all night. I miss her terribly & she will forever more be my 'entire world!

I hope you keep visiting & posting here as you will get lots of support. Be gentle with yourself. 

Sending you comfort & peace.

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ZeldasMom - I deeply feel your pain. My Remy was put to rest due to the same thing on Tuesday night. Since then it has been a roller coaster including numbness, sobbing, guilt, anxiety, and overwhelming sadness. In the very brief time that I have been grieving her, I have found that when I catch myself beating myself up it helps to try to remember a cute moment. I have also found it therapeutic to read and comment on posts in this forum. I had the same experience: healthy seeming to gone in a matter of 2-3 hours. Based on the fact that you even sought out a forum, I’m willing to bet that you gave her an amazing life. Don’t beat yourself up for the off days. Zelda loved you and probably couldn’t have asked for a better companion. I know it’s hard. Heck, I’m tearing up just writing this.... but you’re not alone. And you did the right thing. You did not let her down. You could not have known and you did everything you could because you didn’t want her to be in pain or worse. And that is a gift of the truest love. You sacrificed your well-being for her, one last time. 

My most beautiful Golden Retriever Remy: 8/1/09-3/17/2020. 
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Hi, we lost our beloved dog on Friday early morning.  She was very healthy until things changed around 6:30pm she wasn’t herself anymore and kept hiding.  I called a few vets and they told me it’s a good idea for her to be seen but it’s not life threatening. It’s better to wait and take her to her own vet in the morning. I monitored her all night but things changed around 2:30am.  I rushed her to emergency but she passed away as soon as the doctor walked in to see her.  I haven’t stopped crying.  I feel guilty as she was my responsibility and I feel like I failed her.  I miss her so much. I see and feel her everywhere.  I’m sad, mad, and anxious. If I find a moment to smile I feel guilty as this is so new.  She would have been 9 next month and was with me all the time.  She was my best friend.  I don’t know if I can survive this.
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So sorry for your loss!  
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I understand how you feel. I lost my baby two days after your baby crossed the rainbow bridge. I understand the pain that you are in. I can tell that you are a wonderful, loving parent. You did everything that you could to help her. We don't know when our babies are I'll because they can't talk. As soon as you sensed that she wasn't well, you took her to the vet. That was the most loving thing that you could do in a fallen world where shelters are filled with sick, older pets. Please don't beat yourself up. Your baby girl knows how much you love her. She always has and she always will.
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